August 17, 2006
John R. Nocero
SummerSlam 06 is A One Trick Pony
At the biggest party of the summer, I will spend $34.95 to see Edge get his ass kicked.
It will be worth every penny.
Fuck you, Citibank. Youíre not getting paid this month. Sorry son, youíll have to wait a week for your new school shoes. The cowardly lion is about to get his comeuppance and its about time, bitch.
Personally, I loathe everything about Edge. Dude, pop some Superdrol. Snitsky has backne bigger than you. Your skanky valet wearing the boobie curtains could actually work a decent match one broken neck and 30 pounds ago. It wasnít your time in January, there was just no one else to elevate to the world title, you shit on your grave scumbag.
Personal feelings aside, SummerSlam has unequivocally provided some of the top contests in the modern era since its inception in 1988. The Edge-John Cena WWE title match this Sunday has the potential to be inserted in that category, thanks to long-term booking and a believable angle, concepts generally foreign to WWE Creative.
Long term booking at the E since 2000 is the exception rather than the norm. I know injuries happen and plans get derailed, but very few headliners and/or programs have been established with a direction focusing on the big picture.
Booking month to month is the status quo and a recipe for disaster.
This Edge-Cena feud is as close to long-term as the E gets. Since January, with the minor exception of the WrestleMania 22 buildup, Edge and Cena have dominated the world title scene. They havenít been in the RAW main events as much as I would like, but PPV title matches have been built around the two of them, with a little Triple H and RVD sprinkled in for variety. Finally, a match that seems like the culmination of who is the best wrestler in the E rather than which two wrestlers can be thrown together to boost PPV buy rates this month. This is how title matches should be booked.
Secondly, weíre getting a personal angle. I detailed my feelings of identifying with Cena last week. But if someone ever slaps my old man, or even breathes the same air that my wife and son breathe, the shit is on, long-term consequences be damned. Edge strolling into Cenaís childhood home and cuffing his dad may have been hokey to some, but it didnít go over the top where it lost its credibility. It was believable, perfect in its intensity and direction, and adding to the match, rather than detracting from it.
The E promotional machine has conned many into thinking the DX/McMahons or Hulk Hogan/Randy Orton is the real main event. If you do, fuck you. Take Michaels-McMahon at WM 22, then add HHH-McMahon from Armageddon 1999, top with enormous overbooking and thereís your tag match. No way Orton carries Hogan to the match that Michaels did last year. Besides, marking out notwithstanding seemingly over nothing now (we are all fucking marks are we not), Hoganís ego wonít let Orton go over, defeating the angleís entire purpose.
And for those longing for tag or IC title matches, that shit is useless in the Ď06 E. Go back and watch a SummerSlam from the early years where the goal was putting all the talent on the card, giving us quick matches that did little in telling us a story, then tell me there is time for more matches.
I wonít guarantee this is the blowoff between Edge-Cena. Hell, 411mania.com reported August 12 the promotional material for Septemberís Unforgiven PPV is hyping a Cena-Edge title match. That may or may not change. But what doesnít is that SummerSlam 2006 is a one-trick pony and my ass is gonna saddle the fuck up.