November 14, 2006
WWF WrestleMania 2: What The World Is Coming To
April 7, 1986
Uniondale, NY/Chicago, IL/Los Angeles, CA
Nassau Coliseum/Rosemont Horizon/L.A. Sports Arena
The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Hulk Hogan (1/23/1984)
Intercontinental Champion: Randy Savage (2/8/1986)
World Tag Team Champions: Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (8/24/1985)
Women’s Champion: The Fabulous Moolah (11/25/1985)
I strongly recommend the “Main Event: WWE in the Raging 80s” book that WWE has put out. It’s a great read with more 1980s information than you’ll probably ever want to know.
From New York, our hosts are Vince McMahon and Susan St. James! Remember McMillan & Wife? Well, she’s wife. The legendary Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful”!
We go to Roddy Piper and Bob Orton Jr. in the dressing room for a quick word. He says he’ll quit boxing, wrestling, tiddlywinks, and dating girls if T can knock him out. No matter the outcome though, he’s keeping Bob Orton around. Kinda weird.
Don Muraco (w/Mr. Fuji) vs. Paul Orndorff
Both men had just wrapped up their respective feuds, and apparently had nothing better to do than to fight each other. Orndorff main evented the first Wrestlemania; a year later, he’s opening for it. They trade slams and then Orndorff works the arm. Muraco eventually Samoan drops out of an armbar. They fight out to the floor and we wind up with a double-countout for our first bout. (4:34) That went nowhere. CRAP
Mr. T says some stuff in response to Piper. I pity the fool who speaks incoherently.
WWF Intercontinental Champion Randy Savage (w/Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele
Steele is in love with Elizabeth and Savage treats her like crap. It just so happens that Savage also has the IC strap, which I don’t even think Steele realizes. Savage wants nothing to with Steele to start, as he spends a good ninety seconds avoiding Steele. He finally gets caught in the ropes and George chews on Savage’s calf muscle. Actually he’s just biting Savage’s boot, but Savage sells it anyway. Back in, Steele choke-lifts Savage, but then Elizabeth steps within his peripheral vision. Steele gets distracted and stomped on while being tied up in the ropes. Savage comes off the top with something that resembled a crossbody block for two. Steele comes back and tosses Savage out to the floor, but gets distracted by Elizabeth again. Savage crawls underneath the ring to the other side and comes up behind Steele and nails him with a high knee. Nevertheless, Steele blocks a clothesline with more biting. Savage bails and grabs a bouquet of flowers from somebody at ringside and nails Steele with them. Steele bites some more and rubs the flowers in Savage’s face. He eats a turnbuckle and rakes Savage in the face with the stuffing. Savage rolls out to the floor to escape but Steele follows him out. Once Steele comes over by Elizabeth, Savage is able to scurry up to the top and dive off with a double-ax. Back in, Savage heads up top once again for the MACHO ELBOW and connects! 1, 2, NO! Steele attacks Savage in the corner, but Savage is able to roll him up by using the ropes to retain the title. (7:08) Entertaining enough, albeit predictable. ½*
Meanwhile in Chicago, the Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Bill Fralic gets into a tiff with Big John Studd. Studd gets so mad, he POPS a football!
Jake Roberts vs. George Welles
JTTS George Welles is here to fight the newcomer! In case you’ve never seen George Welles, he looks like a bulky Louis Gossett Jr. Welles controls to start until Roberts throws him out to the floor. Back in, Welles catches Roberts with a shoulder block and then whips Roberts from corner to corner. He connects with the Headscissors and follows up with a knee lift. Welles hits a powerslam, but Roberts kicks out at two. Roberts bails to the outside so he can be the first man back in the ring to nail Welles with a knee-lift through the ropes. Roberts hits the DDT and its over. (3:05) Roberts got virtually no offense before the finish, which really puts over the DDT. Welles gets wrapped up by Damien afterwards. ½*
Out in LA, Ventura is standing by with Hulk Hogan! Bundy’s going down!
Mr. T (w/Joe Frazier) vs. Roddy Piper (w/Bob Orton Jr.) – Boxing Match
Piper attacked T after his boxing match with Orton on the March 1st edition of SNME to continue the feud and set up the blowoff match. The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers. The joke is already there. The guest judges are New Jersey Nets Darryl Dawkins, jazz singer Cab Calloway and infamous Watergate Judge G. Gordon Liddy. The guest time keeper is that dork from the Burger King commercials, Herb. Piper talks SO much junk during the instructions. These are three minute rounds, by the way. Round one seemed pretty realistic. Piper got in his cheap shots on nearly every break and even gives the ref the universal “up yours” sign. They start pulling their punches in the second round. However, T goes down with a minute left in the second round. Piper won’t stay in a neutral corner long enough for the ref to count T out. He’s up at eight. The crowd turns on T and chants “Roddy!” for the last thirty seconds of the round. During the break, Orton throws a bucket of water on T and Frazier. Within the first minute of round three, T wallops Piper good in the corner and had this been real, the fight would’ve been over right there. Piper gets to his feet at the count of eight. Another shot from T puts Piper out on the floor, which also would’ve been a knockout blow in a real fight. By round four, Piper gets frustrated and throws his stool at T. A slugfest ends with the referee getting shoved down by Piper and T getting slammed to call for the disqualification. (13:25) I can’t rate this, but I will say that it was very fun to watch for a fake boxing match. It’s a shame the rest of the card in Long Island sucked.
We go to Chicago with our hosts Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby from “That’s Incredible”!
WWF Women’s Champion The Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre
Moolah attacks from behind to start, but McIntyre uses her quickness to hit Moolah with some dropkicks. McIntyre misses a top-rope splash and Moolah covers her for the pin to retain her title. (0:53) CRAP
Nikolai Volkoff (w/Freddie Blassie) vs. Cpl. Kirschner – Flag Match
The winner gets to wave their country’s flag at the end. Volkoff takes Kirschner out to the floor to start and rams Kirschner into the steel ring post to bust him open. Not once, but twice! Back in, the ref gets nailed during a slugfest. Blassie tosses in his cane, but Kirschner intercepts it and nails Volkoff with it for the win. (1:34) And we’re moving right along! CRAP
WWF/NFL 20-Man Battle Royal
This is billed as the main event for this locale, but we all know what the real main event is in Chicago. The guest timekeeper is Claire Peller who made the “Where’s the beef?” catchphrase from the Wendy’s commercials popular. She looks so angry. The guest referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones. Former wrestler/football player “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins us for color commentary. The participants are the Chicago Bears offensive lineman Jim Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, former Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, former Pittsburgh Steelers defensive lineman Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, the Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Bill Fralic, Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, the 49ers tight end Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, the Chicago Bears defensive lineman William "Refrigerator" Perry and Andre the Giant. Man, Fralic looks about as cocky as Randy Orton! Somebody in the WWF should’ve signed him up so he could job to Hogan! Everyone except for Andre and Studd try and dump these football guys out first so that they don’t get embarrassed and lose. Covert and Tonga get tossed first by Fralic. Seriously, Bill Fralic is the man. Sammartino flips Holmes out to the floor. Well, so much for that “steel curtain”. The Refrigerator hangs with Studd while Andre tries to toss out Fralic. Brunzell gets eliminated by what appeared to be Pedro Morales. Refrigerator breaks away from Studd and easily tosses out Tony Atlas, then goes back to Studd. This was common sense booking since we’re IN Chicago and Studd is the biggest heel in the match. Pedro Morales and Harvey Martin eliminate each other, followed by Ted Arcidi. Sheik sends Danny Spivey, B. Brian Blair and Hillbilly Jim all out to the floor within twenty seconds. Studd tosses out Fralic and takes some time to laugh at him. Sammartino ducks a blow from the Iron Sheik and tosses him out to the floor. Then, Studd pokes Sammartino in the eye and throws him out to the floor. Refrigerator Perry had had enough from the Hart Foundation and explodes on them with a tackle. They sell it like DEATH and the crowd eats it up. Studd wants a piece of Perry, so he suckers him in for a tackle and hiptosses him over the top rope to eliminate him. Perry wants a handshake from the floor to show that there’s no hard feelings, but then he yanks Studd out to the floor with him. Ernie Ladd ~ “I can’t believe it! Studd just fell for the oldest trick in the book!” We’re left with the final four: Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis and Andre the Giant. Andre owns them all until he takes a double dropkick and gets tied up in the ropes. The Hart Foundation dumps Francis, but they can’t dump Andre. Bret runs into a boot out of the corner off a whip from Neidhart. Andre hits the double noggin knocker and boots Neidhart out to the floor. Bret climbs up top, but he gets caught and tossed out on top of Neidhart to give Andre the win. (9:10) The eliminations were way too fast with nothing really going on in between to make you really care about them. ½*
WWF World Tag Team Champions Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/Capt. Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne)
Davey Boy and Valentine start things off with DBS controlling the arm. Dynamite tags in and delivers a snap suplex and tags in DBS. Valentine fights a stalling suplex, but DBS gets it anyway for 1, 2, NO! Davey Boy ducks low off a whip and gets HAMMERED in the back of the head. Valentine drops a headbutt to the groin and tags in Beefcake. DBS escapes a wristlock with a press slam and tags in Dynamite. He connects with a running clothesline for 1, 2, NO! DBS tags in and delivers a fisherman suplex for 1, 2, NO! Beefcake blind tags Valentine out of a front headlock and he comes down with a Hammer on DBS. He hits a suplex for 1, 2, NO! Valentine hooks on a chinlock to slow things down. Now DBS gets a blind tag to Dynamite out of headlock. Dynamite wins a slugfest and kills Valentine in the corner with shoulderblocks to the ribs for 1, 2, NO! A double running shoulderblock from the Bulldogs gets two on Valentine. Dynamite gets a sunset flip for 1, 2, NO! A backbreaker on Valentine gets two. Valentine comes back with a forearm and delivers a sick piledriver to Dynamite for 1, 2, NO! Valentine tries the Arn Anderson knucklelock pin spot, but hits a pair of knees instead. Valentine heads up top, but gets tossed down by Dynamite for two thanks to Beefcake. DBS comes in and rids the ring of Beefcake to set up a double-team press slam on Valentine, but he rolls out to escape. Dynamite brings Valentine back in the ring, but he gets nailed coming back into the ring. DBS tags in and hits the RUNNING POWERSLAM for 1, 2, NO! DBS hits a suplex for 1, 2, NO! Valentine ends Davey Boy’s momentum by reversing a whip and sending him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Beefcake tags in and works the hurt left shoulder of DBS. DBS tries to flip out of a hammerlock, but Beefcake slams him back down ON HIS ARM. Valentine tags back in and hits a shoulderbreaker for 1, 2, NO! He lifts DBS off the canvas! DBS runs Valentine into Dynamite’s head and falls on top of Valentine for 1-2-3! We’ve got NEWWWW World Tag Team Champs! (12:03) The finish was just out of nowhere, as it was at their SNME match. I’m glad they kept Beefcake’s involvement down to a minimum and let Valentine carry the weight. Still though, great stuff from all four men. ***½
Let’s head out to Los Angeles with our hosts Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes and Elvira, Mistress of the Dark! By the way, the ring announcer is Lee Marshall!
Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez
Hercules has been on WWF television for maybe four months at this point. He attacks at the bell, but Steamboat quickly fights back with chops and armdrags. Steamboat is doing every thing he can to get a good match out of Herc. Steamboat hits a suplex and returns to an armbar. Hercules fights out and drops Steamboat with a hard clothesline. Hercules stomps away and then delivers a hotshot. Steamboat tries to come back with a slam, but Hercules falls on top for 1, 2, NO! Hercules slows the match down and gets a two count off of a pair of elbow drops. Hercules takes a pair of chops from Steamboat, but then connects with another clothesline. Hercules goes up top, but Steamboat gets hits knees up to block. Steamboat heads up top and hits the FLYING CROSSBODY for the win. (7:36) Steamboat did what he could here. *½
Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer
It’s simple; hillbillies hate transvestites. Adonis sells like CRAZY for Elmer to start, but then he puts Elmer down with just one jab. However, Elmer reverses a whip and splashes Adonis in the corner. Elmer misses a LEGDROP, so Adonis hits a fist drop from the top for the three-count. (3:09) After Elmer’s short feud with Bundy in the early spring, that was pretty much it for him. CRAP
Terry & Hoss Funk (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana
In case you didn’t know, Hoss is Dory Funk Jr. Early on, the faces take control with Terry taking several bumps out to the floor. Tito and Hoss go for a bit, and a FLYING JALAPENO gets the 1, 2, NO! Terry makes the save and then gets pummeled by Tito. Next up, Hoss and Tito criss-cross the ropes until Terry nails Tito from behind so that they can go to work. They dump Tito so Jimmy Hart can get in his licks. JYD tosses Tito back in and Terry gives him a suplex for 1, 2, NO! Terry tries another, but Tito counters into one of his own. Double-KO spot sends Terry into his corner to tag in Hoss. Double-arm suplex on Tito gets two. Terry tags back in for a double-team clothesline and a jumping leg drop that gets two. Terry tries another one, but Tito rolls out of the way. Terry tries to block Tito’s attempt at a tag, but no can do. HOT TAG TO JYD! DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! Hoss gets dumped, but then Terry wraps some wrist tape around JYD’s neck while Jimmy Hart hops up on the apron to keep Dave Hebner busy. JYD headbutts out of it and sends Terry out to the floor. He follows Terry out and slams him on a table! I love Funk’s crazy selling. Back in, JYD nails Jimmy Hart on the apron and then cradles up Terry for a near-fall. Tito comes in and nails Hoss and puts him in the FIGURE-FOUR! Neither man is legal, so Hebner breaks it up. During all the shenanigans, Jimmy is able to toss the megaphone to Terry! He nails JYD with it and then covers for the three count! (11:44) Crowd hates the finish, but there’s no denying that was a fun match. ***
WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) – Cage Match
Hogan’s ribs are still heavily taped from the beating he sustained thanks to King Kong Bundy on SNME FIVE WEEKS EARLIER, which gives it quite the “Can he beat Bundy?” feel. The guest ring announcer is the LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda. The guest timekeeper (the most wussy job in wrestling) is a 15 year old Ricky Schroder, who later went on to play as Detective Danny Sorenson on “NYPD Blue”. He gets BOOED. The guest referee is Robert Conrad who is best known for his role as Jim West on “The Wild, Wild West” TV series. Hogan wins a slugfest and nails Bundy with a big boot to start off things here in the main event. Hogan takes Bundy to the cage and then follows up with a running elbow. Bundy blocks a second cage shot and starts working on the ribs. Bundy goes for the door, but Hogan pulls him back in. Bundy slams Hogan into the cage and goes for the door again, but Hogan stops him. Bundy unravels the tape on Hogan’s ribs and chokes him down with it. Next, he tries to tie Hogan’s wrist to the middle rope and walk out the door. Hogan manages to break free and brings Bundy back into the cage. Hogan sends Bundy face-first into the cage and busts him open! Hogan rakes the back and sends Bundy into the cage a few more times. Hogan pounds away and tries to slam Bundy, but he collapses. Bundy heads for the door again, but Hogan uses his rib tape to pull Bundy back in by his throat. Bundy goes to the eyes and hits the AVALANCE, followed by a Splash! Bundy tries for the door again, but Hogan desperately pulls Bundy back in by grabbing hold of his leg. Bundy hits another AVALANCHE, but Hogan no-sells and slams Bundy! Hogan hits the LEG DROP and tries to climb out, but Bundy grabs hold of him. Hogan shoves Bundy back down and climbs out and reaches the floor before Bundy can fall out the door on the other side of the cage. Hogan retains his title. (10:14) Post-match, Heenan gets cornered in the cage and takes a nasty bump into the cage wall. Hit Hogan’s music for some celebratory posing! This was Hogan Formula 101. *½
Final Thoughts: We had some great tag team wrestling, but that’s about it. Even then, there’s nothing here to go out of your way for unless you are a big British Bulldogs fan. From the short matches to the terrible celebrity choices, I was less than excited. I’m giving this a thumbs down for what is considered by many (including myself) as a dark year in WrestleMania history. Hey, even Jim Crockett knew THREE venues was a dumb idea.