November 12, 2006
Matt Peddycord

WWE Cyber Sunday 2006
November 5, 2006
Cincinnati, OH
US Bank Arena

It’s my ONE-YEAR anniversary with Graham Cawthon! Who wants cake?

Note from Graham: Don’t read too much into that. I like chicks.

Your hosts are JR & King, with Todd Grisham and Maria who will be announcing the results throughout the night!

First up is the “Pick Umaga’s Opponent” match. Here are the results from WWE.com.
- Kane (49%)
- WWE U.S. Champ Chris Benoit (23%)
- The Sandman (28%)
If they were going to pick Kane anyway for this match, why didn’t they just let us decide the gimmick for it instead?

Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. Kane

IMO, this was a terrible choice for an opener. The IC title match worked great as the opener at Unforgiven, so why change the format with basically the same people? In case you’re reading this in a year from now, Umaga is still undefeated. Kane controls to start by punching and choking. Umaga no-sells a head to the buckle and takes over with a belly-to-belly suplex. Kane fires back and connects with a big boot, but then runs into a flatliner. Umaga comes off the middle rope and hits a diving headbutt from the farthest corner for two. Umaga pounds Kane down in the corner to set up the running butt splash. Kane and Umaga go out to the floor where Umaga attempts the SAMOAN SPIKE up against the ringpost. Kane avoids it and Umaga’s hand hits steel. Kane sends Umaga into the steel steps before tossing him back in the ring. Kane heads up for the ten-count corner punch before connecting with a pair of running corner clotheslines. The offensive flurry ends as Umaga reverses a whip and delivers the Samoan Drop. Estrada hops up on the apron and pulls out his victory cigar. That causes Kane to sit up and GOOZLE Umaga, but Umaga goes to the eyes to escape. However, Kane avoids a corner splash and hits a back suplex. He heads up top for the clothesline. As he comes down, Umaga is ready for him and pops him in the mouth. SAMOAN SPIKE! That does it. (8:40) I never noticed that Umaga had fronts. While it was nothing spectacular, it was a much better outing than what I’ve seen from them in the past. *½

Meanwhile, Big Show was just on his way to meet Dusty Rhodes at the buffet table when Queen Sharmell stops him for a word. She has a proposition for him; if either of their titles are up for grabs, the other champion will help the other one out. If John Cena’s belt is on the line, then it’s every man for himself. At first, Show tells Sharmell to take Booker’s scepter, shine it up REALLL nice, and stick it WHERE? Sharmell is insulted!

It’s time for the Sunday Night Heat part of the show in a “Pick the stipulations” match. That was a joke, by the way. Here are the results from WWE.com.
- Fatal Four Way (15%)
- Tag Team Turmoil (35%)
- Texas Tornado (50%)
Why do these results seem so contrived results to me?

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera & Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch – Texas Tornado Tag Match

Immediately, everyone just goes crazy on each other with Cryme Tyme against Vis & Haas and the Highlanders go out on the floor with Cade & Murdoch. After about ninety seconds of that, JTG dumps Haas and double-teams Vis for two before Cade runs in to break up the count. Murdoch joins in and helps Cade rid the ring of Cryme Tyme. The Highlanders sneak up on the Rednecks and double-clothesline them out to the floor for STEREO PESCADOS! Haas meets JTG in the ring and gives him a release German suplex. He takes a moment to showboat, however, and turns around into a boot from Shad. In comes Viscera, (HAHAHA! I wish!) and gives Shad the Black Hole Slam. He sets up for an Avalanche and then charges full speed ahead as JTG pulls Haas in with him. Rory & Robbie double-dropkick Vis out, but then get ambushed by the Rednecks. Rory gets dumped and Robbie takes the SWEET AND SOUR! Cryme Tyme seizes the opportunity and dumps the Rednecks. JTG covers Robbie for the 1, 2, 3! (4:29) You may label this as a “stolen victory”, but that’s how they do it in the HOOD. Speaking of stealing, Cryme Tyme walks off with Lawler’s laptop that he had with him at ringside. *

In the back, Triple H tells us who is going to be the special referee for their match. They canceled out Vince and Coach because they’ve already beat them up, so they’re only left with Eric Bischoff. As Triple H begins to tell Shawn that Bischoff thinks DX doesn’t know the meaning of the word “controversial”, he gets all riled up and starts superkicking random stagehands down a hallway to show he’s controversial. Ladies and gentlemen, right there was the highlight of Cyber Sunday.

Who will be Jeff Hardy’s opponent? Let’s find out! Here are the results from WWE.com.
- Carlito (62%)
- Shelton Benjamin (25%)
- Johnny Nitro (13%)
I didn’t think Johnny Nitro would receive THAT small of an amount of votes. I mean, come on, what’s Shelton Benjamin done lately?

WWE Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito

Alright! We get a handshake and tons of near-falls to kick off this match. Carlito botches a leapfrog which looked to have been countered for Jeff to do his legdrop between the legs spot. Jeff actually recovers nicely by backing Carlito up against the ropes for a break. Carlito surprises Jeff and goes low with a dropkick to take over. He delivers a suplex for two, but then takes a dropkick. Carlito springboards over Jeff and then takes a mule-kick out to the floor. Jeff follows up with a baseball slide and then runs and leaps off the security wall right into a dropkick. Back in, Carlito covers for 1, 2, NO! Jeff comes out of a chinlock and gives Carlito the ten-count corner punches. Jeff attempts to come down on Carlito with both feet, but Carlito stays one step ahead by getting his feet up to block. Carlito hooks on a seated bearhug, but Jeff escapes with a sitout jawbreaker. TWIST OF FATE? No way! Carlito shoves Jeff off into the corner and rolls him up with a handful of Jeff’s pants for two. Carlito returns to the seated bearhug to work on the ribs. Jeff reaches the ropes, but Carlito goes right back to the hold. This time Jeff elbows out, but then he runs into what he calls, the Cool Whip. Jeff elbows out of a sleeper hold and delivers a DDT. Jeff hits a sitout front suplex to set up the SWANTON BOMB, but Carlito gets the knees up to block! OUCH! Carlito covers, 1, 2, NO! Since that didn’t finish him off, Carlito pulls out the springboard senton/springboard moonsault combo for 1, 2, NO! Carlito tries for a springboard crossbody, but Jeff ducks that and hits the Whisper in the Wind for 1, 2, NO! Crowd sounds like they’re getting irritated. Jeff goes up top, but Carlito is there to stop him. He tries a top-rope rana on Jeff, but he blocks it and hits the SWANTON BOMB and gets the three-count to retain his title! (13:23) Too soon to say whether or not this match could lead to a Carlito heel turn. Since Johnny Nitro won the belt the next night and he’s already a heel, then it probably won’t. This was one of those matches that got good in the last five minutes, but the start was just really boring. **¼

Let’s find out who is going to be the special referee for the DX vs. Rated RKO match! Here are the results from WWE.com.
- Eric Bischoff (60%)
- Jonathan Coachman (20%)
- Vince McMahon (20%)
Duh.

DeGeneration-X vs. Rated RKO

Shawn makes Edge look foolish to start by owning him and pulling his tights down off a sunset flip. Triple H tags in and continues dominating until Edge pokes H in the eye and tags in Orton, who isn’t allowed hardly any offense. Edge finally gets a blind tag and comes in for a double-team dropkick on Triple H. Edge-O-Matic gets two. So far, Bischoff has called it fair and square. Triple H makes his comeback as he catches Edge leaping off the middle rope and gives him a DDT. HOT TAG TO SHAWN! He cleans house on Edge and Orton, giving them his usual stuff. He heads up top and connects with the elbow on Edge. He sets up for SWEET CHIN MUSIC, but Orton trips him up and crotches him into the ringpost. Triple H complains to Bischoff, but he says he didn’t see it. Edge gets a two out of that and then tags in Orton. Orton punishes Shawn with knee drops and tags in Edge for a double-team beatdown that gets two. Shawn backdrops out of a front facelock once he’s inches away from tagging in Triple H, but gets rolled up before he can make the tag for two. Shawn pops back up, but gets booted back down by Edge for another two. Orton tags in to do his overzealous chinlock spot, which gets several near falls. Shawn punches out, but then runs into a stretch backbreaker, complete with the floppy fish sell! Edge tags in and sets up for the SPEAR! Here he comes! Shawn avoids it and Edge SPEARS Bischoff instead! Edge turns around and goes down to an enziguri. HOT TAG TO TRIPLE H! Running high knee to Orton! Facebuster/clothesline combo to Edge! Spinebuster to Orton! He goes for the PEDIGREE on Orton, but Edge comes by and SPEARS Triple H instead. Shawn dumps Edge out to the floor and follows him out with a pescado. Now Orton is poised and ready for the RKO on Triple H and he delivers! Another referee runs in to count, but it only gets two. That should’ve been the finish right there, but this is DX we’re talking about here. Triple H shoves off another RKO from Orton into SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Triple H covers, but Bischoff pulls the ref out at two and cleans his clock! Shawn goes out to confront Bischoff about what he had just done. Out of nowhere, Edge comes from around the corner and NAILS Shawn with a steel chair! Edge gets back in the ring and goes to nail Triple H, but he blocks and goes for a PEDIGREE. Orton takes the chair and nails Triple H in the back with it, then gives him an RKO on the chair for the three-count. (18:12) Solid match, even though the finish was WAY overbooked. It’s as though no man alive can beat DX unless they use a weapon. ***

Edge and Randy aren’t even going to stick around and watch Lita’s match. They are ready to PARTY, knowwhatImsayin? Umm, Randy, don’t you think you might want to at least put some on pants before you start “partying”? Todd Grisham stops them both before they hop in their limo to tell them their win over DX was tainted. Edge gets all up in his face and reminds Grisham that they just beat DX and that there will be a new era on Raw that’s rated R-K-O! I would love to see a sarcastic interviewer guy who made fun of the wrestlers after they just spout off a bunch of nonsense like that.

Next up is the finals for the WWE Women’s title tournament, which you get to “Pick the Stipulation”. Here are the results from WWE.com.
- No DQ (40%)
- Diva Lumberjacks (46%)
- Submission (14%)
No surprises there since they had already brought all the Divas out to ringside (minus Maria) before they even told us the results.

Mickie James vs. Lita – WWE Women’s Title Tournament Finals Diva Lumberjack Match

That description probably doesn’t read right, but that’s what it is. It’s so sad that they have enough Divas for a lumberjack match that completely surrounds the ring, but have only one or two who can actually wrestle well. They take turns tossing each other out to the floor to make use of the Divas. Lita ends Mickie’s offensive flurry with a neck snap on the top rope from the apron. Lita starts to ground and pound before connecting with a snap suplex for two. Mickie blocks a head to the buckle and delivers a pair of her own. Lita goes to the eyes and hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Lita tries for the submission route and hooks on a sleeper/body scissors hold, which Mickie eventually counters nicely into a cross armbreaker until Lita reaches the bottom rope. Mickie fires back with clotheslines and ranas Lita out to the floor. That causes ALL the Divas to run over and put both women back into the ring. Mickie tries a Tornado DDT out of the corner, but they botch it VERY badly. Lita tries to win with her feet on the ropes, but only gets two. Mickie punches back, but then gets tripped up by Victoria as she comes off the ropes and turns around into a SNAP DDT for the win and her fourth WWE Women’s championship. (8:10) The effort was there, I’ll give them that much. *

In the back, Kenny and Johnny get into a little scuffle because Kenny thinks he’s the boss of the Spirit Squad. He backs his argument by saying that he’s the only one in the SS who was able to pin Ric Flair by himself. Kenny hypes up Mikey because he’s been the result of two pinfall losses to Cryme Tyme.

Who will be Ric Flair’s tag team partner? Let’s find out! Before we check out the polls, Maria does her best Ric Flair impression, which just comes off as uncomfortable to watch instead of cute. Nope, not even Maria is hot enough to pull off that. Here are the results from WWE.com.
- Sgt. Slaughter (19%)
- Roddy Piper (46%)
- Dusty Rhodes (35%)
I would’ve thought for sure it would’ve been Dusty, but what do I know?

WWE World Tag Team Champions Kenny & Mikey (w/The Spirit Squad) vs. Ric Flair & Roddy Piper (w/Dusty Rhodes & Sgt. Slaughter)

Not only does Piper look really bloated and pale, but he acts and looks like he just took a WHOLE bunch of Ritalin. Flair starts off with Kenny with some basic headlocks and hiptosses. Mikey tags in and misses an elbow drop as Flair rolls over and tags in Piper. He fights off the WHOLE Spirit Squad and hooks the SLEEPER on Mikey! Kenny finally comes in and breaks it up. Piper gets stuck in the SS corner as they tag in and out dominating Piper for a bit. Mikey climbs up on Kenny’s shoulders from the middle rope and attempts to splash Piper, but he rolls out of the way! HOT TAG TO FLAIR! Piper and Flair dump Kenny and deliver a double suplex to Mikey! FIGURE FOUR to Mikey is broken up by a SPIRIT CRASH from Kenny! Mikey goes for a slam on Flair, but he counters it into a small package for two. Flair chops Mikey down and hooks on the FIGURE-FOUR! Piper comes over and kicks Kenny out to the floor while Mikey submits in the middle of the ring to give Piper and Flair the tag belts! (6:56) Wow, what a pop! The SS attack Flair and Piper immediately after the bell until Dusty and Slaughter hop in for the save. BIONIC ELBOWS-A-PLENTY! Once Piper finally has the belt in hand, it takes a good five seconds before his brain clicks in to realize what has just happened. *½

King Booker and Queen Sharmell stop by John Cena’s dressing room before the match. Booker asks Cena if he would join forces and take out Big Show and then go one-on-one tonight. Cena agrees to become part of Booker’s “kingdom” for one night, and in exchanges, he wants “one night with the queen”. Sharmell decides to keep it real with John Cena, so Booker shoos her out and tells her that he’ll take care of this situation. Booker agrees to whore out his wife for one night, but Cena wasn’t serious. He just wanted to see if Booker was actually stupid enough to do it. Then, Faarooq comes in out of nowhere and makes a cameo appearance to spout off his catchphrase.

It’s time for the main event! Which title will be on the line to crown the “Champion of Champions”? Here are the results from WWE.com.
- John Cena’s WWE Championship (12%)
- King Booker’s World Championship (67%)
- Big Show’s ECW World Title (21%)
Even if Cena or Big Show does win this match, what does it prove if they just win another title? Does it prove that they are a better champion? No, because it’s a triple-threat match and someone is left unbeaten. No matter how you say it, nothing will logically be proven here tonight. Now if it were under ECW triple-threat rules, then that would be totally different.

World Heavyweight Champion King Booker (w/Queen Sharmell) vs. Big Show vs. John Cena

Booker tries to convince Cena to go after Show, but gets nailed instead. Booker goes out to the floor, leaving Show and Cena in the ring. Show dominates Cena while Booker stands on the apron. Booker finds his opening once Show tries to bring Cena back in the ring and gives Show a SCISSORS KICK on the apron. Booker jumps in the ring and starts stomping away on Show, but he fights back with a right hand. Show controls Booker while keeping Cena down on the floor. Show gives Booker the Final Cut and covers, but Cena dives in for the save. Booker and Cena work together to clothesline Show out to the floor, but the agreement ends soon after as Booker rolls up Cena for two. Booker chops away on Cena, but he comes back with a release fisherman suplex. He goes to cover Booker, and Show yanks him out to the floor. Show picks up the steel steps and lifts them up in front of his face, which means he’ll get tripped up and fall face-first into the steps. Yep, that’s exactly what happens. Cena rolls back in the ring and stumbles right into a BOOK END for 1, 2, NO! Hook kick gets two. Cena punches back, but takes a hotshot and then a superkick for 1, 2, NO! Booker delivers the side slam for two. Booker charges into an elbow and takes a belly-to-belly suplex for 1, 2, NO! Cena runs into the corner and then gets caught awkwardly into a reverse chinlock. Cena powers out and hits a Protobomb for 1, 2, NO! Cena heads up top for a splash, but Booker moves out of the way and gets two. Booker sets up for the SCISSORS KICK, but Cena moves and lifts Booker up for the FU! Booker slides off Cena’s shoulders and delivers a DDT for 1, 2, NO! Man, Show has been out for FIVE MINUTES! Booker goes for a slam, but Cena counters and hits a Russian legsweep for 1, 2, NO! STFU! It looks more like a violent raping than a submission hold because Cena didn’t hook on the stepover toehold correctly. Booker gets to the ropes and tries for the Harlem Sidekick, but Cena ducks and hits a clothesline. Cena hits a corner splash and follows up with a suplex for 1, 2, NO! Back up, Booker reverses a whip and back drops Cena down. He heads up top, but Cena is there to stop him. Cena goes up for a superplex, but here comes Big Show (who was out for nearly EIGHT MINUTES!) to stop Cena. He lifts Cena up on his shoulders to set up a Doomsday Device, but Booker missile dropkicks Show to put both men down! That was the smartest thing I’ve seen done all night! Booker covers Show, but he presses Booker off of him after one! Now Booker and Cena work together to try and double-suplex Show, but that goes horribly wrong and Show is able to suplex BOTH men. Show controls both champions and CHOKESLAMS Booker and then spears Cena out to the floor. They fight around the announce table until Show gets rammed face-first into the steel ringpost. Cena rolls back in the ring to go after Booker. He hits the Five-Knuckle Shuffle on Booker and then kicks a chair back in Show’s face to keep him down for the rest of the match. Sharmell hops in the ring to try and nail Cena with the World title, but she takes an FU instead. It’s STFU time for Booker! While the ref is busy tending to Sharmell, Kevin F’N Federline runs down and hits Cena in the back with the belt. Cena no-sells and chases Federline out of the ring, but then turns around and gets a face full of gold from King Booker. Mike Chioda turns around and counts the three. (21:11) Typical, lazy WWE triple-threat-style booking with one guy out on the floor for half the match. Literally, Show made contact with Booker and Cena for maybe ten minutes of the match and spent the rest of the time out on the floor. The Cena/Booker stuff was okay, but nothing too exciting. Plus, the finish is going to give us K-Fed vs. Cena by 2007. I guess he’s got plenty of time now that he’s divorced to pursue a wrestling career. **

And now for the first time ever…

The Good:
1)
They seem to be acknowledging they have a tag division. Cryme Tyme didn’t get the reaction I was hoping for, because I really think they’re good in the ring and can provide in backstage shenanigans to make for a fun time. They’re black people! Give them some airtime and whatever they do is bound to be funny! What they really need to do though, is build them up for a long time to make their eventual tag title run a big deal, perhaps at Wrestlemania?

2) I’m glad they gave Edge & Orton the win over DX. There’s no sense in having DX in a long-term feud if they’re just going to win every time and the bad guys never get the one up on them.

The Bad:
1)
Where are they going with the undefeated streak of Umaga, and why are they burying Kane so much?

2) I understand the 18-24 male demographic loves some T&A; I am 20 years old and a male. But again, if I was going to look for hot women, I wouldn’t look in the same place where I watch men fight each other in their underwear. If you’re going to have a women’s division, get some women who can wrestle. I don’t care if they want or don’t want to be in Playboy. It’s why Trish is the best women’s wrestler ever. She could WRESTLE, and she wasn’t pressured with everyone wanting to see her ta-tas. This has all been said for many, many years by virtually every “smart” on the internet. I know I’m beating a dead horse, because it still needs a beating.

3) Hey, I’m a Flair and Piper fan from way back. I love those guys, but they’re way too old to be considered the best tag team in the world. I enjoyed it when they won the belts, but then I realized the shape tag team wrestling is in when AARP members are the top dogs. I hope they drop the belts REAL soon to someone more believable, possibly Cade and Murdoch. Those guys could make for an interesting long title run if they were given the chance. I mean, those guys were hanging with Edge no more than two months ago.

4) The main event makes my head hurt. The whole logic thing was thrown out the window. I’ve already shared my thoughts on the whole concept of a “Champion of Champions” triple-threat match above, so I’ll just say that K-Fed is death to the music business. I just wish WWE could keep that in mind. If WWE is getting some attention because of K-Fed’s appearances, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a good thing.

I’m sorry. I can’t help but give this a HUGE thumbs down.

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