December 14, 2006
ECW: December to Dismember
December 3, 2006
James Brown Arena
Your hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz!
MNM vs. The Hardys
I guess the letter “s” is the new “Boyz”. The Hardys reunited and wrestled on the ECW show even though they are both separately exclusive to the other two brands. MNM attacked them, who are also on a different brand, to set up this match. On another sidenote, this is the first tag-team match for MNM on PPV since Judgment Day 2006 when they lost the Smackdown tag titles to London and Kendrick, while this is the first PPV since Judgment Day 2002 for the Hardys when they took on Brock Lesnar and the father of ECW, Paul Heyman. In case you’re reading this a year from now, Jeff Hardy is the WWE Intercontinental Champion at this point. We all know you’ll forget, and I’ll forget too. By the way, why are we in AUGUSTA F’N GEORGIA for an ECW PPV? Not to mention it’s their FIRST SINGLE BRAND SHOW! Mercury locks up with Matt to start while Tazz explains the similarities between the two teams. Hmm, I wonder if Melina is off screwing Paul London or something. Now that would be a similarity! Matt and Mercury go through a headlock/shoulderblock sequence. All four men get in the ring and ref Scott Armstrong cools them down. The Hardys tag in and out working on Mercury’s arm until he elbows out and tags in Nitro. He walks right into a hiptoss and gets his arm worked over by Matt. The Hardys connect with some “tandem offense” on both MNM guys, including that double-wheelbarrow-bomb on Mercury. I like it, but they just need a name for it because I am clueless as to how to describe that. Nitro blocks the sitout jawbreaker from Jeff and tags in Mercury as the crowd chants at Melina, “She’s a crack whore!” Yeah, Augusta would know a crack whore when they saw one. Trust me, I’ve been there. Not a great town. Double-back elbow from MNM to Jeff gets two. Nitro connects with a reverse neckbreaker to set up a standing SSP, but Jeff moves out of the way and tags in his brother. He runs into an elbow out of the corner, but then Matt catches Nitro up top and gives him a Splash Mountain bomb for 1-2-NO! Mercury makes the save, but then gets dumped out to the floor by Matt. Melina grabs Matt’s foot as he comes off the ropes. She leads Matt out to the floor and he follows right into a Mercury clothesline. Nitro brings Matt back in and tags in Mercury for a double-team gutbuster. They control Matt for a bit and even get a near-fall off a double-team cannonball buster. Matt finally counters out of a double-team suplex for a double-reverse neckbreaker. He almost reaches Jeff, but then MNM knock him off the apron. MNM do their version of Poetry in Motion on Matt! They then go for the Twist of Fate/Swanton Bomb finisher, but Matt shoves Mercury into Nitro on the top rope! Will Matt reach his corner? Yes he does! HOT TAG TO JEFF! He nails Mercury with a bunch of clotheslines and then an inverted atomic drop to set up the double legdrop to the groin for 1-2-NO! Nitro saves, but then takes a sitout front suplex. Matt grabs Mercury and sends him out to the floor and follows him out with a pescado. Nitro wants to show them both up by hitting a NO-HANDS TOPE! Jeff doesn’t want to be all alone, so he comes off the top with and just splashes all three men. Back in, Jeff and Matt hit Poetry in Motion on Mercury. Matt delivers the TWIST OF FATE, but Nitro pulls Mercury out to the floor with him to avoid the SWANTON BOMB. Matt gets his face slammed into the ring apron, so Nitro gets up on the apron and hits Jeff with a springboard dropkick for 1-2-NO! MNM work on Jeff’s back since he missed the Swanton. Melina seriously needs to chill out with all the PRIMAL SCREAMS~! Nitro connects with the Corkscrew Legdrop and covers for 1-2-NO! Jeff starts to fight back, but Nitro goes to the eyes and tosses Jeff out to the floor so that Melina can get in her licks. Back in, Mercury covers for two. MNM decide it’s time to deliver a backbreaker/slingshot elbow drop combo for 1-2-NO! Matt makes the save. Jeff comes back with a sunset flip, but Nitro gets a blind tag to Mercury before going down. Mercury hooks on a reverse chinlock. Jeff fights up, but falls into a rollup for two and shoves Mercury out to the floor. As Jeff inches closer to Matt, Mercury gets up and yanks Matt off the apron while Nitro brings Jeff back into his corner and stomps on him. Back in, Jeff catches himself in the corner off a double-catapult and gives MNM the Whisper in the Wind. HOT TAG TO MATT! Matt clotheslines them both and then delivers his oh-so-fake looking clothesline/running bulldog combo on MNM. He follows that up with Side Effects and covers Nitro who is the legal man for 1-2-NO! Matt heads up for the AHHH-Leg Drop and connects for 1-2-NO! Matt tags Jeff and they look to powerbomb Nitro from the middle rope, but Mercury comes over and breaks it up and helps Nitro counter with a rana for 1-2-NO! Jeff catches Nitro up top and sets up for a superplex. Meanwhile on the other side of the ring, Matt positions Mercury in the corner for a superplex. Together, we get STEREO SUPERPLEXES! Matt and Mercury roll out to the floor while Melina hops up on the apron. Jeff comes over to her and almost gets slapped. Nitro charges at Jeff, but he moves out of the way and lets Melina get kicked in the face with a dropkick by her boyfriend! Jeff comes from behind and rolls Nitro up for 1-2-NO! Out on the floor, Mercury shoves Matt into the ringpost. He sneaks back in the ring as Jeff ducks low off a whip and delivers the SNAPSHOT for 1-2-NO! Matt makes the diving save, but gets dumped out again. Since that didn’t work, MNM go for a SUPER-SNAPSHOT, but Matt runs in again and breaks that up with a double Ace Crusher to MNM! He lays Mercury on top of Nitro for Jeff to deliver the SWANTON BOMB to both guys at the same time! Jeff covers Nitro for the 1-2-3! (22:33) Good long tag match, but it was really missing the emotion that heat segments should be building since they went for the “face-in-peril” formula, and I just didn’t feel it. Could it be that the segments just weren’t long enough? ***Ľ
Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney – “Striker’s Rules” Match
Tonight, Matt Striker will compete in an “Extreme Rules” match. No, wait, an “Extreme Enforcement” match. The rules are simple; no eye-gouging, no hair-pulling, no top-rope moves and no foul language, please. Mahoney out-wrestles Striker to start. Striker heads out to the apron after getting caught in a cross armbreaker. Back in, Striker teases a test of strength and pops Balls in the mouth. Wow, that was the filthiest sentence I’ve ever typed. Mahoney misses a charge in the corner and runs shoulder-first into the ringpost. Striker works the arm until Mahoney counters a Fujiwara armbar into a rollup for two. Striker returns to the arm, but then runs into a boot in the corner. Mahoney fires back (“BALLS!”), but Striker pulls him down into a Fujiwara armbar. Mahoney escapes and attempts his Balls Combo, but his arm is hurt too bad to finish it. Striker fights back, but then runs into a side slam for 1-2-NO! Mahoney heads up top, but that is against Striker’s rules! The ref tries to talk him down while Striker shakes the ropes to crotch Balls. Striker applies the rolling Fujiwara armbar again, but Balls won’t tap and reaches the bottom rope. Striker pulls Balls to the center of the ring, but Mahoney surprises him with a back suplex. The Balls Combo happens for real this time. Mahoney catches Striker coming off the ropes with a Rydeen Bomb for the 1-2-3. (8:22) Striker looked pretty good while working Mahoney’s arm. *˝
After watching CM Punk get himself all riled up for the main event, they cut to Sabu who is down and out somewhere backstage. The EMT guys try to get a response out of him while the crowd chants, “Bullshhh”.
Elijah Burke & Sylvester Terkay vs. The FBI (w/Trinity)
Burke powers Guido down to start. He tries to do it again, but Guido counters with a drop-toehold and steals Burke’s hat. Mamaluke tags in and grabs an arm wringer. He tags Guido back in for a double-arm drag and they connect with a hand-in-hand elbow drop for two. Mamaluke tags back in, but gets nailed to allow Burke to tag in Terkay. He pounds Mamaluke in the corner, but then misses a charge. Guido gets the tag and comes off the top, but gets caught by Terkay. Mamaluke tries to save him, but he gets booted out to the floor. Terkay comes up with a great idea and throws Guido out on top of Mamaluke. Burke throws Guido back in to Terkay for more domination. Burke tags in and slaps on a chinlock. Guido elbows out, but then gets tossed into the heel corner for some cheating. Burke charges at Guido in the corner with a double-knee strike and then drops him with an STO for 1-2-NO! Burke returns to the chinlock to kill more time. Guido elbows out again and rolls over to tag in Mamaluke. He gets all fired up and hits a running forearm on Burke, but then tries to knock down Terkay as he gets into the ring. Guido comes over and he gets caught as well. Together, they put Terkay down with a double dropkick to the knees, and another dropkick to Terkay puts him out on the floor. A double flapjack to Burke gets two. Terkay gets back up on the apron in time for Burke to send Mamaluke into him for a forearm shot to set up the ELIJAH EXPERIENCE for the 1-2-3. (6:41) Post-match, Terkay grabs Nunzio and gives him a MUSCLE BUSTER to draw very audible TNA chants from the crowd. Oh, that’s never good. *
We go to the back and see Sabu is now being placed into an ambulance while RVD and CM Punk stand around and watch.
Daivari (w/The Great Khali) vs. Tommy Dreamer
Daivari pounds away on Tommy to start, and then bails. Khali distracts Dreamer long enough for Daivari to nail Dreamer from behind. Dreamer comes back with a hiptoss to send Daivari to the outside again. Daivari gets back in and runs into an armbar from Tommy. Daivari eyepokes out of it and sends Dreamer to the floor with a baseball slide. Dreamer reverses a whip and sends Daivari into the security wall. Back in, Dreamer hits a suplex and tries to come off the ropes, but Khali pulls the top rope down to make Dreamer fall out to the floor. The ref sees it and sends Khali to the back. Back in, Daivari hooks a chinlock. As Dreamer tries to elbow out, Daivari throws him on his head and applies a neck wrench. Dreamer escapes that, but then gets caught with a sleeper. Dreamer stands up out of it and falls back on Daivari. Dreamer wins a slugfest and follows up with a backdrop. He hits a reverse DDT for 1-2-NO! Dreamer goes for the DREAMER DRIVER, but Daivari rakes Dreamer’s eyes to escape it. Dreamer meets Daivari up on the top rope, but gets pounded down to the mat. Daivari goes for a crossbody block, but Dreamer avoids it. He sets Daivari up in the tree of woe and charges in with a dropkick! Dreamer goes for the DDT, but Daivari blocks it and rolls up Dreamer while using the tights for the cheap 1-2-3. (7:23) The match wasn’t too bad up until the super-lame finish. Dreamer chases Daivari to the back, but then runs into the Great Khali! He takes Dreamer out in front of the TitanTron and choke-lifts him up and drops him down HARD on the steel stage floor. If you listen real carefully, you can hear someone scream out, “This isn’t extreme, it’s entertainment!” *˝
In the back, Heyman is searching for Hardcore Holly. He finds him and he’s already one step ahead of Heyman because he’s ready to replace Sabu tonight in the Extreme Elimination Chamber! He’s already in his ring gear and everything. You’ve got to love those employees who are always waiting for opportunities like these.
Mike Knox & Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn & Ariel – Mixed Tag Match
Before the match, Kelly Kelly gets on the mic and wishes CM Punk good luck in the Elimination Chamber. Mike Knox is NOT happy with that! Could Kevin Thorn become the Undertaker for the next generation? It’s possible. Thorn hammers Knox to the mat while Ariel leans over the top rope letting what’s left of her skirt go up for all to see what she has going on in her backyard. Thorn makes his first mistake by lowering his head too quickly off a whip and Knox takes advantage. Thorn comes back with a short-arm clothesline. Thorn looks over at Kelly Kelly and turns around and gets rocked by Knox. Knox runs into an elbow out of the corner, but then catches Thorn with a big boot for 1-2-NO! Knox applies a neck vice until Thorn stands up out of it and backs Knox into his corner to tag in Ariel. The crowd chants “Kelly!” as Knox tags her in. Ariel OWNS Kelly Kelly from one end of the ring to the other, including a very revealing standing boot-choke in the corner. Ariel misses a charge in the corner, but she’s still able to prevent Kelly Kelly from tagging in Knox. Kelly Kelly kicks Ariel away and then reaches for Knox, but he pulls his hand away and walks out on Kelly Kelly. The crowd calls for CM Punk while Ariel chokes her in the ropes, but he doesn’t come out. Ariel gives Kelly Kelly a Choke-STO slam and sits on her face to pin Kelly Kelly for the 1-2-3. (7:43) Thorn and Ariel attack Kelly Kelly after the match, but The Sandman makes his appearance for the save. ˝*
ECW World Champion The Big Show vs. CM Punk vs. Test vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Rob Van Dam – Extreme Elimination Chamber
Rob Van Dam is the only man in this match who is not competing in it for the first time. It’s the same Elimination Chamber match; they’ve just placed weapons in each of the pods. Show has a barbed-wire wrapped bat, Punk has a chair, Test has a crowbar and Lashley has a table. With that said, RVD and Holly start the match. They trade clotheslines and Holly tries for a quick pin. Holly takes RVD out of the ring and onto the steel. RVD kicks Holly away and tries for a kick off the top, but Holly avoids it and RVD latches onto the cage. He attempts to leap back onto Holly, but he misses that too and hotshots himself. Holly slams RVD a couple times on the steel and heads up top. Holly jumps off, but RVD gets his foot up in time to block. RVD rolls back in the ring and delivers the Rolling Thunder over the top rope. Didn’t he do that at SurSer 2002 too? Cool spot, nonetheless. RVD tries for a suplex, but Holly blocks and suplexes RVD back in the ring. Holly comes back in and covers for 1-2-NO! RVD wins a slugfest on their knees with a jumping front kick. Holly comes back with a Brunzell-like dropkick for two at the ten-second mark. The light lands on CM Punk’s pod as the crowd erupts! He throws his chair at Holly’s face and delivers a springboard clothesline to RVD! After he plays to the crowd for a few seconds, he picks up the chair and tosses it to RVD and RVD tosses it right back in his face. RVD follows up with a monkey flip to CM Punk on the chair. Next, they do a little RVD/Lynn action ending with RVD getting his face leg dropped onto the chair. Holly gets back to his feet, so Punk dropkicks him out to the steel. Punk wedges the chair in the corner as we see that RVD is busted open over his right eye. Punk picks RVD up and rams him face-first into the chair. Not only that, but he goes out onto the steel and PILLMANIZES RVD’s head! He goes up top and tries for a rana on Holly, but Holly no-sells and slings Punk into the cage ala Joe/Punk II! How many more stolen spots can I name here? Holly covers Punk and gets one. Back in the ring, Holly delivers a side slam for 1-2-NO! Holly hangs Punk out to dry and then boots him into the cage wall. Back in again, Holly sets up Punk in the corner and gives him a top-rope superplex. RVD slides over and tries to eliminate Punk, but only gets two. Holly tries to get a quick-three on Punk, but he only gets two as well. Punk comes back and connects with his running knee-strike in the corner and tries to hit the running bulldog, but RVD breaks it up with a kick to the face. The time has come for another man to break out of his “pod” and that man is Test. He comes out and immediately jabs Punk in the gut with the crowbar, and then goes over and stabs RVD’s in his cut forehead. He goes back over to Punk and chokes him with it, but he fights back with a hotshot. Meanwhile in the ring, RVD puts Holly down with some kicks and then floors Test with a chairshot. He nails Holly with the chair and then finds Punk sitting in the corner, just waiting to eat a running dropkick with a steel chair in the way. RVD heads up top and connects with the FIVE-STAR FROG SPLASH on Punk to put him away at 12:25. Crowd hates that, but WWE is just following the EC formula. Test comes in and acts like he’s going to DESTROY RVD with a YAKUZA KICK, but he nails Holly with it instead to put him away at 12:45. That was kind of a messed up pin attempt there too. While Test celebrates, RVD is on the top just waiting for him to turn around. He does and gets nailed with a kick off the top. RVD goes back up, but this time he gets up on top of Show’s pod! Big Show grabs RVD’s foot through the chain long enough for Test to get up and nail RVD with a chair! He tosses RVD off the pod and sends him crashing to the mat. Test lays the chair on RVD’s face and heads up to the top of Big Show’s pod and delivers the TEST ELBOW DROP! That will definitely do it for RVD at 14:01. Show and Lashley watch on and look like they’re in shock, but actually they just don’t possess any charisma whatsoever. Crowd chants “Bullshhh” while Test is left to lay there by himself for a good minute. Now I know that extra minute is so that Test can revive his elbow, but it reminds me of Dr. Evil saying, “When I get in the space ship, just say go.” The minute is up and it’s time for Lashley to come out. Heyman’s RIOT squad lays out the ref at ringside to keep Lashley in the pod, but instead he takes the table he’s had in his pod all along and drives it into the chain mesh and breaks it. That seems just a little bit unrealistic to me. He climbs out and kicks Test down off the pod. Lashley destroys Test all over the chamber, but then Test comes back and boot-chokes him in the corner. Test runs at Lashley with the chair, but Lashley gets his foot up in time. Lashley hits Test in the gut with the crowbar and delivers the SPEAR to eliminate Test at 19:40 with a minute and ten seconds left. Heyman gives Show a pep talk during that time as once again, I think of Dr. Evil. Don’t forget that Big Show has a barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat! He walks out and points the bat at Lashley to steal a STING spot as the crowd chants TNA! Show beats Lashley down with the bat, but Lashley blocks all the shots with the chair. Lashley avoids a bat-shot out on the steel and nails Show with the chair. He slams Show’s face in the steel and poses to get a Cena reaction. Evidently that REALLY pissed him off, because he takes Show and throws him THROUGH one of the pods. Show is busted open as a result to make the blood count in the match now two instead of one. Show gets back to his feet and shoulder-charges through the other side of the pod. Lashley tries to keep Show down, but he ends up being thrown back into the ring. Eww, Show is SLOBBERIN’. Show calls for the CHOKESLAM, but Lashley counters it with a DDT. Lashley fights back and avoids a corner charge. He leaps at Show and gets caught, but then slips out of a powerslam and hits the SPEAR to pin Show and win the ECW World Title. (24:45) This could’ve been so much better had the cream of the ECW talent crop not been the first couple people eliminated in the match. Instead, we were left with the big dudes, which is what Vince would’ve wanted anyway. I liked it better upon second viewing. ***
The Good News: Regardless of the terrible booking circumstances that made it all completely ridiculous and pointless, I enjoyed seeing the ‘80s-style opening tag match.
The Bad News:
1) I try my hardest to see as MUCH good in a wrestling show as I possibly can, but this show was just not oozing with goodness due to poor booking from start to finish. Only two advertised matches and only one of them featured actual ECW wrestlers. What made it even worse is that they put all their main feuds into that one match, which made it impossible for anything to have any heat. It was so poorly booked, that they had to create a tag-team mini feud with people from other brands for anyone to consider buying this show.
2) The poor undercard was filled with crap that we’ve been watching for free every week on the Sci-Fi Channel.
3) Once the elimination chamber match started, the crowd forgot and did not care about Sabu. There was hardly any mention of him whatsoever, and the couple thousand people who saw this PPV will have the “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” reaction when they bring it up on Tuesday night.
4) Punk is the hottest thing going in ECW right now and he’s the first man eliminated. I understand that a person who is in the match for the first time usually gets eliminated first because that’s the EC formula, but you had FIVE OTHER PEOPLE YOU COULD’VE GOT RID OF INSTEAD. I’m not saying Punk should’ve walked out with the title belt Sunday night, but he should not have been eliminated first by any stretch of the imagination.
5) Since they had to drop the belt to somebody, Lashley was the best choice to win the belt out of those in the EC match and that bugs me. I hope Vince is happy now that ALL three of his champions (Cena, Batista and Lashley) are all muscle heads. I’ve warmed up to Cena somewhat who I used to have no tolerance for, Batista hasn’t been the same he won the belt the first time, and Lashley has no charisma whatsoever. I guess you can say we have three champions that are tolerated, not beloved.
Final Thoughts: While it’s the worst PPV (so far… it’s December and we’ve still got another PPV to go!) of 2006, and since I haven’t seen every PPV ever, I can’t go that far with my dislike for this show. Although it does include two three star matches, the undercard is just too awful to sit through for repeated viewing. This has truly been a December to Dismember; from my mind, that is. Thumbs down for this one.