December 3, 2007
Mike Abitabile

The Devilís Advocate:
Itís Still Real to Me, Brother

I hope all my readers inside the United States had a great Thanksgiving. I have returned after a long week, so for those of you that were worried, my blog will return to regular updates again. Letís look at some interesting stories from the past week.

The Hogans are Getting DivorcedÖ. Right?

Last Friday, news broke that Linda Hogan had filed for divorce from her husband, Hulk. Pardon me, but the first thought that went through my head was, ďyeah, right.Ē I am not trying to take away from a real life personal issue, but, if you know Hulk Hogan the way you should (if you call yourself an internet smart fan anyway), the same thought should have gone through your head, too.

The Hulkster has a history of making things up for the sake of kayfabe in wrestling. For example, depending on what day you ask him, Andre weighed in somewhere between 600 and 800 pounds when he slammed him at Wrestlemania III. He also may or may not have torn every muscle in his back after executing that slam. A lot of people get annoyed with him for doing this, but the guy is old school. He likes to protect stuff and even create stories that can be paid off eventually. In recent years, his strategy seems to have carried over to their VH1 show, Hogan Knows Best.

This just seems like the perfect storyline to me. I donít watch the show, but I do know last season dealt with the Hogansí marital issues. And many people assumed that was all bogus and was just for the show. So whatís the best way to prove them wrong? If you said, ďfile for divorceĒ then come on down, youíre the next contestant on the Price is Right. Itís the classic cliffhanger that youíd see on any television show. It smacks you with something you didnít expect, leaves you with your mouth wide open and, most importantly, paying attention to see what happens next. Like how they make up and get remarried on the next season of Hogan Knows Best (if it gets renewed). If it doesnít, maybe they can have Hulk and Nick vs. Linda and Brooke at Wrestlemania.

Iím not saying the whole thing is scripted. I am just saying, if it was, I wouldnít be surprised to hear it. Iím not the only person who feels this way either. It almost pains me to say Dave Scherer and myself had the same thought, but that is what it seems has happened (here). If it is real, I assume the Hulkser and his wallet hope there is a pre-nup involved.

Kristal Marshall is Moral

Kristal Marshall posted her side of the story concerning her release from World Wrestling Entertainment last week. The explanation (which you can read (here) basically states that she was asked to take part in a storyline that she deemed ďmorally degrading.Ē Although, in the same breath, she complains that the storyline was already done, which should make people a little weary of her justification. There are a few other reasons to be skeptical too, which Iíll get to, although no one wants to hear them, they just want to hear how horrible WWE is.

Kristal likens herself to Lita, although, in her defense, she does put Lita over and says they are not in the same league. But she was comparing herself to Lita, the character. Apparently, they wanted to turn Kristal into a sex kitten for Edge, much like Lita. She muses that, despite how great Lita is and was, all the fans remember about her is the slut storyline. I would argue however, that the reason they remember that is because it is the last thing she did. Had she done something different before she left, they probably would have that as their lasting memory. She says Lita was a huge heel, but at what ďexpenceĒ (Kristalís typo, not mine)?

It just sounds like she was trying to protect her own character, which can be seen as either noble, or selfish, depending on your view. My issue is with her using the morally degrading card as an excuse. You are a character on a television show. You are not your character. Is David Anders a murderer because his character of Adam Monroe killed Kaito Nakamura (George Takei) on Heroes? And, more importantly, was it morally degrading because it involved murder?

Remember, when news first broke about Kristalís release, many sites were reporting there were discipline and attitude issues involved with her release. And while I always tell people not to believe everything they read on the internet, I can explain why they should here. If she was fired for refusing to participate in a storyline, I would think that constitutes wrongful termination. So, if a lawsuit isnít filed, you can probably figure out which side you should believe here. Iím not saying there isnít any truth involved in her version, Iím just saying that she is obviously trying to paint herself as the victim because she knows many of the internet fans will all sympathize with her because they enjoy hearing how horrible WWE is. Which brings me to my next point.

Oh No, Itís Spreading

You may or may not know, although I donít hide the fact, that I am a huge NASCAR fan. NASCAR had a somewhat down season, with declining television ratings and fans becoming more and more vocal about their issues with the sport. So, as I was reading an opinion piece on ThatsRacin.com by David Poole (here). I let out a laugh when I saw this sentence by Poole:

ďTheyíre complaining, a lot, but what should be more troubling to NASCAR is some fans almost revel in any sign the sport is struggling.Ē

He then goes on to mull this over and is almost dumfounded by it. David, if you followed wrestling, your head might explode.

I am always left shaking my head because this is the way news is reported and the way fans react when that news is reported. Itís like they want to see WWE struggle because it justifies their complaints or something. The majority of the wrestling internet is made up of this and I personally find it stupid. You are, of course, entitled to your own opinion, but if I donít enjoy something, I donít watch it. I donít like American Idol, so I could care less when it is on. I donít sit there watching it and then go online to try to convince everyone who does like it that itís stupid. Find something better to do with your time. Sadly, it seems this backwards way of thinking is making its way into other areas now. The SpeedTV.com message boards already remind me of the cynical wrestling fans. Although, at least I can be confident in the fact that NASCAR reporters wonít be mixing news with opinions like some (or is that most?) wrestling reporters I know, and will keep their personal feelings relegated to the editorial section.

Feedback is always welcome at figurefanatic@gmail.com or you can visit my blog here.

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