June 2, 2009
Austin Atwood

"HARDCORE TV"
Date: July 10, 1995 (taped: July 1, 1995)
Location: ECW Arena (Philadelphia, PA)

DINO SENDOFF & DON E. ALLEN vs. THE BROADSTREET BULLY & CHAD AUSTIN
(referee: Jim Molineaux)

Austin and Allen start off and they do a sloppy rope-running sequence that ends with Austin fucking up a backdrop horribly. Ugh. The crowd is booing from the outset because they know this match is nothing more than fodder for something to come. The Bully tags in and he and Austin backdrop Allen. Joey casually says "this match isn't very good", then decides that since it'll never be aired anyway, he might as well bad-mouth WCW while he's at it. But the joke's on him, as 911's music hits and you can pretty much figure out the rest from there. Chokeslams in order: Bully, Austin, Sendoff, Allen.
Result: no contest (1:29).

More chokeslams are apparently called for however, so Chad Austin and Don E. Allen do the honors courtesy of a double chokeslam. We then see Bill Alphonso cautiously coming out from behind the curtain before heading to…

Opening credits. Damn, skanky Beulah is HOT. Just sayin'.

Joey from backstage does the hype for Heat Wave '95. Scheduled: Axl Rotten vs. Sandman for the ECW World Title, 2 Cold Scorpio vs. Taz, Eddy Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko each with a mystery partner (to be revealed on this show), Luna vs. Stevie Richards in a Steel Cage, The Gangstas vs. The Public Enemy in the Cage with weapons, plus Hack Myers vs. Val Puccio, brought about because of…

BIG VALLEY vs. HACK MYERS
(referee: John Finnegan)

Val Puccio is always introduced in the ring as Big Valley, but Joey never calls him that in commentary. And dear Lord, he is FAT. Like "needs a forklift to get out of the house fat", not just King Kong Bundy wrestling fat. I can think of a million things I'd rather do than recap this match. Pray for a quickie. It starts with lots of talking, as Val is making friends with the ECW faithful rather quickly. He challenges Hack to slam him, but Hack throws his back out trying to get the whale up. Val pounds on him in the corner with some "shit" punches, only for Hack to fire back with the "shah" variety. And kicks too. Corner whip is reversed and Val squashes Hack in the corner. Multiple times. This goes on forever, as Hack just falls over and Val keeps jawing with the fans at ringside. A fifth corner splash puts Hack down and Val lifts him up for a fat guy powerslam. Joey says that Hack may have broken ribs and I believe it if for no other reason than that Val is JUST THAT FAT. Splash off the ropes flattens Hack even more, but he rolls out of the way of a simple elbow drop and scores the cheapest of pins as a result.
Result: Hack Myers via pinfall (6:17).

Val gets some quick retribution for the loss by splashing Hack a few more times before rolling his bloated mound of gelatin out of the ring. Oh boy. Can't wait for THAT rematch.

(LAST WEEK ON ECW) Joey goes over the tag title change by showing FanCam footage of the Gangstas interfering in the TPE vs. Raven & Richards match. Included this week is the reversal of the decision, and then the reversal of the reversal.

THE PITBULLS (w/ Beulah McGillicutty & Raven & Stevie Richards) vs. DUDLEY DUDLEY & LITTLE SNOT DUDLEY (w/ Big Duck Dudley)
(referee: John Finnegan)

This would be the official debut of the Dudley Boys, Version 1. Apparently Dudleyville wasn't founded yet, as they're introduced as being from the Hills of Charleston, PA. Pitbull #1 and Snot lock it up with PB1 getting the better of it and pounding the, erm, snot out of him. Corner whip is reversed, but PB1 gets a clothesline coming out of the corner. In comes PB2 with a running powerslam, Davey Boy style. Dropkick (and a nice one!) by the bald Pitbull. Back to PB1 for more corner muggery. VICIOUS back heel kick puts Snot down for two but the Pitbull pulls him up. Dudley Dudley tags in, as does PB2, and they lock up before exchanging punches, with Double D actually coming out on top and getting a pair of corner whip clotheslines and a scoop slam. Tag back to Little Snot who misses an elbowdrop and gets tossed to the floor. He gets thrown into a chair held by PB1 and rolled back in. PB1 slingshots into a shoulderblock to put Snot down again, as we cut to ringside where the yet-to-be-named-Francine gives Stevie a kiss, which leads to Beulah and her going at it over the railing in a hair-pulling exhibition. Papa Raven drags both Stevie and Beulah to the back by the hair. In the ring, Little Snot eats a superbomb, but the Pitbulls don't go for the cover right away because they're lost without their master. Dudley Dudley comes off the top onto PB2 while Finnegan has his back turned and proceeds to roll Snot on top for the surprise three count.
Result: The Dudley Boys via pinfall (5:49).

We replay the finish, including the ringside shenanigans. The Pitbulls then scream their way through a ringside interview with Joey, essentially accusing Raven of doin' it with Stevie doggie style. That would be a face turn, I guess.

To confirm said turn, Joey throws it so some footage from later in the evening of Luna pounding on Stevie while Tommy goes to town on Raven. Raven eventually turns things around for his team and DDT's Dreamer on a tag title belt, which draws out the Pitbulls. Stevie demands a superbomb, but the Pitbulls refuse to bomb Luna as requested, leading to Raven chair shotting them. This is of course no sold, as the Pitbulls complete the turn by destroying Stevie Richards. They go to superbomb him, but the Dudleys arrive and break that up. Generic brawl breaks out and we're back to the original Stevie-Luna and Tommy-Raven pairings. Tommy makes use of an ironing board on Raven's skull and drags him and Stevie towards the back. There we meet up with the Pibulls, who have already put the Dudleys through the wall, so Tommy tosses Raven through it as well. That's some high quality carnage right there. Over to the Eagle's Nest we go for more brawling, the Pitbulls and Dreamer getting the best of things before Raven and Stevie run for hills. The Dudleys want some more though, so they take their ass whipping as well.

(LAST WEEK ON ECW) Taz no-sells 2 Cold Scorpio's finisher and pins him with a Tazplex. Fonzie lays the badmouth on referee John Finnegan, Paul E. beats the crap out of him, and Scorpio blindsides Taz to get his heat back, if not his win. After the fact, Fonzie bans the fans from ECW Arena.

Back in the now, Joey announces that Dean Malenko has chosen Scorpio to be his mystery partner, while – betcha can't see this coming – Guerrero has chosen Taz. Paul E. steps into the picture to add his two cents on the idea. "Path of Rage" is mentioned for the first time.

Again we see the shot of an entire ring full of fans celebrating with the Public Enemy. Nope, still didn't collapse.

Outside the arena the Gangstas – with their own video crew – attack TPE on their way out the back door and tag them with spray paint. New Jack cuts a promo, claiming to have "invented violence" and threatening to do that bit from the movie The Hitcher with the guy stretched between two trucks heading in opposite directions. Awesome. The dynamic of these Gangsta promos is genius, with New Jack laying it out smooth while Mustafa spits out his retarded Tourettes. Tonight's closing gem: "Deez nuts." Mustafa is a guilty pleasure, I'll admit it.

Overview: Well the wrestling sucked, per usual, but you can certainly see what Heyman's always blubbering about with the "accent the positive" excuse. They had little to work with in terms of actual talent, so they stuck with what the guys could do, making sure that it was different from what the major feds were providing. It doesn't really hold up well years later, but it's still easy to understand how it got over back in the day. I could live without ever seeing Fat Puccio ever again (or Hack Myers, for that matter), but for as much as I hate them as wrestlers, the Pibulls, the Public Enemy and The Gangstas are all good as characters. I'm also enjoying the Raven-Stevie dynamic, especially now that we've added Francine to the mix. All together is adds up to demented fun.

wordpress stats plugin