August 5, 2009
ECW TV Report for August 4, 2009
Uniondale, Long Island, NY
The show began with the Abraham Washington Show which makes me wish my television had failed instead of my internet service. Washington read some awful, scripted material to try and heel him to the crowd. He teased inviting Sarah Palin on the show which is literally an idea they stole from TNA. If you want to book a former governor, go with Jesse Ventura since at least he can cut one heck of a promo. Anyway, Washington’s not as awful as Dr. Ken, but there are similarities in their attempts at humor. Anyway, this led to Zach Ryder coming out and the two traded insults. Washington referenced to old McDonald’s character Grimace. Shelton Benjamin came out and the bad insults and 80’s pop culture references continued (the Smurfs). Washington proposed they settle it with a sign-off. Ryder botched and forgot the lyrics of a Hootie and the Blowfish song (hey, we’re into the nineties now!). Benjamin did marginally better trying the same song. The segment mercifully ended with the two brawling onto and over the couch. This was pretty much a continuation of Raw where they went out of their way to make sure everybody involved looked foolish and silly.
Ezekiel Jackson v. Danny Danger
Jackson hit a backbreaker, soccer kick and his version of the uranage to complete the squash. I’m surprised he got to do the soccer kick (to the ribs) considering that’s Randy Orton’s move. After the match, Vladimir Kozlov came out and hit the iron curtain on Danger. Jackson then hit his finisher on Danger.
Jackson squash, 0:36.
Backstage, Tiffany was chatting with some people when a large crate very slowly (but perilously!) rolled toward a production assistant. Hurricane saved the day. After some dinner theatre-level acting, Paul Burchill walked out to say that this was all ridiculous. Burchill and Helms could actually have some pretty good matches.
Sheamus v. Goldust
Sheamus went after the should early prompting the referee to stop the match and check on Goldust’s shoulder. Since when do you get an injury timeout in wrestling (30 seconds into the match, no less)? Sheamus stomped away on the shoulder and held an arm bar. Sheamus kept working with a single-arm DDT for a near fall. He then went back to the arm bar. Sheamus hot shotted the shoulder over the top rope and hit a shoulder block for a near fall. Goldust slipped out of a shoulder breaker and got a roll up for a two count. Sheamus retook the advantage with a hammer lock. Goldust made a brief comeback with a bulldog, clothesline, uppercut and powerslam. That led to a near fall and Goldust went to the middle rope. There, Sheamus swept his leg out and got the surprising three count.
Sheamus cut a promo on the floor and was attacked by Goldust from behind. Goldust then fired Sheamus into the barricade. As I said last week, I like the idea of wrestlers beating other wrestlers multiple times. And this seems to lead to a third match between the two which hopefully will further establish Sheamus.
Sheamus d. Goldust, Pin, 4:47, * ½.
Jeff Hardy wrestles CM Punk on Friday’s Smackdown. So no matter whether they redo this match at SummerSlam or do the three way dance with Morrison, the match (or two very close facsimiles of it) will have already been given away for free.
ECW Championship, Extreme Rules: Christian v. Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer brought a hot dog cart and Christian brought out a car door, which at least are novel weapons. The crowd started with the “we want tables” chant early on. Christian eluded a couple of shots from the Singapore cane before Dreamer finally caught him. Tommy then hit a side-Russian leg sweep onto the floor. We then had another on of those small, but embarrassing quality control moments where the announcers didn’t know the match was falls count anywhere or not. Anyway, Christian then caught Dreamer coming back in the ring with a baseball slide. Christian then hit a crossbody from the inside of the ring onto Dreamer on the floor. Christian then went to work with a wooden crutch. He then went for a charge but Dreamer stepped aside and Christian ran into the hot dog cart. Dreamer hit Christian with one of the condiment holders and stuffed a hot dog into his mouth as the match went to break. After the break, Dreamer rammed a garbage can into the head of Christian for a near fall. Christian slipped out of a bulldog and hit Dreamer over the head with the garbage can lid. Christian used the can and the cane for a bit before Dreamer cane back with a back body drop on the floor. Christian came back with a dropkick from the top of the barricade. The fans started the dueling chants for both men. Dreamer rammed Christian into the corner and into the trash can. Tommy used the Singapore cane to assist with a pump handle slam and got a near fall. Christian came back and hit Dreamer over the head with the garbage can for another near fall. Christian set up Tommy for a tornado DDT, but missed and crashed into two garbage cans. That led to a long two count. Dreamer put Christian in the tree of woe and hit his baseball slide. Dreamer then put the can in front of Christian and nailed the can with the crutch. Tommy went to finish with the DDT but Christian slipped out. Christian went outside to get the car door and charged at Dreamer. Tommy responded by blasting Christian with the lid (what did you mother tell you about putting your head out the car window?). Tommy went for a piledriver on the door but Christian flipped him around into the kill switch onto the door for the win.
Christian d. Dreamer, Pin, 16:10, ***.