March 14, 2013
Kevin Hensley

WWE Main Event Review
March 13, 2013 (Taped March 12, 2013)
Ft. Wayne, IN at the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
Commentators: Michael Cole & The Miz

-Main Event open, followed by full pyro

-Out to announce Alberto Del Rio is Ricardo Rodriguez. After Del Rio enters, he throws to a video parody of Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter’s “We the People” videos. For what it’s worth, Alberto does a pretty good impression of Jack. After that, Del Rio says he needs to get serious, because he has a big opponent tonight. Cue The Big Show’s music. He marches down to the ring, the bell sounds, and we’re underway!

1. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio VS The Big Show: Non-Title Match
-Collar and elbow tie-up, which, of course, Show wins with a big shove. Big Show chops Alberto HARD across the chest, which sends Del Rio outside. Show takes chase, and Alberto uses his speed to rush back in and catch Show coming in with a kick, then a BACKSTABBER. That sends Big Show to the floor, BUT HERE COMES SWAGGER AND COLTER to (cough, cough) OBSERVE the proceedings. We go to break 1:06 into the match.

[Commercial Break, during which, an ad for WWE Power Slammers (featuring Sheamus fighting Rey Mysterio) airs.]

-AND we’re back with Big Show chopping Del Rio HARD AGAIN in the chest. Big Show hammers away, then fires Alberto into the ropes for a shoulderblock. Show picks up Del Rio by the arm, and begins to work on it. Elbow smash, leg drop, overhand wristlock, you know, the works, except from a 441 LB. MAN. Alberto fights out in the corner, charges, Show kicks him in the gut, sets him up for a powerbomb, but Del Rio counters with a hurricanrana. Alberto heads up top and catches Big Show with a TOP ROPE ROUGH RYDER. DEL RIO IS ON FIRE!!! He sets Show up for the CROSS ARM-BREAKER, but Big Show stands up, carries Alberto over to the apron, and dumps him over the top to the floor! WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO MAKE HIM MAD? HE CAN CARRY A 240 POUND MAN ON ONE ARM! Show distracts the referee during the ten-count, JUST long enough for Swagger (forgot about him, didn’t ya?) to run down and clip the knee. That keeps Del Rio down for the countout.

Winner: The Big Show by Countout in 4:49. Decent action given the time, combined with a little fuel added to the fire for Del Rio/Swagger at WrestleMania 29 for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship…eh, we’ll go **.

-After a replay of the highlights of the match, Del Rio is helped to the back by his serva…eh, BUDDY Ricardo. He gets a good pop as he walks out, that seemed genuine and NOT piped in. We’re out!

-BUT WAIT! GO SEE THE BOX OFFICE BOMB OF 2013, “Dead Man Down,” “starring” Wade Barrett. Ok, now it’s commercial time.

[Commercial Break]

-And before we go back to the ring, how about an ad for WWEShop.com? Check.

-Back at ringside, 3MB has came out! YES! They’re so over-the-top with this gimmick that it works, IMO. Out comes their opponents, The Usos, tribal dance on the stage and all.

2. The Usos VS Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre (Representing 3MB)
-Slater and a Uso start (sorry, STILL haven’t made the distinction between the two.) Armbar by Uso gets reversed, then Slater showboats into an uppercut. Tag to the other Uso. Irish whip, DOUBLE SNUKA CHOP. DOUBLE ELBOW DROP. Ouch. The Snuka chop is painful enough with two hands instead of four. Nice spot there. Cover, 1, 2, no. Another armbar, until Slater whips the Uso into the ropes, and Jinder Mahal low-bridges the top rope, taking him to the floor. Tag to McIntyre, who goes to, ahem, ASSIST the fallen adversary. Yeah, right, he picks him up in a fireman’s carry and drops him face-first over the apron. Back in, and Drew catches the Uso flush with a BIG BOOT. Stiff. McIntyre tries a pin, but can’t get the Uso’s shoulder to the mat, so he gives up and tags Heath back in. Slater with a kick to the gut, then measures the Uso for the Road Dogg’s SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL. I’m sorry, that is awesome, but that should be a face routine, right? Cover, 1, 2, NO. Heath quickly locks on a reverse chinlock, until the Uso stands up and back suplex’s out. Double down, Slater tags Drew, and… HOT TAG TO THE FRESH USO. Clothesline. Then repeat. A KICK TO THE SHIN. Nice. Irish whip, Uso ducks and gets caught with a kick by McIntyre. Drew charges and knocks the recovering Uso off the apron, turns around and gets caught in a SAMOAN DROP for his troubles. That should mesh well with Drew’s banged up ribs from Ryback and Mark Henry Monday night on Raw. McIntyre crawls to the corner, and the Uso greets him with the BUTT TO THE FACE. I was REALLY hoping for a STINKFACE there, but instead, we get 1, 2, SLATER stops all that! Heath gets deposited to the outside for his trouble, and Drew gets kicked in those achy, breaky ribs again. Tag to the (now) fresh Uso, who heads up top for the SUPERFLY SPLASH. That gets the duke.

Winners: The Usos at 4:06. Excellent formula tag team match here, but again, TAG MATCHES SHOULDN’T GO UNDER TEN MINUTES. PERIOD. Therefore, this match gets **/5.

-After a replay of the highlights of the match, The Usos stand tall in the ring.

-Later tonight, IC champ Wade Barrett battles Justin Gabriel. BUT NEXT! JOHN CENA AND THE ROCK, (another) YEAR IN THE MAKING.

[Commercial Break]

-Hey, did you know that the WWE had the top-selling sports DVD last week, with “The Very Best of WCW Monday Nitro, Vol. 2?” Yeah, me neither. Huh, those “Did You Know” graphics…THE MORE YOU LEARN. Think about it…

-We see a SWEET video package documenting the John Cena/Rock history, starting with WrestleMania 28 last year to present day. Excellent production.

-After that, we see ANOTHER video package, this time documenting Brock Lesnar coming out on Raw, OWNING THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS, then accepting Triple-H’s challenge to a match at WrestleMania, but only under his stipulation. Paul Heyman, “If you’re not down with that, I’ve got two words for you…BROCKKKK LLLLLESNAR!” Good grief, Heyman is AWESOME right now. Anyway…not sure what the match stipulation will be, but THIS MONDAY, Triple-H will be on Raw to respond to the…um, response. Ok…

-Wade Barrett is shown walking to the ring. He faces Justin Gabriel, NEXT!

-DON’T CHANGE THAT STATION! WWE Home Video presents “Bret Hart: The Dungeon Collection,” now on DVD. I actually would LOVE to own that.

-AND DON’T FORGET! WWE MAIN EVENT IS ON WEDNESDAYS AT 8PM ON ION TELEVISION. YOU MIGHT EVEN GET TO SEE JOHN CENA! Yeah, right…can we go to break now? Thanks!

[Commercial Break, and the same WWE Power Slammers ad airs once more. Talk about overkill, ION will soon be home to the WWE Network, at this rate.]

-This Friday on Smackdown! Ryback VS The “World’s Strongest Man” Mark Henry! What will happen?

-Back to the ring, and Justin Gabriel is already out, waiting on Wade Barrett. Here comes the Intercontinental Champion. Before the start of the match, we go back to Raw Monday, where Wade Barrett interrupted a match between The Miz and Chris Jericho (Barrett was on commentary,) until both of them hit their finishers. AND, in a WWE Active EXCLUSIVE, Vickie Guerrero comes in and makes a Triple Threat Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship for THIS MONDAY on Raw, between Miz, Jericho & of course, the champion Barrett. That can be great, if given the right time to be. BUT THAT’S THEN, GABRIEL IS NOW. Bell sounds, let’s get going!

3. Justin Gabriel VS WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett: Non-Title Match
- THE NEXUS EXPLODES! Gabriel with a kick go-behind into a waistlock, but Barrett elbows Justin in the head to stop that. Irish whip, Gabriel baseball slides under, hits an arm drag, leg sweep, then a victory roll for 1, no. Justin hops on the second rope and hits a clothesline. GABRIEL IS A HOUSE OF FIRE. Justin whips Wade into the corner, charges, Barrett backdrops him over the top rope, Gabriel lands on the apron, blocks a punch and hits a forearm, climbs up top and gets the ol’ crotch job for his troubles. Justin lies on his stomach, and Wade comes in and pounds away at his back, until the referee admonishes him enough to warrant a backoff. Charge back in by Barrett with a knee to the gut, pulls Gabriel down. 1, 2, no. Wade off the ropes with an elbow drop. Justin back up, but gets trapped under in-between the second and top rope, and lands a BIG BOOT. Barrett drags Gabriel back in for 1, 2, no. Wade locks on a reverse chinlock, Justin fights back to his feet. Uh-oh, could it be? Elbow, two punches, but Wade stops that with a knee to the gut. Not THE knee to the gut, Justin didn’t even get to bounce off the ropes. Barrett whips Gabriel in, Gabriel ducks and lands a kick, then another, then a spinning back kick, then whips Wade in and hits a scissors kick. Wade into the corner, Justin jumps over him to the second rope and comes off with a crescent kick. Boy, Gabriel likes to kick A LOT. Not a knock on his talents, just saying. Justin goes to the top for the 450 SPLASH, but Wade saw it coming and jumps up. Gabriel jumps over him, then runs into a crescent kick to the gut. Barrett loads up for the BULL HAMMER, but Justin ducks, jumps off the second rope INTO THE BULL HAMMER. Wade won’t be denied! And neither will the pinfall, this one is over!

Winner: Wade Barrett in 3:15. That was an action packed 3:15, so we’ll go **/5.

-Yet another replay of the highlights of the match, and Barrett heads outside to jaw with The Miz at the commentary table. Nothing happens, he just holds the belt up high and walks off as a graphic flashes advertising the aforementioned Triple Threat on Raw Monday.

-We get a video package for the red carpet premiere of “The Call,” starring Halle Berry and depending on whom you ask, David Otunga. We FINALLY see that Otunga portrays a clean-shaven police officer in the movie, but don’t worry, he’s a good guy here! Wait, Abigail Breslin is in this movie too? Wow, that’s quite an impressive cast. I’m serious, no sarcasm intended. Berry puts over Otunga as “hard-working” in the movie. Maybe this one will do better at the box office, it actually looks watchable.

-NEXT! CM Punk disrespected Paul Bearer. Thus, he made The Brothers of Destruction (The Undertaker and Kane, for those of you unfamiliar,) REALLY MAD. Would they straighten him out? Find out on the “Raw Rebound,” next!

[Commercial Break]

-We see an ad for “The Marine 3: Homefront,” starring The Miz. It’s out on DVD now, and looks…decent.

-Raw Rebound! We all know how Punk interrupted a tribute to Paul Bearer Monday on Raw, and how he dealt with Kane & The Undertaker BOTH. This WrestleMania match just got PERSONAL. That’ll take us home.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Three short matches, but plenty of WrestleMania hype…hmm…let’s go **/5.

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