April 13, 2013
WWE Main Event Review
March 27, 2013
Hershey, PA at The Giant Center
Commentators: Michael Cole & The Miz
Special Guest Commentator: Daniel Bryan (during 1st match)
-Main Event open
-No standard pyro, but Kane’s goes off! Here comes the Tag Team Champions, Team Hell No! Looks like Kane’s in singles action right off the bat. His opponent? The United States Champion, Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro, WEIRDLY, yodels on his way to the ring. Maybe it’ll lead to something, but right now, it’s just…odd. Anyway, the bell rings, we’re underway!
1. WWE Tag Team Champion Kane VS WWE United States Champion Antonio Cesaro: Non-Title Match
-Kane establishes dominance early on, not letting Antonio get in ANY standard chain wrestling without thwarting the attempt by simply throwing Antonio away. Cesaro hammers away, tries to hiptoss Kane out of the corner! WHAT? You know how that ended. Kane with a clothesline, then another one send Cesaro to the floor. Antonio catches Kane with a head to the gut on the apron, and then tries to suplex Kane over the top rope. Again, WHAT? And again, you know how that ended. Kane reverses and suplexes Antonio back in. Cesaro catches Kane charging in the corner, climbs up top and comes down with a fist across the back, which knocks Kane down to one knee. Overhand wristlock from Antonio, then Kane pushes him off and through the ropes. Antonio climbs up on the apron, and the ol’ throat-first-drop-across-the-top-rope dooms Kane. Antonio pounces up top again, but Kane catches him with a throat thrust on his way down. Hook of the leg, 1, 2, no. Kane locks in a reverse chinlock, and we go to break 3:36 into the match.
[Commercial Break, during which, an ad for WWE Power Slammers (featuring Sheamus & Rey Mysterio,) airs.]
-Before we re-join the match, we get a trailer for the most successful (as far as the box office goes,) movie for WWE Studios, The Call.
-Back to the ring, and Kane is hammering away at Antonio in the corner. Irish whip to the other corner, Antonio catches Kane coming in with knees to the face, bounces to the second rope, and lands a flying spinning elbow. Cover, 1, 2, no. Cesaro locks in an overhand wristlock (that’s two!) and keeps him grounded for a moment. Antonio stops Kane’s attempt at a comeback, drop-toe hold’s him into the second rope, runs outside, charges and lands a forearm, and then quickly scampers back in for a dropkick. 1, 2, nada. Antonio locks in the overhand wristlock again (that’s THREE times in this match!) Kane fights back to his feet, but Antonio thwarts that attempt, tries an Irish Whip into the corner, Kane reverses and charges in with a clothesline. Kane repeats the same spot again, then catches Cesaro with a side slam for 1, 2, no. Antonio quickly catches Kane with a huge uppercut, that gets 1, 2, eh-eh! Antonio argues with the ref over the count as we go to commercial again 6:45 into the match.
-WE’RE BACK! Cesaro now has a reverse chinlock locked on (pun intended,) and he is YODELING, AGAIN. Just…wow. He’s making it work, for sure. Back up, Antonio ducks down and Kane comes off with a DDT. Kane calls for the CHOKESLAM, Cesaro jumps off, kicks Kane in the gut, and picks him up for the gutwrench suplex, THEN WALKS AROUND WITH KANE IN HIS ARMS! WHAT AN IMPRESSIVE FEAT OF STRENGTH! Antonio lands the suplex and gets a two count. THAT WAS WORTH ANOTHER LOOK. Kane comes back, and catches a charging Cesaro with a tilt-a-whirl slam. Antonio is whipped in, and a BAAAAAAAAAAAACK BODY DROP. Cesaro pushes Kane away, but Kane comes back with a BIG BOOT. Ouch. Kane goes outside, then up top and lands the TOP ROPE CLOTHESLINE. The pace has really picked up here, and it’s helping! Kane AGAIN calls for the chokeslam, but STOP THE PRESSES! Here’s comes AJ Lee, skipping down to ringside. Daniel Bryan blocks her halfway, and starts yelling…what else? NO! NO! NO! Antonio takes advantage, knocks Kane down, climbs up to the second rope and lands a DOUBLE STOMP to the gut. Cover! 1, 2, 2.9999999. Cesaro sets Kane up for the NEUTRALIZER, but Kane backdrops out, Antonio tries a sunset flip, but Kane reaches down and grabs him by the throat, picks him up, and this time, grabs the CHOKESLAM! Scott Armstrong counts, 1, 2, 3!
-Winner: Kane in 10:50. This match plodded along, but picked up nicely at the end. **/5, with the half coming simply from Antonio walking around with Kane in his arms. That was just…wow.
-AJ skips to the top of the ramp, and Team Hell No! stare her down as we see a graphic for the WWE Tag Team Championship Match at WrestleMania, where Team Hell No! faces Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston. That’ll be a lot of pressure on Langston, but HE’S GOT THIS! (So does FAN…DAN…GO for that matter.)
-We then transition to a brief recap of recent happenings in the Del Rio/Swagger feud, then see a graphic for their WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match at ‘Mania.
-UP NEXT! A preview of the No Holds Barred match at ‘Mania between Triple-H and Brock Lesnar.
-WWE is helping out with the Hurricane Sandy relief. And it’s a good thing; they need all the help and prayers we can muster.
-THIS FRIDAY, ON SMACKDOWN! THE ROCK!!! THE ROCK!!! THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WILL HE DO? That’s 8, 7 Central on SyFy. And yes, per the norm, IT’S PAY WINDUHAS! CLUBBERIN’ AND PLUNDERIN’!
-Back to Main Event, and Cole & Miz throw to last Monday night on Raw, where Triple-H came out, cut a promo on Lesnar, and…kicked Wade Barrett in the gonads, because Wade took exception to Hunter hogging TV time! DON’T DISRESPECT THE GAME! Anyway, we see a graphic, and…that’s the preview. Yup.
-The Miz takes this time to transition to his WWE Intercontinental Championship match against the champ, Barrett, at ‘Mania, and we get a graphic for that as well.
-AND…another match happening at WrestleMania, sees Sheamus, The Big Show & Randy Orton against The Shield.
-Matt Striker must LOVE to interview Sheamus, because he’s doing it AGAIN this week. Simple promo where Sheamus admits fault for not trusting Show, hopes they can all co-exist, etc., etc. Short, but effective.
-TIME TO GET FUNKY! Here comes The Funkadactyls are on their way out, and they introduce their back-up, the newly christened TONS OF FUNK. That’s what they’re going by? Well, the name fits. They dance around some, and then we go to break, with the promise of Divas action awaiting us on the flip side.
-DON’T CHANGE THAT CHANNEL! BECAUSE IN CASE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON, WWE MAIN EVENT AIRS ON ION TELEVISION, Wednesday’s at 8, 7 Central. Got it? Ok, good, now…
[Commercial Break, where the same WWE Power Slammers ad from earlier, airs.]
-We’re back, and we’re still getting FUNKY! Hold on though, because Team Rhodes Scholars have something to say about that. After they make some fat jokes, they introduce The Bella Twins, who, as Sandow stated, “will add class back to the Divas division.” How will they do that? They will come out, turn and shake that money maker! Classy! As the Bellas enter, we get a graphic for, I think, an unannounced match for ‘Mania. Well, until now, anyway. It’s going to be Team Rhodes Scholars & The Bella Twins VS Tons of Funk & The Funkadactyls! But that’s then, and in the ring, the Funkadactyls and the Bella’s want at each other pretty bad, the bell rings, here we go!
2. The Funkadactyls VS The Bella Twins
-Cameron and…DANG IT! ENOUGH WITH THE TWINS, WWE! I STILL HAVEN’T GOT THE USO’S DOWN PAT, NOW I GOTTA LEARN THE BELLA’S! Anyway, Cameron hammers away at the Bella, gets whipped into the corner, uses the third rope to jump up and catch the Bella with a headscissors takedown. Back up and a forearm to the Bella, Cameron goes to bounce off the ropes, gets tripped by the illegal Bella, turns around and gets a FLYING DOUBLE CHOP for 1. The Bellas then isolate Cameron, CUTTING THE RING OFF! I love tag team psychology, and love it even more when it comes from the hard-working Divas! (or Knockouts, depending on what show we’re watching.) The Bellas use clotheslines and reverse chinlocks on Cameron, then switch and do it again. TWIN MAGIC, OR REDUDANCY? YOU DECIDE! Finally, Cameron breaks away and tags Naomi. This will definitely speed things up. Naomi in with a FLIPPING CLOTHESLINE, then a dropkick. BUTT TO THE FACE drops the Bella. Wow. That looked painful. Naomi takes down the Bella, gets a 2 count until the illegal Bella breaks that up. Cameron comes in and promptly deposits the illegal Bella outside, and then the legal Bella throws Cameron through the ropes to follow. The Bella turns around, and gets nailed with a RUNNING ENZIGURI. Awesome. Cody Rhodes jumps up to cause shenanigans, which leads to Naomi SLAPPING HIM IN THE FACE! Rhodes jumps down, as shocked as I am. In the blink of an eye, the legal Bella sneaks up, rolls Naomi up in a sloppy school…girl? And gets the 3 count.
Winners: The Bella Twins in 3:58. Slow start, fast end, sloppy finish. Still, Naomi continues to look like she belongs, The Bella’s…are rusty, no doubt, but still looked good. Cameron has improved tremendously. We’ll go */5.
-NEXT! We go back to Raw Monday night, where John Cena & The Rock had a Q&A with WWE Legends.
-C.M. Punk will face The Undertaker at WrestleMania, don’t miss that!
-We’re back, and we go back to the aforementioned Q&A. They clip about the first seven minutes of it, then replay the rest, in its entirety. A strong sell for the match at ‘Mania between Cena & The Rock. That’ll take us home tonight.
FINAL THOUGHTS: The two exclusive matches all started slow, but ended fast. The ‘Mania hype machine was in full force here, but it seemed a little rushed. Overall, this show gets **/5.