March 4, 2005
WWF WrestleMania X-Seven
- This is one introduction to a review I'll have some trouble getting out. WrestleMania X-Seven is without a doubt, my favorite PPV of all time (that includes WCW too), with great build up for everything, and the blowoffs were more than I expected. The undercard, while not too impressive on paper back then, pulled through with everyone putting on their work boots for the show... except for the Womenís Match. In a weird note, the day of WrestleMania, I had a temperature of 103 degrees and was barely able to move around without gasping for air, but WrestleMania still had me marking out like a bitch for four hours despite sweating bullets all day and probably losing 10 pounds in the process.
- We (were) live from the Astrodome in Houston, TX, on April 1st, 2001, with Jim Ross and Paul Heyman (woohoo!) on the call, which is probably the last PBP team that I enjoyed fully, without liking 1 guy and hating the other. Also in a weird twist, this is Heymanís first ever WWF PPV (on PBP at least), and boy can you see improvements in Jim Ross when not saddled with Jerry "The Child Rapist" Lawler. By the way, the official theme song for WrestleMania X-Seven was that Limp Bizkit song... uh.. My Way? Whatever it's called (I can't believe I'm not 100% sure), it had a really... odd video to it. Also, probably the best theme for a WWF PPV to date. Again also... God damn there are a lot of people there (nearly 70,000 people I think).
- WWF-Intercontinental Championship Match:
Chris Jericho (c) vs. William Regal:
This match was set up with Regal abusing his powers as the Commissioner of the WWF, and putting Jericho through hell. In retaliation, Jericho took a piss on Regals tea... yes, Jerichos feuds around this time were based on beverages. First coffee with Kane, now tea with Regal. If he was in WCW, he'd be feuding over Surge. I might note that the entrance is REALLY fucking long, and almost made me want the return of the miniature ring carts that brought everyone out... ALMOST. Regal hammers away on Jericho to start, and whips him to the corner. Jericho comes out though with a clothesline, and takes Regal down with a diving forearm. Irish whip, and Jericho connects with a spinning heel kick. Regal heads outsides, and Jericho with a plancha (that misses) puts Regal down. Back inside, Jericho comes off the top rope with a diving back elbow for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Regal tries a single leg trip, but Jericho counters and tries for the WoJ, but Regal blocks with forearm blows. Regal sends Jericho shoulder-first into the steel post (which was "Injured" on Smackdown) and does it again for insurance. Unique wristlock takeover by Regal, and covers for a two count. Overhead wristlock applied by Regal, but Jericho fights back and reverses, only to get kicked in the face. Jericho however, takes Regal down with an elbow, but meets the knees of Regal on a Lionsault attempt, allowing Regal to school boy him for a two count. Nasty release German suplex by Regal gets another two count. Regal undoes the top turnbuckle and sends Jericho's shoulder into the exposed steel several times. Jericho gets booted in the arm, but fights back with a series of enzuiguris, knocking both men down for a count. Jericho to the second rope, and he connects with a missile dropkick for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Jericho misses a Stinger Splash. Regal goes up top, and takes Jericho down with a double underhook suplex for a two count! Jericho escapes a back suplex attempt, and again goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Regal reverses into the Regal Stretch (modified STF), but Jericho holds on and eventually makes it to the ropes. Jericho fights back with some sick sounding knife-edge chops (damn Regalís chest is red), but runs into a big boot. Irish whip is reversed, and Regal is sent into the exposed buckle! Jericho with a bulldog take down followed by a snap suplex. Jericho off the ropes with the Lionsault for three at 7:07! **1/2 Good match, although I'm pretty surprised that the crowd really wasn't into the match, despite Jerichoís popularity. This was probably the best match you can expect out of Regal, as his style really doesn't mix well in WWE with most of the other people in the roster.
- The APA (Bradshaw & Faarooq) & Tazz (w/ Jacqueline) vs. The Right To Censor (The Goodfather, Bull Buchanon, Val Venis) (w/ Steven Richards):
Tazz's theme music thankfully cuts off Steven Richards before another of his damn boring promos. Heyman is actually against the bad guys, mainly because he doesn't like censors... like anyone is actually surprised. No REAL backstory for this one... everyone hates RTC. Tazz hammers on Venis and clotheslines him out of the ring. Richards comes in and gets a DDT from Jacqueline. The action spills outside some more, until Buchanon and Faarooq start. Bull with a second rope clothesline, but he runs into a powerslam for two as JR calls Bull a "Hoss". Tazz tags in and connects with a T-bone suplex. Irish whip is reversed, and Bull with a nasty big boot. Venis tags in for some hammering away in the corner, and Venis with a series of knees to the midsection, followed by a Russian leg sweep for two. Irish whip, and Tazz is out of it (sometime during the brawl outside, Tazz suffered a concussion), but still has enough in him to run into a back elbow. Goodfather in to punish Tazz, and he connects with a back suplex for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and the Goodfather connects with the Move Formerly Known as the Ho Train. Goodfather to the second rope, but he misses a splash. Bradshaw tags in with a big boot to the face, followed by a back elbow. Irish whip and Bradshaw with a fucked up back drop. Big boot to Buchanon, and Venis tags in for the last call (fall away slam). Faarooq comes in and they double spinebuster Venis into China. Buchanon comes in to pound on Faarooq as Bradshaw comes off the top rope with a back suplex on Venis. Buchanon and Goodfather with a double team powerbomb to Bradshaw, and this is like a match out of No Mercy for N64. Goodfather misses TMFKA The Ho Train, and Bradshaw kills him dead with the Clothesline From Hell for the victory at 3:53. *1/2 Actually a surprisingly fun brawl match, which again, is the best you could expect, since the RTC really sucked and were just plain boring in their run. Of course, the only wrestler with any significant talent in the bunch was Val Venis, but he's not that good.
- WWF-Hardcore Championship Match:
Raven (c) vs. Kane vs. The Big Show:
This is going to be a fun match to cover. No real backstory for this match either, although Show and Raven had been fighting for the Hardcore Title at the times, but decided to add in Kane since he had nothing better to do. I wonder if Raven ever used that Frankenstein doll as an actual weapon. Raven attacks with a sign, but gets thrown into the corner and hammered on as Big Show finally makes his entrance. No wonder he was called the Big Slow around this time. Kane with a press slam of Raven onto the Big Show outside the ring, and then comes off the top rope to the outside with a flying clothesline to Show, allowing Raven to cover for two. The action spills in the crowd, and the camera man loses them until they get to an exit. Backstage they go, with Raven bashing Kane with a road sign several times. Kane slams Raven into the wall, breaking it a bit in the process. Big Show with a slam on Kane, dropping him across some wooden crates. Raven gets thrown somewhere, and the Show locks the chain link fence, to keep Kane out, but Kane rips it open anyway and smashes a broom across Big Show. Kane with a 2x4 across the back of Show, then Raven chokes Kane with a lawn hose, but Kane powers out and bashes Raven through the fence. Kane chokes Raven with the hose and throws him through a glass window! Big Show slams Kane into a door, and tackles him through it! Big Show makes big noises, but Kane chokes him, and the two take each other through a wall! (the walls are obviously fake though) Raven comes out of nowhere and slams a crappy table on the Big Show. Raven then performs Grand Theft Auto, but Big Show hitches a ride and they crash. Kane now steals a cart, with the referee with him, and RUNS OVER RAVENS LEG (almost) in the funniest moment of the match... and maybe the night. The threesome brawl randomly, although Raven avoids most of it, and I notice he's got several cuts on his arms from the window spot. Show slams Raven onto a table filled with snapple, but Kane comes from behind with some clubbering, and slams Show into a salad. Raven gets slammed into a sign with unreadable notes, and they come out of the entrance again. Show with a headbutt to Raven, and Kane hammers away on Show like he owes him money. Show with a short-arm clothesline, and he press Raven above his head, but Kane sits up and boots both men off the stage through a tank like area! Kane with an elbow drop off the stage, and he covers Big Show for the Hardcore Title at 9:19. *** Yes, it was nothing but a garbage brawl, but God damn, was this match entertaining. I'm surprised they made the title seem important here, having two potential main eventers fighting over it at WrestleMania.
- WWF-European Championship Match:
Test (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero (w/ Perry Saturn):
Blech... I hate Test, and it's going to take a miracle to get something out of Tests worthless ass. I must note the... awful looking hat Saturn is wearing, and the whacky mustache. Test hammers away on Guerrero to start, and takes him down with a back drop. Powerbomb by Test gets a two count. The two brawl outside the ring, but Eddie realizes this isn't Hardcore, and goes back inside. Test gets rammed into the buckle, and Guerrero pounds away in the corner. Irish whip is reversed, and Test with a gorilla press slam into the turnbuckle, followed by a clothesline for a two count. Irish whip, and Test connects with a back elbow, followed by a slam. Test goes to the top rope, but Guerrero catches him, but can't take him down with a hurricanrana. Test off the top rope with a back elbow gets another two count. Test misses something, and gets his foot caught in the ropes, allowing Saturn some cheap shots. In a horrible moment, you can hear Eddie ask Test if he's OK, then trips going out of the ring. Guerrero has to stall for time, but Test is STILL stuck in the ropes. Saturn now has to come over, and the crowd actually pops when they finally get his shitty ass untied. Guerrero works over the leg of Test outside the ring, and I'm still laughing at that mishap. Guerrero screams something in Spanish, then goes back to work on the left knee of Test. Second rope sit down splash across the knee of Test, and Guerrero hammers away. Irish whip, and Guerrero applies a sleeper hold. Guerrero continues the beating, but gets caught with a tilt-o-whirl slam off of an Irish whip. Irish whip is reversed, and Test blocks a hurricanrana with a sit out powerbomb for a two count! Irish whip to the corner, but Test runs into the elbow of Guerrero. Guerrero misses a punch, but low blows his way out of a full nelson slam. Saturn runs in (in clear view of the referee), and plants Test with the Moss-Covered-Three-Handle-Family-Gradunza... for a two count. Snap suplex by Guerrero, and he goes up top... but misses a senton-like splash. Test hammers away and connects with a powerslam for a two count. Test calls for the boot, but Saturn comes in to take the bullet... and Guerrero eats one too! Saturn runs out to break the count, allowing Guerrero to nail Test with the European Title, and covering for the three count at 8:29 to become the European Champion. **3/4 Man, this is getting tired... the best match you could really expect out of Test... ever, but it was a bit too short of a miracle from Guerrero, thanks to the fucking ropes situation.
- Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle:
The backstory for this match you want to know? Kurt Angle says he didn't have a match for WrestleMania, and neither did Benoit... seriously, THAT was the entire build for the match. This might've been the first ever 1-on-1 match between these two, but don't quote me on that. Lockup, and Angle with a single leg takedown, which results in a series of exchanges from headlocks to hammerlocks until both men go to the stand off position to a pop. Lockup, and Angle with another takedown, and Benoit applies a body scissors. Benoit continues slipping out of Angles grip, and both men back to their feet again. Lockup into the corner, and we get a reluctant clean break. Lockup, and Angle with anm overhead takedown, and applies a front facelock. Benoit escapes, but Angle goes for the ankle and we get a weird pinning attempt for a WWF match. Angle with a single leg trip, and Benoit bars the arm. Benoit tries for the crossface, but Angle makes it to the ropes. Angle goes for the leg again, but again gets caught in a crossface attempt, but now his feet are in the ropes, allowing him to take a breather outside of the ring. Benoit again counters a takedown in the ring with a crossface, and Angle makes the ropes again. Angle with a sucker punch, and he tosses Benoit out of the ring. Benoit is sent face first into the Spanish announce table and gets whipped hard into the steel steps. Back inside the ring we go, and Angle stomps away at the kidney area of Benoit. Angle with a snap suplex into a cover for a two count. Back suplex by Angle gets another two count. Angle hammers away on Benoit in the corner, and stomps a mudhole in his belly button. Benoit fights back with nasty sounding chops, but gets caught with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex from Angle. Irish whip and Angle with another belly-to-belly suplex. Irish whip is reversed and Benoit takes Angle down with a short-arm clothesline. Angle hammers away on Benoit some more in the corner, so Benoit retaliates with some chops. Angle does his own chops which are pretty bad looking. Benoit counters an Irish whip with a knee into the midsection. Benoit with a series of rights, followed by a charging back elbow for a two count. Snap suplex by Benoit, and he covers again for a count of two. Benoit sets Angle up on the top turnbuckle, and takes him down with a super-plex, and slowly makes the cover for another two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Benoit with the Rolling German suplexes! Angle blocks a third with a drop toe hold and goes for the Ankle Lock, but Benoit counters and applies the Ankle Lock to Angle! Angle fights out, but gets caught in the Crossface in the middle of the ring, but counters into a pinning combination, then turns it into his own version of the crossface! Benoit gets his boot onto the bottom rope, and now we get a referee bump. Benoit dodges a suplex and takes Angle down with the crossface, bnut the tap out doesn't count because the damn referee doesn't see it. Angle with an Angle-Slam (when did they stop calling it the Olympic Slam?) from behind, and that gets a two count! Scoop slam by Angle, and he goes up to the top rope... and meets the knees of Benoit on a moonsault attempt! Benoit calls for it, and goes to the top rope himself and connects with the diving headbutt! That only gets a two count, though. Angle blocks a German suplex with a low blow, but Benoit takes him down with an armbar, but Angle rolls him up and grabs a handful of tights to get a cheap ass three count at 14:03. **** I was thinking about lowering the rating seeing as how cheap the finish was (and the fact Angle did the same exact spot the next year), but the match was too good to warrant rating any lower. Almost makes me sad that I couldn't just enjoy the match without typing up about it. However, backstage, Benoit attacks Angle during an Interview, and applies the crossface until officials drag him off and out of sight of the camera.
- WWF-Womenís Championship Match:
Ivory (c) vs. Chyna:
I fucking hate this match and the entire feud. This is a slap in the face of everyone, by faking a serious neck injury, especially when only 16 months earlier, a wrestler was paralyzed from the neck down thanks to botched move in the WWF. For those who don't know, that was Darren Drozdov, who landed badly on his neck in a running powerbomb from D-Lo Brown. If I'm not mistaken, during the "Don't Try This At Home" video, it's Droz that is being taken out of the ring on a stretcher. Chyna is fucking ugly, and recently, we all found out she has a mini-penis buried in her crotch. Ivory with a belt shot before the bell, followed by some stomping and weak shitty punches. Chyna no sells everything, and beats on Ivory for a while in the corner. Shit happens, I don't care, blah blah blah, and Chyna wins easily with a powerbomb and press slam to become the second man to be the Womens champion at 2:36. DUD Must I explain why, really? Now it's time for the big matches...
- Street Fight (Special Referee: Mick Foley):
Shane McMahon vs. Vince McMahon (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley):
A long time ago, in a federation far far away, the McMahons weren't COMPLETELY annoying. Also, this would lead to the entire WWF vs. WCW/ECW (a.k.a The Alliance) angle, which WWF somehow fucked up to the point it pissed everyone off. Shane is still using the No Chance in Hell theme that Vince still uses. Also, some WCW scrubs are seated... really far away, and noticeable from my vision are Chavo Guerrero, Hugh Morrus, Stacy Keibler, Kanyon, Lance Storm, Shawn Stasiak, and others. Vince with a bitch slap, followed a series of rights and lefts, and choking in the corner. Vince stomps a little mud hole in Shane and continues the bitching up. Shane fights back with rights and connects with a diving clothesline. Shane with a tackle, and he hammers away on Vince. Shane with a series of elbow drops and in comes Stephanie to slap Shane in the face. Shane with a baseball slide on Vince and he continues the beating in the entrance area. Shane blasts Vince with some kind of sign and beats Vince over the back with it as I try to see what it says, but I fail again. Shane chokes out Vince with some wires, and rams him into the steel steps. Shane climbs onto the security wall, and comes off with a clothesline. Vince gets thrown into the wall now, and Shane goes under the ring to get himself a Singapore cane, beating Vince across the back with it. Shane buries a blow into Vinceís midsection before finally getting rid of it. Shane with his dumbass dancing around and jabs, knocking Vince on his ass again. Shane takes the Spanish table apart and smashes Vince over the head with one of the monitors. Shane goes up to the top rope... and misses the elbow drop, crashing through the table! Holy S-H-I-T! Coming out now is Trish, with Linda in tow via a wheel chair. (cues over booking music) Trish turns face though, by slapping the taste out of Vince's mouth, which turns into a catfight between Trish and Stephanie, to the delight of all the men in the crowd. Thankfully Stephanie bitch slapped that stupid cowboy hat, though. Foley breaks up the brawl once Stephanie takes over, so gets slapped in the face for his troubles. This leads to more fighting between the women, and Stephanie taking one of the absolute worst fake trips in the aisle I have ever seen. Back to ringside, and Vince can be seen mouthing "bitch" at Linda. Foley gets in Vince's face, so he gets a chair shot to the back of the head for his troubles. Vince puts Linda in the ring now, propping her up in the corner on a chair. Shane gets tossed back in the ring, and Vince throws in four garbage cans for more pain to be brought. Shane gets clobbered over the head with garbage can number one, and Vince mouths off to Linda. Shane takes some more shots, and Vince throws the second out. Vince goes for the third, and Linda no sells her medication, and kicks Vince right in the grapefruits, which actually gets the biggest pop of the night. Foley is back up, and he beats the crap out of Vince, pummeling him to the ground in the corner, and connecting with a running knee right to the face. Shane props a steel can up against Vince and... goes to the opposite top rope... VAN TERMINATOR!!! (creams pants in marking out) Vince is legally dead, and Shane covers to end this thing at 14:11. ***1/4 Seriously over-booked match, with maybe four minutes being just Vince and Shane, but dammit, was that entertaining, and it really all made sense in the long run after thinking it through. This was the first time I ever saw RVD's Van Terminator, and dammit, I marked the fuck out.
- WWF-Tag Team Champion; TLC 2 Match: (Tables, Ladders, and Chairs)
The Dudley Boyz (c) vs. The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian:
No real story here... just a match to put on with the three tag teams in the WWF to steal the show. The first TLC Match was incredible at Summerslam 2000, but how can they top that one again? This time, the Dudley Boyz are the Tag Champions, and this is the first, last, and only time the tag Titles have been defended at WrestleMania two years in a row, in a Ladder Match, with the same three teams, with the same champions, and eventually, the same result. Everyone goes after Edge and Christian to start, and the Dudleyz take down Christian with a flap jack. The Dudleys brawl with the Hardys now, and we get poetry in motion on both Dudleys in the corner. Matt with a charging clothesline, but Edge and Christian kill everyone with a ladder. Christian hammers away on Matt as Edge comes in with a chair. E&C with the nutcracker on Matt in the corner, then drop toe hold Jeff onto the steel chair. Bubba drags Christian out of the ring for some double teaming as Edge sets up a ladder to climb. Matt prevents the climbing and tries climbing now, but Edge with a clothesline after jumping off a chair takes Matt down. Edge starts climbing again, but Jeff knocks him off with poetry in motion. Double baseball slide knocks a ladder into the Dudleys faces, and Christian gets caught climbing the ladder by Matt. Scoop slam by Matt, and the Hardys come off two ladders with a simultaneous leg drop and splash to Christian. The Dudleys come in to clear out the Hardys, and Edge gets WAZZUP'ed. It's time to get the tables! D'von sets a table up in the corner as Edge is placed across another. Bubba catches Jeff in a hurricanrana attempt, and powerbombs him through Edge on the table!! Bubba gets rid of some ladders and chairs to set up the double wide double layers of tables outside the ring, and that means one thing: trouble. Matt nails Bubba with a ladder, and tosses Christian out of the ring. All three ladders are set up side by side, and all six men start climbing up at once! Christian and Matt Hardy go down, with Christian going all the way out to the floor, D'Von and Jeff get shoved onto the ropes, and Edge and Bubba knock each other off backwards!! Replay shows Christian taking a fucking psycho fall from the ladder to the floor, incase we missed it the first time. Speaking of Christian, he sets up a table outside the ring. Out comes Spike Dudley now, and he nails the Dudley-Dog off the ladder! Dudley Dog on Christian goes through the table on the outside!! Jeff now sets up a ladder, and here comes Rhyno! He knocks Jeff off the ladder, and GORE's Matt Hardy through the table in the corner! Now Edge again tries climbing the ladder, but Lita (who is probably more man than Spike) runs in now and takes out Edge. All three run-in-ers go at it, and Lita with a hurricanrana on Rhyno. Spike chairs Rhyno in the face, and he knocks over the ladder, crotching Edge on the top rope! Dudleyville Device on Rhyno connects, and Lita comes in and kills Spike with a chair shot. However, the Dudleys don't like that and 3-D her into China. Edge comes in and chairs D'Von, then Christian gives Bubba the Van Daminator with two chairs! Jeff is hammering away on Rhyno outside the ring as Edge set ups a ladder in the corner. Jeff Hardy sets up a giant-ass ladder outside the ring, and nails the senton bomb through Rhyno AND Spike Dudley through two tables!! Spike has been killed for the third time in the match by now. In the meantime, Edge has set up FOUR ladders in the ring, including the giant ladder. Christian and D'Von go climbing up for the belts, but they get caught up and are hanging from the cables holding the titles! Both men eventually take the bump off as Jeff climbs another ladder. Jeff walks across the ladders, but sadly falls off on the third one. Jeff climbs up, but also gets caught with a ladder, and Edge comes off the giant ladder in the corner with a midair spear!!! God fucking dammit that was awesome! Jeff Hardy now joins Spike in the morgue after that spot. Bubba and Matt go for the ladders, but Rhyno pushes them over and they crash through the four tables outside the ring!!!! Matt Hardy apparently cut himself up on that, as he's leaving small puddles of blood on the broken pieces of table beneath him. D'Von tries for the belts, but Edge holds him back as Rhyno helps Christian up the ladder, and he takes possession of the belts to win the Tag Team Titles for the... whatever-ith time at 15:43! ***** I don't care what anyone says, that was a fucking awesome spot fest, and shouldn't be rated any other way on the rating scale. I'm amazed all 8 men got out of this match without any kind of injuries (at least anything serious). This would be the last "Great" TLC Match, as the last few attempts have been either disappointing or flat out crap.
- 19-Man Gimmick Battle Royale:
(Participants: Bushwhacker Butch, Bushwhacker Luke, Duke "The Dumpster" Drose, The Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink The Clown, Kamala, Kimchee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael P.S. Hayes, One Man Gang, The Gobbledy Gooker, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter)
In one nice surprise, Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund make their one-night returns to the WWF to do guest commentary for the Battle Royale. Also, we get the announcement of WrestleMania X-Seven drawing 67,925 people to the Houston Astrodome. First, the substitutions and stuff for this match. Gillberg and Corporal Kirchner were both originally announced for the match, George Gray was suppose to be Akeem but lost too much weight to fit in the outfit, and Fred Ottman was to be Typhoon but they changed him to Tugboat for some unknown reason. This could be considered the WWF version of "Heroes of Wrestling" with it lasting all of 5 minutes... well, that would've been the length if I ran the show too. Drose is completely bald, looking like Val Venis actually, and wearing what looks like Boss Man SWAT TEAM outfit. The Sheik uses the Sultans theme (and any other arab) and has a massive gut on him, and he literally takes forever to get to the ring. Heenan says by the time he gets to the ring, it will be time for WrestleMania XXXVIII. Earthquake looks to be in good condition, and has the shark tattoo of course. Doink gets the best reaction of the bunch so far... I wonder who played him here. Kamala has Harvey Wippleman with him... I guess he turned heel for this match? Repo Mans theme music still rules, and he too looks a bit out of shape and has a bald head. Heenan says about 40 years ago everyone has had Gene Okerlundís mother in law. Cornette is a gimmick.... I guess so. Volkoff uses Ludvig Borgaís "Finnish" theme, making him a mix of everything now. Michael Hayes uses the "Badstreet USA" theme song for his entrance. Gang has a balding mohawk, and has modernized his "Gang" ring attire. The Gooker outfit looks NOTHING like the original (they must've burned it), and we even get footage from Survivor Series 1990 where Okerlund and the Gooker did some crazy dancing. Tugboat still has gas, and has a hobo beard for the match... and he's still fat. Hillbilly Jim looks good, and I think Heenan actually dropped the name "Uncle Elmer". Brother Love (Bruce Prichard) gives us an "I Love You" for old times sake for his entrance. Sgt. Slaughter is the last entrant (the whole thing took about 5-6 minutes) and gets a good reaction as well.
Michael Hayes eliminates the Repo Man the moment the bell rings at 0:03 to piss me off, and to break a record that Shawn Stasiak would also break later in 2001 at the Survivor Series. Tugboat and the Gooker go at it as Hayes brawls with the Gang. Tugboat eliminates the Gooker at 0:21, and Earthquake dumps Tugboat soon after at 0:29. Kamala dumps out Earthquake (rather weakly) at 0:51. Kimchee is eliminated at 1:19 by Kamala as well. Bushwhacker Luke is eliminated by JIM CORNETTE at 1:31 and Cornette follows shortly after at 1:38. Doink eliminates Duke Drose at 1:43. The Goon goes out thanks to Bushwhacker Butch at 2:06, and Sgt. Slaughter back drops Nikolai Volkoff out soon after at 2:09. Doink eliminates Butch next, who takes the pussiest elimination ever at 2:19. Kamala eliminates Doink at 2:27 to big boos. Michael Hayes is dumped by Gang at 2:31, and Gang is eliminated by Kamala at 2:39, as Heenan calls Doink "The Evil Clown". Slaughter dumps out Kamala at 2:47. Slaughter and Love both go out thanks to Hillbilly at 2:59, and the Sheik wins it (Heenan's prediction) by tossing out Hillbilly Jim at 3:04. Slaughter, the big loser, attacks the Sheik afterwards and knocks him out of it with the Cobra Clutch to get some cheers. NR, but the match was fun for Nostalgia purposes.
- The Undertaker vs. Triple H:
Fuck... I need a new copy of this show now, because the next 8 minutes of the tape is completely unwatchable. Hell, the tape doesn't stop skipping until sometime later in the match (pre-referee bump). For those who need to be caught up, Triple H made his entrance to a live version of the Game by Motorhead (a horrible version that was completely off speed too), and The Undertaker road his motorcycle to the ring at like 50 miles per hour, with some nice speeding noises. The match had lots of brawling to start, and the Undertaker put Triple H through a second copy of the Spanish announce table (REMEMBER THE ALAMO!) which is basically a shitty table from the TLC Match. From where I come in, Hunter is hammering away on Undertaker outside the ring. Back inside, and Triple H with a running neck breaker for a series of two counts. Hunter argues with Mike Chioda, allowing Undertaker to get back to his feet and hammer away at the midsection of Triple H. Irish whip, but Hunter catches 'Taker with his head down with a knee to the face. Triple H goes to the outside and dumps the time keeper into the crowd to retrieve the sledgehammer... which is placed on his crotch. Sledgehammer shot is blocked, and Undertaker slingshots Hunter into the referee when blocking the pedigree attempt. This would pretty much knock out the referee for ten minutes. Undertaker with a chokeslam to Triple H, but the referee is... NOT DOWN for a two count? I guess it was the wrong referee bump. Undertaker kicks Chioda in the head and drops an elbow to REALLY knock him out now, and he hammers away on Hunter. Hunter does the Harley Race bump out of the ring, and rams his head into the security wall. Undertaker is sent into the steel steps, but Hunter gets back dropped into the crowd on a charge attempt. They brawl (well... mainly Undertaker is) through the crowd until they get to a platform area with a bunch of electrical equipment. Undertaker beats the piss out of Helmsley against some steal pipe walls, and then he tosses him off into another section of the area. HHH catches Undertaker with a chair to the midsection, and a home run across the back. Undertaker takes another big shot to the face now, and Hunter hammers away at his legs with the chair. The chair is pretty much bent in half after that beating. Undertaker chokes Hunter down, and chokeslams him off the set and to the... concrete!? We see Hunter landed on another section of the set, and the replay sadly shows he was chokeslammed onto what looks like a mattress. Undertaker comes off with an elbow drop, but the thing lost it's impact now. Undertaker continues making Triple H his bitch, and they finally start making their way to the ring, where the referee is STILL out of it... what a referee bump this has been. Triple H gets thrown over the security wall back to the ring area, and back into the ring they FINALLY go. Undertaker goes for the sledgehammer laying in the corner FOR REVENGE~! Undertaker calls for the attack, but gets kicked right in Mr. Happy to turn the tide in favor of Triple H. Hunter takes possession of the sledgehammer now, but runs into a big boot from the Undertaker. They exchange blows while the referee is STILL knocked out. Undertaker takes the advantage, but gets a boot to the midsection. Irish whip is reversed, and Triple H goes for a slam, but Undertaker reverses and connects with the Tombstone piledriver! Too bad the referee has been out for nearly ten minutes now. Undertaker starts reviving the referee now (took him that long after a fucking elbow drop?) and calls for the end. Undertaker goes for the Last Ride, but Hunter has the sledgehammer and hits him in the face in midair to knock the Undertaker out. The referee goes for the count... but the Undertaker kicks out at two! Helmsley hammers away at the busted open Undertaker, and mounts him in the corner with rights. Undertaker no sells though, and plants Hunter with the Last Ride powerbomb, which is enough to pick up the victory at around the 18:00 mark (my tape has 15:00 of it). *** This is really getting boring to say, but this was probably the Undertakers best match in the WWF since returning in 2000 as the American Badass. I'm amazed Triple H did the job here though, but my rumor scouting shows he was supposed to win with the help of a returning Shawn Michaels, but thankfully, that wasn't to be and the Undertaker wins. Only one match left on the show...
- WWF-World Championship; No Disqualification Match:
The Rock (c) vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin:
... and this is it. It is now time for the MAIN EVENT for WrestleMania X-Seven. Austin, of course won the Rumble Match to become the #1 Contender, but the Rock didn't win the World Title until No Way Out, when he defeated Kurt Angle. From there, to cheese off Austin, McMahon made Austinís wife Debra the manager of The Rock. When she got in trouble, Austin blamed The Rock, and beat him down. For several weeks, both men took the other out with their signature stuff, until the week of the show when they just beat the hell out of each other around the arena. Austin hammers away on the Rock before the bell, beating him down in the corner. Rocky ducks a belt shot and hammers away himself. Irish whip and Austin with the Lou Thesz Press and F.U. Elbow drop! Irish whip, and Rocky catches Austin with a swinging neck breaker. Rock Bottom is blocked with an elbow, and Rock blocks the Stunner. Austin blocks a Rocky Stunner, and dumps the Rock over the top rope to the floor. Austin hammers away on the Rock outside the ring, and sends him into the crowd. Rocky plants Austin in a seat and beats him down, then tosses him back into the ring area. Rock sends Austin face first into the announcers table several times, but runs into a short-arm clothesline from Austin. He rakes Rocky's eyes across his knee brace, and the action goes back into the ring, where we get some stomping. Austin chokes the Rock across the middle rope, and connects with a sit down splash across the back for a two count. Austin sets the Rock up on the top turnbuckle, and connects with a superplex for another two count. Austin undoes one of the top turnbuckles and kicks the Rock in the face. Rocky comes back with a series of rights, and connects with a diving clothesline! Irish whip and Rocky with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex for a two count! Rocky with a clothesline sends Austin out of the ring via the top rope, and soon follows after him. Back to the announcers table goes Austinís face, and he kisses the time keepers table hello. Rock and Hebner both trip over the steel steps, and Austin knocks Rock's face into the 8th row with the ring bell! The timekeeper takes more abuse, and Austin has words with Hebner. The Rock is busted open, and gets rammed into anything in the view of the Rattlesnake. Rocky climbs onto the announce table and it collapses underneath him... dammit. Austin continues beating on the Rock, and they go back into the ring again. Austin with a big roundhouse right, and continues knocking the Rock around the ring like a ping-pong ball. Austin with mounted punches and some choking. Rocky blocks being sent into the exposed buckle, and pounds on Austin with rights. Irish whip, and Austin catches Rock with a swinging neck breaker for a two count!
More mounted punches by Stone Cold, busting open the Rock even more. Austin with some mudhole stomping in the corner, and the referee gets ni his face about it. Austin ignores it though, and goes back to work on the Champion. Austin chokes down Rock in the corner, and drives his knee into the face in the corner. The Rock gets back up to his feet and nails a charging clothesline from out of the corner! Rock with another clothesline, but Austin drives a knee to the midsection. Rock blocks a right with rights of his own, and rams Austin face first into the exposed turnbuckle! Rocky goes to the outside, and gets the ring bell for some payback! Rock with the ring bell, and he knocks Austinís head into the 23rd row, and heís busted open... in the meantime, the Rock covers for a two count! Austin crawls to his feet, and gets greeted with about hundred roundhouse rights from the Rock. He drags Austin under the bottom rope, and connects with several elbows across the chest and neck of him. Austin blocks being rammed into the security wall, and hammers at the Rocks midsection. Austin with some roundhouse rights, and he drops the Rock face first across the security wall. Slingshot by Stone Cold sends the Rock into the steel post outside the ring! Austin continues beating on the Rock, and smashes him across the face with one of the broken monitors. Austin tosses the Rock back into the ring, and makes the cover for a two count! Austin trash talks the Rock as they get to their feet, but Rocky blocks a Stunner and applies the Sharpshooter! Ring the fucking bell Hebner! Both men have blood pouring down their faces as Austin fights his way to the ropes as the Rock actually has the move on correct for once. Rocky drags Austin from the ropes into the center of the ring, but Austin is able to make it to the ropes again! Rock tries for it again, but Austin rakes the eyes to escape the hold, and takes him down with a double leg trip, and applies his own sharpshooter! Rock has blood all over the place, but is able to power his way free of the hold! Austin drives the knee of the Rock into the canvas, and stomps at the midsection. Austin tries for the sharpshooter again, but Rocky is too close to the ropes to keep the hold applied. However, the move shouldn't have to be broken, because it's No DQ!
Austin measures up the Rock, and applies the Million Dollar Dream! Talk about digging down deep into your arsenal of moves. Rock slowly goes down to the canvas, but the arm stays up on the third fall, and walks the turnbuckle to reverse into a pin, but Austin kicks out at 2.99999 this time! He at least learned from his mistake at the 1996 Survivor Series. Austin slowly hammers on the Rock, but gets caught with the Rocky Stunner!!! Rocky slowly crawls over the cover... and it only gets a two count! Vince McMahon makes his way out to the ring... (curses the WWF). Both men get back to their feet, exchanging roundhouse rights. Austin catches Rock off the ropes with a spinebuster, and quickly covers for a two count! Irish whip is reversed, and Rock with his own spinebuster! Rock calls for the peoples elbow and connects for a two count... as Vince McMahon pulls him off of Austin!?! Rock goes after McMahon, but runs into the ring and gets caught with the Stone Cold Bottom for another two count!! Austin tries the Stunner, but Rocky shoves him off, and Hebner gets taken out in the process. Austin with a big low blow, and both men are down once again! Austin calls to McMahon to bring him a steel chair. Vince winds up and blasts the Rock with the steel chair... for a two count!! Hebner was put back in the ring by McMahon, by the way. Austin screams... foul language and grabs the chair again, but Rocky with the Rock Bottom!! He crawls to the ropes, and throws McMahon into the ring, and hammers away at him in the corner. Austin is back up and nails the Stunner for... A TWO COUNT AGAIN!!! Rocky kicked out of the Stunner as Austin has a look of shock on his face! Austin grabs the chair from McMahon, and makes it part of the Rocks skull, and covers for ANOTHER TWO COUNT! Austin with the chair once again, and he pummels on the Rock with the chair a total of 17 or 18 times, and that is finally good enough to get the three count at 28:06! ***** I would've deducted some points for the seriously over-done finish, but it all makes sense when you think it over. Just as perfect of a match as you could expect in the 2001 WWF, and everything came off without a problem. However, the Austin heel turn really sucked, as the crowd really refused to boo him, and eventually the turn got a mercy killing at the end of 2001. After the match, Austin and McMahon shake hands and drink beers together after they put the nail in the coffin with a belt shot to the Rock, who has finally gotten back ot his feet.
Final Thoughts: Well, my opinion really hasn't changed for this match. An unprecedented 2 five-star matches in one show, 4 other matches over three stars, and only 2 matches below two-stars. From top to bottom, the show had everything. A great wrestling match, an awesome brawl, an awesome spot fest, a very good heavily-booked match, a fun nostalgic match, and all around fun for nearly four hours. Easily the Highest Fucking Recommendation Of All Time! With that, I'll watch the video to end the show with highlights from the show to the song of the PPV.