December 18, 2010
The Powerdriver Review
WCW Monday Nitro
March 10, 1997
Panama City, FL
The current WCW champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: Hollywood Hogan (8/10/1996)
WCW U.S. Champion: Eddie Guerrero (12/29/1996)
WCW World Tag Team Champions: The Outsiders (10/27/1996)
WCW World Television Champion: Prince Iaukea (2/17/1997)
WCW Cruiserweight Champion: Syxx (2/23/1997)
WCW Women’s Champion: Akira Hokuto (12/29/1996)
Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman are shown crowding around a poster of the upcoming Jean-Claude Van Damme flick that Rodman co-stars in called Double Team, which won a handful of Golden Raspberry awards and a box office failure even by 1997 terms.
HOUR NUMBER ONE! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko.
We see Roddy Piper and his misfit team arrive in a limo. They are all wearing kilts! What a sign of unity! To be seen on national TV in a skirt, that takes balls.
This is the first of THREE spring break Nitros to emanate from the largest nightclub in the US: Club LaVela – where the ring is floating over a giant pool! Surely no one is going to get thrown into that pool! Ever!
Jeff Jarrett & Steve McMichael (w/Debra) vs. High Voltage
Another warmup match for Mongo and Jarrett as they head into UnCeNSoReD to take on Public Enemy – or DO they? Can these two get it right this week? On a side note, I wonder when Debra realized that teasing her puppies every week was the only way for her to get noticed. Mongo has fun running High Voltage over. Kaos takes the drop toe hold-leg drop combo. He misses a corner charge, but Rage is there to stop Jarrett with a clothesline to make him *your* face in peril. Nice slingshot splash by Kaos gets two. Rage ups the violence with a springboard splash, but hits knees. Jarrett is his own hot tag as he makes his comeback over High Voltage. Mongo comes in and puts Rage away with the TOMBSTONE. (4:45) Crowd was all about Mongo. ¾*
Gene Okerlund meets Roddy Piper and Company in the ring. Since last week, Piper has just been getting HAMMERED by the critics. He fires back at Howard Stern saying he’s hung like a pimple. Piper reminds Dennis Rodman that he’s wearing a kilt and not a dress, so don’t try pinching his buns. He calls out the WWF for saying they don’t have ‘no one-hip wrestlers’ on their PPVs. Well, the reason everyone is watching WCW pay per views and not the WWF pay per views is because they have ‘no-one hip wrestlers.’ HA! The WWF are liars for making that comment because last year when he was beating the dog crap out of Goldust, he only had one hip even back then. Okay, let’s not make TOO much light of this fact, Roddy. Piper assures his team that he’s going to stick by them no matter what the critics are saying. Ric Flair’s music plays and out come the Four Horsemen excluding Chris Benoit and Woman. Arn Anderson lays out the game plan for Roddy Piper. He says that the nWo have done some bad stuff to the Four Horsemen in the past and they still want revenge. This fight requires experience which his team has none (uhh, John Tenta?), so AA offers the Four Horsemen to join Roddy Piper in the fight against the nWo at UnCeNSoReD. Piper wants to stick with his team, but this calls for the NATCHA BOY on the mic. He says Piper can’t do this alone anymore. The nWo will stack the deck against him for sure. With the Four Horsemen by his side, he’s got Arn Anderson – the baddest of them all. He’s got Steve McMichael who will turn Dennis Rodman into a basketball. Okay, well AA is injured for good and can’t get in the ring. Ric Flair is basically in the same boat there. Mongo doesn’t exactly back up what you say about experience either. Flair isn’t asking, he WANTS Roddy Piper to walk the aisle with the Four Horsemen at UnCeNSoReD. Off comes Flair’s sports coat, Roddy Piper puts it on. Since the coat fits, apparently so does Roddy Piper and the Four Horsemen as a team at UnCeNSoReD. Not exactly sound decision-making, but alright then. Piper’s ‘family’ who he just completely betrayed and set aside wishes them all the best, but they have no choice in the matter but to step aside. Any idea how drunk Ric Flair is right now?
WCW World Television Champion Prince Iaukea vs. Squire David Taylor
Dave Taylor is here to teach Prince Iaukea a wrestling lesson for embarrassing his good friend Lord Steven Regal and took his TV title several weeks ago. In the back, the new World order arrive in the WCW Monday Nitro stretch hummer just like last week. No Eric Bischoff though. As they start walking around, we see that Michael Wallstreet is face down on the concrete! Bad news bears! Back in the ring, Iaukea falls on top of Taylor when he tries a slam for the win. (2:48) Pretty awful finish as Iaukea didn’t kick when he was picked up for the slam or anything. It’s pretty clear that Iaukea is greener than Maivia at this point. ¼*
WCW U.S. Heavyweight Champion Eddie Guerrero vs. Jim Powers (w/Teddy Long)
JIM POWERS ALERT! Dean Malenko joins Tony and Larry Z on commentary to tell us the real truth about Eddie Guerrero. Malenko says that both he and Eddie have tried to build the cruiserweight division in the US. He thinks Eddie is jealous of the fact that he’s been the Cruiserweight champion and Eddie has not. That makes the Cruiserweight title sound great, but a comment like that shows just how EXTREMELY diminished the US title has become since the Steamboat-Austin title change in August of 1994. Ever since then, they have had no idea what they were doing with it. Oh yes, the match. After Powers gets done throwing Eddie around, he hits the Hilo and covers Powers with his feet under the ropes. That brings Teddy Long up to complain. Eddie yanks Powers into Teddy Long and rolls him up for the 1-2-3. (2:52) And the Eddie heel turn continues. Although I think Malenko’s commentary make them both sound like heels to me. ½*
Gene Okerlund gets a word with Eddie Guerrero concerning what just happened. Guerrero deems everyone’s judgment of him unfair considering Dean Malenko is the one blatantly choking people. ITS NOT EDDIE’S FAULT!
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sgt. Craig Pittman (w/Teddy Long)
DDP right now is over like gang busters. As usual with these matches as of late, Pittman tries to avoid getting BANGED. The DIAMOND CUTTER is inevitable though. (4:20) Yep, that’s about right. ½*
Gene Okerlund speaks with DDP about Randy Savage, and the power goes out. Pittman got BANGED too hard, I guess. They take a break and try again. If Savage thinks DDP has forgotten about him, he’ll be sure to remind him of who exactly he is.
Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Galaxy
Damien is to Galaxy what Hector Guerrero is to LAZERTRON. Lots of lucha choreographed nonsense to start. Rey dropkicks Galaxy all around and nearly sends him into the pool! Galaxy tries to walk the ropes, but Rey trips him up. Now Galaxy is missing a moonsault, which gets him all dizzy for the SPRINGBOARD HURRACANRANA by Rey for the win. (3:21) Fun to watch I guess. It’s that it’s a predictable match after predictable match. How are they beating Raw in the ratings again? Were people THAT opposed to Psycho Sid as WWF champion? ¾*
HOUR NUMBER TWO! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Mike Tenay.
Gene Okerlund brings out MTV VJ John Sencio to hype Scott Hall and Kevin Nash appearing on his show and to introduce the 1997 Miss WCW Monday Nitro, whatever that means. Her name is Pamela Rogers, who in 2005 when she was charged with thirteen counts of statutory rape, would change every 13 year old boys perception that thought having sex with their super hot elementary school teacher was completely out of the realm of possibility. Thanks to people like Pamela Rogers Turner, we now know that there is hope.
Lex Luger, The Giant, and Rick & Scott Steiner vs. Greg Valentine, Roadblock, and the Amazing French Canadians (w/Col. Robert Parker)
Obviously just a warmup match for Team WCW. Tony explains the rules to the UnCeNSoReD main event. It’s Royal Rumble rules with pinfalls and submissions allowed. If Team WCW wins, the nWo must give up all the belts they currently possess and cannot compete at a WCW sanctioned event for the next 36 months. If Team Piper wins, then Piper gets a cage match at a later date with Hollywood Hogan. Apparently if the nWo wins, they just win. Tony doesn’t explain that part. Quick and fun little eight man tag here. Luger and the Steiners work 95% of the match. After Roadblock takes an overhead suplex from Scott, Giant tags in and gives him the CHOKESLAM for the 1-2-3. (2:11) High fives all around! They are ready for UnCeNSoReD! ¾*
Gene Okerlund joins Team WCW in the ring. Luger doesn’t need to give advice to Roddy Piper, but he will anyway. He reminds Piper that the Four Horsemen are a band of cutthroats who always have their own agenda. Just be careful, that’s all. Everyone else just spits out some quick sound bites. They’re for sure going to win though this Sunday though!
Ultimo Dragon (w/Sonny Oono) vs. Juventud Guerrera
Tony does mention that Ultimo Dragon will face Psychosis at UnCeNSoReD. Just a bunch of lucha counters and counters to counters until Sonny Oono distracts Juvi while Dragon drops a double sledge off the apron. That nearly sends Juvi over the railing into the pool. They tease a dive in the pool for a bit before going back inside. Ultimo Dragon delivers the Four Kick Combo and then continues to kick Juvi while he’s writhing on the mat. Sweet spinning backbreaker by Dragon sets up a surfboard. Slingshot suplex gets two. Juvi flips out of a release German suplex and dropkicks Dragon to the floor before wiping him out with a somersault dive from the top. Back in, a springboard spinning heel kick by Guerrera gets 1-2-NO! Juvi runs into a knee in the corner and gets drilled with the RUNNING LIGERBOMB! Dragon Hurracanrana leads into the Tiger Suplex for the 1-2-3! (4:53) Great finish! Easily the best match of the night. **½
Scotty Riggs vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho has sure been pretty quiet since Superbrawl. Now he’s facing off against Riggs? Riggs controls to start, but Jericho gets the springboard dropkick on the apron. Back in, Jericho delivers a suplex for two. Riggs catches him for a powerslam. Jericho tries a superplex, but Riggs shrugs him off and nails Jericho with a flying clothesline for two. Jericho delivers a German suplex out of nowhere for another nearfall. Just as Riggs hits the Flying Forearm, Buff Bagwell hits the ring and starts whipping Riggs with a strap for the DQ. (3:38) What a shocker. Jericho knocks Bagwell out to the ring to end the carnage. ¾*
A very busy Gene Okerlund is standing by with Madusa after she was attacked by Luna Vachon last week. She will face Akira Hokuto for the WCW Womens title anywhere in the world. As for Luna, if she’s so tough then why isn’t she in Panama City tonight? Who knows. Gene is excited about Hokuto-Madusa!
Since we have to, it’s time to check in with Lee Marshall who is On the Road with 1-800-COLLECT. He’s in Savannah, Georgia getting everyone ready for next week’s Monday Nitro and making up another unfunny weasel joke directed at Bobby Heenan. Does Marshall EVER actually get to be at a wrestling show? Heenan’s response – “He amuses you (Tony & Mike), does he?”
Kevin Sullivan (w/Jacqueline & Jimmy Hart) vs. Hardbody Harrison
This goes exactly like you think it would. The match is thrown out about two minutes in. Sullivan and Jacqueline take turns beating on this poor guy before they throw him in the pool. FINALLY! (2:00) I wonder how many people kept tuning into this episode just to see someone get tossed into the pool?
Gene Okerlund meets Kevin Sullivan, Jacqueline, and Jimmy Hart in the ring. They all talk about how tough Jacqueline is. Sullivan gets serious though. He says that since the Four Horsemen have had nothing but excuses for their problems over the past year without Ric Flair in charge (huh?), now that they have joined Roddy Piper at UnCeNSoReD, they really have no reason for any more excuses.
We’re at the last twenty minutes of the show. Time for the nWo! Eric Bischoff is now with them. So is Sting. They all come out to hype a little bit of footage with Hollywood Hogan again hanging out with Dennis Rodman in front of the movie poster for Double Team. Rodman puts on the nWo shirt to make himself an official member of the crew. That’s big entertainment news in 1997, folks! Back to Club La Vela, Hogan hands Sting an nWo shirt, but he just stands there and doesn’t put it on, so they hang it over his shoulder. The nWo Wolfpac says to Team WCW, “don’t sing it, bring it.” As for Randy Savage, he’s forgotten who DDP’s name is due to his excitement about Dennis Rodman joining the gang. Bischoff asks Sting if he remembers, and all he gets in return is a cold stare. Whoever he was, he’s looking for Randy Savage. He’s a little afraid, but not scared, and pretty cool about the whole situation. Oh, Randy. You’re such a silly man. Dennis Rodman will be at UnCeNSoReD! Buy the PPV! It’s going to be awesome! Tony wonders who allowed the nWo airtime since Eric Bischoff has been suspended. Good question that really doesn’t matter at this point.
Apparently, it was supposed to be Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy vs. Jarrett & Mongo at UnCeNSoReD. Since Jarrett and Mongo are part of Team Piper, that of course leaves Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy at the PPV. Harlem Heat interrupts PE’s pre-match interview and the match never happens as we run out of time.
AND WE OUT! UNCENSORED IS NEXT!
WCW presents UnCeNSoReD live on PPV on Sunday March 16!
Here is the card as it looks on this date:
- Team WCW (Lex Luger, The Giant, Rick & Scott Steiner) vs. Team nWo (Hollywood Hogan, Randy Savage, Scott Hall & Kevin Nash) vs. Team Piper (Roddy Piper, Jeff Jarrett, Chris Benoit & Steve “Mongo” McMichael)
- WCW U.S. Heavyweight Champion Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko – “No DQ” Match
- WCW World Television Champion Prince Iaukea vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
- Harlem Heat vs. Public Enemy
- Ultimo Dragon vs. Psychosis
- Buff Bagwell vs. Scotty Riggs – Strap Match