August 30, 2009
WCW Monday Nitro
July 1, 1996
The current WCW champs were as follows:
WCW World Champion: The Giant (4/29/1996)
WCW U.S. Champion: Konnan (1/29/1996)
WCW World Tag Team Champions: Harlem Heat (6/24/1996)
WCW World Television Champion: Lex Luger (3/6/1996)
WCW World Cruiserweight Champion: Dean Malenko (5/18/1996)
HOUR NUMBER ONE! Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko. They’re back sitting at a lowly ringside table.
DDP comes over and cries about somebody stealing his ‘Lord of the Ring’ umm, ring. Lock the doors and strip search everybody! Yes, even you grandma.
WCW World Tag Team Champions Harlem Heat vs. Rick & Scott Steiner
Since the Steiners were the only team not pinned last week, they get a tag titles shot. Scott and Booker start the match. Booker knees out of a hiptoss, but runs into a boot in the corner and takes a Spinning Belly to Belly Suplex. That’s not all as Scott follows up with a press slam and clotheslines Booker to the floor. Off camera, Stevie Ray takes a Steinerline to the floor as the Steiners do their “riding my pet dog who happens to be my older brother” shtick. Commercial! We come back to see the Four Horsemen and the ladies sitting at the VIP table. It’s about time they used that thing. In the ring, Stevie Ray misses a corner charge and receives a release German suplex from Rick. Scott tags in and levels Stevie Ray with an overhead suplex. Col. Robert Parker strolls out and has his wallet out. Tony mentions something about Harlem Heat or Col. Parker talking to somebody on a cell phone, which is exactly what they did to bring Sherri Martel in as the Heat’s manager back in 1994. Oh yeah, there’s a match going on. Booker T catches Rick with a jumping leg lariat and a crossbody out of the corner gets two. Rick stops Booker up top and brings him down with a Belly to Belly Superplex. Cover near the ropes gets two. Scott tags in and hits the double underhook slam for two. Stevie Ray helps out with a knee from the apron as Scott stumbles into a superkick. He tags in and slams Scott around to set up a flying splash from Booker T for 1-2-NO! Double KO spot ensues and Rick gets the hot tag. Powerslams and Steinerlines! It breaks down and Scott hits the FRANKENSTEINER on Booker. Stevie Ray stops the pin and throws Scott out as they brawl on the floor. While the ref is paying attention to them, Rick hits the STEINER BULLDOG on Booker. Geez, Booker T is getting massacred. He goes for the STEINER BULLDOG off Scott’s shoulders when Col. Parker crotches Rick and whacks him with his cane! Scott has no idea and dumps Booker when Stevie Ray tries to come into the ring. Meanwhile, Booker covers Rick for the 1-2-3. (8:18) Quite the decent little match from these two teams. Apparently Sister Sherri does all her business via mobile phone since she would return on the Bash at the Beach pre-show to help Harlem Heat regain the belts against the Steiners. **½
Gene Okerlund finds himself immersed in the Four Horsemen and the ladies. They reflect back on the beatings the Horsemen have dished out on the Rock N Roll Express, Joe Gomez and the Renegade, which is *your * eight man tag main event for tonight. They clear out knowing Randy Savage’s match is coming up soon. WHAT’S CAUSIN’ ALL THIS? WOOOO!
“Blood Runs Cold” promo. Glacier. Coming to WCW. July 1996.
Kurasawa vs. Disco Inferno
Kurasawa’s still here? Anyways, he chops and kicks Disco around until he bails to the floor. Disco kicks the steps and hurts his toe. Awwww. Back in, Kurasawa delivers a Samoan drop and a backdrop slam. I’m not sure what you call that, but he picks up Disco over his shoulder and falls back to the mat. Disco’s music hits and a ridiculous fat Elvis impersonator comes out to distract Kurasawa. A disco ball is lowered towards the ring and Disco whacks Kurasawa in the back with it for the 1-2-3. (4:45) He’s the #1 contender to the Cruiserweight title, folks! *
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Scotty Riggs
Rematch from Saturday Night. Yippee. DDP is still just as furious about finding his ring. On a split screen interview, Hacksaw Jim Duggan proclaims that wearing jewelry is for fairies and nancy boys, tough guy. Page destroys Riggs in the corner and gives him a back suplex. He cheats using the ropes during an ab stretch. Once he comes out of that, Riggs tries a sunset flip and fails. Page kneels down and sticks out his arms so Riggs can bring him over with his legs for two. Back to their feet, DDP floors Riggs with a clothesline. Pumphandle backbreaker connects. He tries another one, but Riggs flips out and rolls up DDP for two. Riggs ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Page to the floor. Down on the outside, Riggs steps up his game with a springboard crossbody. Back in, Riggs hits the Flying Forearm (MAYBE TITO SANTANA IS THE THIRD MAN!), but Page gets his foot on the bottom rope. Page powers out of a slam and hits the DIAMOND CUTTER for the 1-2-3. (5:42) Onto Bash at the Beach, where DDP faces Jim Duggan in a “taped fist” match! NEAT-O! *½
Gene Okerlund stops DDP and tells him he has a good idea where the ring is. He doesn’t say, but he’s implying Duggan has it. Page doesn’t understand and tries to frisk Gene. Hey you better be careful Page, Gene’s Jewish. Trust me, he knows a good lawyer.
Randy Savage vs. Greg Valentine
Greg Valentine returns and finally gets that WrestleMania IV rematch he’s wanted (why not). IF ONLY YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, GREG! Savage has the Sting face paint to match his gear to show unityyyyyyyyyy. Valentine actually controls a good bit of this match. He tries for the FIGURE-FOUR early, but Savage kicks him away. He settles for a beating in the corner until he runs into a boot. They go to the floor where Savage slams Valentine’s head on the rail. Over on the other side, Valentine returns the favor tenfold. Back inside, Valentine hits a backbreaker for two. Savage goes to the eyes and tries a Flying Double Ax Handle, but Valentine catches him on the way down with a back elbow! Cover, 1-2-NO! Back suplex from Valentine knocks out both men, but Savage is the first one up. He heads up top (??) and delivers the MACHO ELBOW for the 1-2-3. (5:17) Apparently Greg Valentine earns himself a job for at least another year in WCW with this match. *½
HOUR NUMBER TWO! Your hosts are (he’s baaaaack) Eric Bischoff & Bobby Heenan. Eric sends a message to the Outsiders and Kevin Nash in particular, who gave him a powerbomb off the stage at the Great American Bash, and tells him that nobody is scared of them for what they did to him. And yet, he does it with a look of fear in his eyes.
We look over to see Scott Hall and Kevin (still unnamed) got front row seats for Nitro. Well, you can’t kick them out since they bought tickets! The popcorn and soda was a great touch. It shows they’re here to take control of WCW, but they’re also here to have a good time.
Another “Blood Runs Cold” promo. Glacier. Coming to WCW. July 1996.
WCW World Heavyweight Champion The Giant (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. John Tenta
Tenta’s war with the Dungeon of Doom continues. That’s like his second title shot on Nitro since he split from the group. Giant controls with clotheslines and boot chokes as we see DC’s finest sitting over by Hall & Nash’s seats. Tenta makes a comeback when Giant charges him in the corner. He takes Giant down with a dropkick. Jimmy Hart hops up on the apron and gets flipped into the ring. Here comes Kevin Sullivan and he gets goozled. Giant stops that with a kick to the back (or ‘back leg round kick’ for you karate experts). Big Bubba is at ringside now with clippers. CHOKESLAM to Tenta! Cover, 1-2-3. (6:38) Giant holds Tenta while this time Bubba shaves half his face! Have you ever seen such cruelty? ½*
Everybody’s got matches at the PPV. Bubba shows off that he can bust up a roll of quarters. Giant promises the Four Horsemen will leave as Four Geldings. Dang, he’s going to castrate Benoit and Arn? You think Kevin Sullivan is the weak link in the Dungeon of Doom? Well, you’re probably right. But who’s going to argue with the Giant?
WCW Saturday Night! Watch it! 6:05PM eastern! TBS! The American Males take on the Rock N Roll Express! Diamond Dallas Page faces…somebody! Chris Benoit battles Cobra! And in the main event, Sting, Lex Luger, and Randy Savage will be in a six-man tag match to get warmed up for the Bash at the Beach! It’s the MUTHASHIP! PAY WINDAHS AND ALL THAT PLUNDAH, BABY!
Rey Mysterio highlight video is interrupted by Hall and Nash. Somehow, they have microphones! They start making their way over to the announce table before DC’s finest stand in their way. Whoops, Nash drops an F bomb. Sting, Lex, (why are those two even here?! AND DRESSED UP TO FIGHT SOMEBODY?) and Savage come out and Nash yells “Hey look at the clowns!” Haha, because they all have their faces painted! Other WCW wrestlers (babyface and heel alike) stand behind the face painters as the police escort Hall and Nash out of the building. ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!
After some commercials, Gene Okerlund meets up with Jim Duggan in the locker room! Oh boy. Duggan has found the ‘Lord of the Ring’ ring (Gene calls it the King of the Ring. HA!) on the bathroom floor. While these two talk over each other, DDP storms the area and accuses Duggan of being a thief. When Duggan tosses the ring at him and Page kneels down to pick it up off the ground, Duggan reaches into his tights and tapes up his fist for a punch right across the chops.
Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Chris Benoit & Steve McMichael (w/Elizabeth, Woman & Debra) vs. The Rock N Roll Express, Joe Gomez & Renegade
The Four Horsemen are going to hurt some people. Arn and Morton start us off which quickly erupts into a pier-six brawl, leaving the Horsemen to regroup on the floor. Back in, Flair tags in and Morton fights out of the corner. Gibson steps into the ring – DOUBLE DROPKICK to Flair! Arn tags in and gets caught with an enziguri from Gibson. In comes Benoit to a nice pop. He dismantles Renegade in the corner while Bischoff and Heenan run down the Bash at the Beach card. Tag to Flair, Renegade catches him with a pair of clotheslines, so Flair bails. Back in, Joe Gomez sends Flair in for the Corner Flip which leads to a right hand on the apron courtesy of Renegade. Back to Benoit. He chops the life out of Gomez. Finally, Steve McMichael tags in to face a beaten down Joe Gomez. I mean come on, it’s JOE GOMEZ. He slaps Gomez around and tags Flair for a Rolling Knee Drop. Back to Arn, Gomez hits a sunset flip with a right hand from Morton for two. Arn reverses a whip and hits the Spinebuster. YAY! Gomez gets a backslide on Benoit and boy does that piss him off as he fires away on Gomez. Tag to Flair, Gomez counters the FIGURE-FOUR with an inside cradle. The Horsemen have enough of this guy and take turns taking him to school. Mongo hits a powerslam and follows up with an elbow drop. Arn eats a knee lift and Gomez HOT TAGS RENEGADE! During the breakdown of the match, Mongo throws the Halliburton briefcase at Renegade (which misses) when he tries the FLYING SPLASH on Flair. FIGURE-FOUR gets the submission victory. (11:50) Dumb finish and not the heat-filled babyface killing I hoped for. Now had this been in Charlotte, it might be a different story. **
Gene Okerlund spends more time with the Four Horsemen. Mongo declares that as a Horsemen, he will win at any level. Benoit and Arn tell everybody to start taking a body count – right now. Ric Flair promises to regain the U.S. title whether Konnan likes it or not. Flair gives us another “after dark” Horsemen story that makes no sense.
Bischoff and Heenan prepare to close out the show when Bischoff gets word that there’s something going on in the back. There always is! The police are making Hall and Nash leave in their Corvette. It took them 25 minutes to get out of the building? You have to love the nerdy cop getting up in Nash’s face. He doesn’t belong there. Nash is seriously trying not to laugh at him. AND WE OUT!