May 22, 2010
WCW Monday Nitro
September 4, 2000
This is near the tail end of WCW Vince Russo lunacy, so let’s see if this show illustrates that. I have a funny feeling it will.
We start with hype for Russo’s revenge, a bizarre 3 cage war games match for the title which is so convoluted I’m not going to even attempt to explain the rules until later in the show.
Live from Dallas, Texas
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and replacing Scott Hudson, whose wife was in labour, Jeremy Borash.
The Insane Clown Posse, known in WCW as Dark Carnival, are out.
MATCH 1- WCW TAG TITLES- THE FILTHY ANIMALS VS DARK CARNIVAL
I should admit at this point that I only know the name of one of the Dark Carnival, so they will be referred to as DC 1 and Violent J. The DC dominate early on. Juvy comes back with a dropkick to one, and an Arabian press by Mysterio to the others. Juvy elevates Rey into a missile dropkick, and they hit stereo planchas. Juvy goes up top, but DC 1 cuts him off with a dropkick. A miscue means they take out each other though, and Juvy hits a facebuster. Mysterio comes in with a leg drop off the ropes. Air Juvy! Bronco Buster! Violent J takes out Juvy and hit a double elbow on Mysterio. Violent J hits a press slam on Mysterio, and then tries another one. Juvy cuts him off with a missile dropkick. Double dropkick by the animals! Wazzup drop by the Animals, and that will do it.
Rating- **- Not a bad match, carried by the Filthy Animals. Crowd were hot for it too, which helped.
In the back, Lance Storm is forcing Major Gunns to run a treadmill. They kidnapped her last week you see, but the police didn’t do anything because of crushing xenophobia.
They lower the Triple Cage as Vince Russo comes out with the Natural Born Thrillers. He enters. The tension is high. Russo says that WCW promises to entertain the fans tonight. Is he resigning then? I know, obvious joke. He is getting some decent heat though. He attempts to explain the rules, so I will also. He says the object of the match is to climb to the top of the highest cage and claim the belt, then carry it out the cage. There will be two teams of four, although it’s every man for himself, and says the team he likes to call the babyfaces is him, Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash, against the “heels”, the Cat, Booker T, Goldberg and Sting. Oh, how clever Russo is. He uses insider references. I’m tuning in next week to hear more insider references. He says tonight The Cat has no power, so Team Booker all must win qualifying matches to enter War Games 2000. He also says if Goldberg wins the War Games, he will waive the non physicality rule between him and Goldberg.
Kevin Nash comes out. He asks Russo what he’s smoking. Cigarettes, probably. Nash says he doesn’t want the title on the line in War Games. Russo says Nash doesn’t tell him what to do. Nash says he’s Russo’s daddy, and chokes him, but here comes Sting! Russo tells Nash to kick Sting’s ass, but he just leaves, and Sting tells Russo he will qualify tonight and become the WCW champion. Sting then goes after Russo, and Sting chases Russo around the cage until Steiner, Jarrett and the Natural Born Thrillers try to make the save. Booker and the Cat come out to brawl with the Thrillers, and Sting takes out Steiner as Jarrett shields Russo. Russo climbs to safety as everyone brawls, but here comes Goldberg! Russo runs for his life, and Goldberg just goes to the back. Actually a pretty good segment to hype the War Games, although the concept of this War Games 2000 is stupid and Russo’s insider references get grating fast.
Meanwhile, Steiner and Jarrett shout at Russo for getting them into trouble.
The Harris Brothers come out. The Harris demand footage is played. They succeed in their quest. It shows them beating down Kronik in a bar.
Shane Douglas wants Goldberg tonight- as long as he has the Thrillers backing them up. Torrie Wilson convinces Douglas he doesn’t need the Thrillers backing him up, and so the qualifier is set- Goldberg Vs Shane Douglas.
MATCH 2- HANDICAP WAR GAMES 2000 QUALIFIER- STING VS VAMPIRO AND THE GREAT MUTA
Dark Carnival attack Sting off the bat. Sting takes them both out though, clotheslining Vampiro out the ring and giving Muta a face buster. Vampiro comes back with a double axe handle. Muta accidentally sprays Vampiro with the mist, and Muta is taken out. Stinger Splash, Scorpion Death Drop, and Vampiro is pinned.
Rating- N/R- Far too short to offer any sort of rating.
Post match Vampiro and Muta argue and the ICP come in to calm things down.
Meanwhile, Storm and Skipper make Major Gunns work out some more.
Stevie Ray tells Vince Russo he doesn’t want to wrestle, he wants to be a commentator, but Vince insists he must wrestle tonight.
Kevin Nash complains about Vince Russo, but Jeff Jarrett tells him to get over it. Nash gets pissed off, and says tonight he’ll play for the other team. Insert gay joke here.
Stevie Ray comes out and says he knew deep down that Vince Russo would force him to wrestle Booker T tonight, even though at the beginning of the year they hated each other and wanted to beat the hell out of each other. Hell, they even faced off in a terrible match at Souled Out 2000. But, hey, Russo’s booking, and we know not to expect continuity from him.
MATCH 3- BOOKER T VS STEVIE RAY
Hopefully this will be short. Stevie stomps Booker down to start and throws him to the outside, where he continues to beat on him. Slam by Stevie gets two. Booker powers out of a rest hold and hits a flying forearm. Booker hits the Scissor Kick and spinaroonies! He goes for another one, but Stevie catches him and gives him a powerbomb. He attempts the Slap Jack, but Booker back drops out of it. He attempts the Book end, but Stevie counters. They trade some counters, and Booker hits the Book End.
Rating- * ˝ - Pretty decent action. Much better than their Souled Out match.
Kronik asks the Jung Dragons if they have seen The Harris Brothers. The Jung Dragons don’t know, so Kronik beat them up because they both have the letter o in their team name.
Kronik choke 3 Count in ring and hits a Triple High Times! Kronik just squash them. Clark gets a pump handle slam on Shannon Moore and the cruiserweights leave.
Kronik call out the Harris Brothers as Tony Schiavone says every fan in the world wants to see that match. Sometimes, I wonder if Schiavone was just playing one big long practical joke on the Smarks.
Jeff Jarrett comes out to call Kronik slapnuts. He says they won’t get the Harris Brothers tonight. He tells Kronik they have a handicap match, and they will take on the Cat.
MATCH 4- KRONIK VS THE CAT
The Cat tells Kronik the fight isn’t between them and him. He suggests they beat the hell out of Jarrett. Then, the Cat rolls up Adams, but gets two. Kronik beat on The Cat, and the Cat rolls out the ring and gets a shot on Jarrett. Kronik pull him back in and give him a double clothesline. They hit the High Times and that will be all.
Apparently, Russo, the brain dead moron didn’t realise this would mean they both go through to War Games 2000. It will now be 5 on 4. I think. Scott Steiner shouts at Russo.
MATCH 5- GOLDBERG VS SHANE DOUGLAS
Shane Douglas introduces Torrie Wilson. Torrie Wilson runs down Dallas, and Shane Douglas tells Goldberg that he started something he doesn’t think he can finish. Douglas starts to run down Dallas again, but Goldberg interrupts!
They lock up and Goldberg shoves Shane down. They repeat the spot. Shane gets a go behind, but Goldberg takes him into a leg lock. He whips him into the guardrail on the outside. He chokes Douglas, but misses a punch and hits the ringpost. Douglas rams Goldberg’s arm into the ring steps. He works over the arm in an uninteresting manner. Goldberg powers out of an arm bar and no sells the arm. Goldberg prepares the Spear, and the Natural Born Thrillers assault Goldberg, which is legal for some reason. Goldberg kills all of them, burying them in the process. He spears Douglas. Jack Hammer, and that does it.
Rating- N/R- I’m getting sick of all these short matches, and I know part of Goldberg’s appeal was the fact he just ran through everyone, but I think the fans would accept it if he fell to 8 attackers.
In the back, Russo looks haggard. He spots Kevin Nash and apologizes to him, but Nash says he is still going to make sure Vince Russo doesn’t win the title in the main event. Good for him.
Post match, Major Gunns swims for the right to be Canadian. She reiterates that she doesn’t want to be Canadian, but she swims anyway. MIA jump Lance and Skipper and they brawl in the pool.
Arn Anderson discusses the marriage between David Flair and Stacy Keibler. He says that both he and Ric Flair will be there.
We see footage of Big Vito attacking Vince Russo. Vito calls the fans good looking. He says he enjoyed beating up Vince Russo last week, and tells the Natural Born Thrillers to bring it on.
The N.B.T come out and Mike Sanders runs down Vito and the Dallas fans. They have a pretty lame argument. Mike Sanders was quite charismatic though, and I think he would have worked well as a main event manager, as he never had much more than average ring ability.
MATCH 6- 1 ON 6 HANDICAP MATCH- VITO VS THE NATURAL BORN THRILLERS
They all just beat on Vito, until Vito fights back and takes out all of them, but they soon take over again. For those of you who remember Vito an Italian cross-dresser, this is ridiculous. It’s probably ridiculous to everyone though. Mike Sanders gets the pin in the end.
Rating- DUD- This whole segment was so very boring.
Post match, The Natural Born Thrillers beat down Vito.
We get an interview with Kronik, Booker and Sting. They all rip on Vince Russo for being an idiot, and promise to get their hands on him.
MATCH 7- HANDICAP TRIPLE CAGE WAR GAMES 2000- GOLDBERG, STING, BOOKER T AND KRONIK VS SCOTT STEINER, JEFF JARRETT, KEVIN NASH AND VINCE RUSSO
There is a chance this will make no sense. Sting and Jarrett to start things off, and Sting slugs away on Jarrett, then hits a dropkick and clotheslines him to the outside. He throws him into the cage a few times. He rams him into the steps. Sting gets a ladder, but that allows Jarrett to come back. Sting whips Jarrett into the Ladder a few times, and Scott Steiner is next out, making it two on one. Sting tries to climb to the second cage, but Steiner and Jarrett stop him. Steiner press slams him down. Steiner sets up another ladder as Jarrett beats Sting down. They team up on Sting, and Kronik are up next.
Steiner and Jarrett start to climb. Why do they just let each other though? Because they’re on the same team? There is only one winner after all. Kronik go after Steiner and beat on him inside the second cage, slowly. Next is Vince Russo coming down and he is bringing in the Harris Brothers, who I don’t think are in the match, but since they will help Russo it’s now six on five. For fudge’s sake, what’s wrong with just the normal war games concept?
Kronik and The Harris Brothers hit each other with trash cans in the second cage, and hit about as hard as Hornswoggle. Nash is in next and he choke slams Sting and threatens to do so to Russo, which shouldn’t be a problem because it’s every man for themselves regarding the World Title, but because they’re meant to be on the same team, it’s controversial and shocking. Booker comes in and takes out Team Russo. Russo tries to attack Booker, but hits a Scissor Kick. Nash hits a big boot, and Jarrett starts to try and climb. Oh, I should say that Kronik and The Harris Brothers are now fighting in the crowd, as Kronik appear to have forgot about gaining what’s meant to be the most important title in the company, because of a feud with the Harris Brothers. What confuses me even more is Kronik had the Harris Brothers down and could have easily climbed up and got the world title, although who it would have gone to is a mystery because it’s every man for himself except they are all on teams, and then after getting the title they could have beaten on the Harris Brothers. Grrr.
Goldberg is the final man in and cleans house on all of Team Russo. Russo hits Goldberg with a baseball bat, and Goldberg goes down like he’s been shot, despite the fact he survived an 8 person beatdown earlier on the show. Team Russo handcuff Goldberg as everyone suddenly tries to go for the belt. Steiner, Booker and Sting are on the second tier, and Booker scales up to the final cage and grabs the title, as Nash stands by the door so no one can exit with the belt. Why is he the only one doing that, because if you can’t win until you’ve exited the cage with the belt, what’s the point of getting it in the first place? Somehow Sting got handcuffed, and he doesn’t look too bothered in the end, and Vince Russo has got the belt. The Cat runs in and knocks Russo out with a kick, but Nash hits a Jacknife powerbomb on The Cat to protect Russo, who minutes ago he was threatening to choke slam. Goldberg breaks the handcuffs and cleans house again, and Goldberg is the... no, Bret Hart just slammed the door into Goldberg’s head, and proceeds to do nothing, and then it was ALL A SWERVE, and Nash wins the belt. Well, I suppose that explains why Nash saved Russo, so give them a point.
Rating- Negative Stars- I could make a list of all the bad things about this, but I don’t have the mental resolve, so I’ll summarise- no intensity, no sense = no excitement.
Overall- Well, it was OK until after the first segment in the 3 Tier Cage, but after that it just descended into two minute matches, 3 handicap bouts (including War Games 2000, characters with no motivation (for example, why did Nash and Russo go to the trouble of doing the big swerve, because they were kicking everyone’s asses even with Nash supposedly not on the same page, so they could have just allowed Nash to work with them the whole match, beat everyone quicker and achieved the same result? And why did Team Canada kidnap Major Gunns? You don’t just kidnap people for the hell of it), and perhaps worse of all, a complete bastardisation of the War Games concept resulting in a baffling and ludicrous main event. Suffice to say do not watch.