October 20, 2013
Scott Criscuolo
The Place to Be

Monday Night Raw
October 14, 2013
St. Louis, Missouri

Michael Cole welcomes us to Cardinals country and Justin Roberts introduces the special guest referee for the Hell in a Cell WWE Championship. Coincidental he is here, since Shawn was in the first Hell in a Cell match in this exact city. Hell in this very building. Badd Blood 1997. HBK gets the raucous ovation as always. HBK thanks everyone for voting for him. No one forgot about you HB-Shizzle. HBK talks about the competitors in the match next Sunday. He says he trained Daniel Bryan and always liked him. On the other hand, Shawn hates Randy Orton and Triple H is still his best friend. He says what happened at Night of Champions and Battleground was a crock and it will not happen under his watch. There will be a champion after Hell in a Cell. That brings out our co-#1 contender for the WWE Title, Randy Orton. Orton still wearing the swank black-pink shirt. Orton’s getting a little pop from the audience here. Orton says he gets to the point. He was raised in this town, and he knows these people better than Shawn. Then to keep his heel heat he says the people of St. Louis aren’t that bright. Orton says Shawn is resentful of the fact that Orton’s career was always better than Shawn’s. Orton says Shawn will have to sit there and watch his protégé get pummeled and Shawn will have to count 1-2-3. Orton then says if HBK screws him then he won’t come back from what Orton does to him. Shawn won’t be intimidated and says that if Orton touches him he will kick Orton’s head off his shoulders. Orton tries to hit an RKO but Shawn reverses and attempts Sweet Chin Music but Orton ducks away. The Miz then runs down the ramp and attacks Orton. That sets up our first match of the night after the break.

MATCH: Randy Orton vs. The Miz
To recap that opening promo was solid enough, but nothing earth shattering. The match goes pretty much paint by numbers. Miz gets a quick rush early but Orton eventually settles in and takes over. Miz makes a late comeback but Orton reverses the Skull-Crushing Finale. Miz gets the Figure Four locked on until out of nowhere the lights go out. When they come back on the Wyatt Family is on the top ramp. Miz gawks up the ramp which gives Orton a chance to drop an RKO and win the match. WINNER: Randy Orton

After the match Bray Wyatt says Miz is about everything he loathes. Wyatt says Miz is all about fame, and he’s going to put Miz down.

MATCH: Fandango vs. Santino Marella
More pink shirts. I hope the sales are good, because some of the shirts are butt ugly. Not a knock on the gesture for the Susan G. Komen Foundation but some of the shirts shouldn’t have switched. The match is pretty standard, and Summer Rae distracts Santino enough for Fandango to roll him up for the win. WINNER: Fandango

Wow Stone Temple Pilots have the official song of Hell in a Cell. Wow how the mighty have fallen. We go backstage to where Paul Heyman is talking with GM Brad Maddox. Heyman shows Maddox the Battleground footage where CM Punk cheated to beat Ryback. So at Hell in a Cell Heyman wants Punk to face Ryback and Axel. Maddox feels that’s not fair, so tonight we’ll have Beat the Clock. If Ryback wins Paul’s stipulation will hold. If Punk wins he picks the stipulation.

We get a John Cena vignette. Are you fucking serious? He’s been out TWO MONTHS! We need a goddamn vignette? So it’s not a red herring. We had about a two month grace period to have faith in the product before he had to come back. So sad.

MATCH: Los Matadores (With #midgetmantaur) vs. Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre
Is this the third consecutive combination of 3MB that Los Matadores has faced? Just end these stiffs and give Drew “the Chosen One” gimmick back. 3MB loses again. WINNERS: Los Matadores

We go back to last week and the Triple H/Big Show saga.

ON YOUR KNEES DOG. Out comes COO Triple H and his wife Stephanie. Stephanie says last week he learned kindness was mistaken for weakness. The crowd chants YOU GOT KNOCKED OUT and Triple H is poker face. Stephanie says Big Show will now lose everything in his life. Stephanie says that will be a lesson to all in the locker room. As for Triple H’s health, he doesn’t have a concussion or a broken jaw. Triple H IS THE WWE according to Stephanie. Isn’t that what I’ve been saying for like 15 years? Triple H says he took the thankless COO job because of the WWE Universe. He says everyone has his or her breaking point, and his was last week. Triple H says that its obvious everyone wants them to be the villain. So Triple H says you have your villain. He says Big Show will grovel at his feet. Anyone in the WWE locker room that wants to defy authority will pay dearly. With that out comes the other #1 contender Daniel Bryan to a big ovation and a big YES chant. Halfway down the ramp he is jumped from behind by World Champion Alberto Del Rio. Stephanie announces Del Rio is Bryan’s opponent later tonight. Triple H starts a YES chant but everyone is chanting NO. I’m chanting YES.

BEAT THE CLOCK MATCH: R-Truth vs. Ryback
So I guess Ryback has to set a time for his match, and CM Punk has to beat it later tonight. Great psychology by R-Truth who walks around the ring nonchalantly to kill time. Eventually they get started and Ryback is beating Truth senseless. Ryback wins with Shell Shock. WINNER: Ryback

Ryback wins the match in 5:44. Punk has to beat that.

Back from break and Stephanie is walking, and she walks into the Bellas. God too many annoying people on one screen. I fast forward.

MATCH: Tons of Funk vs. Real Americans
Two tag teams pretty much floating aimlessly hook up in our mid-show match. Swagger and Cesaro have good chemistry as a tag team. Shame they’re like 5-25 since being put together. Cesaro is a beast, as he dead-lifted Sweet T and suplexed him. Eventually Brodus gets the hot tage but Cesaro recovers to hit the Equalizer and win the match. Swagger did practically nothing in this encounter. Cesaro did all the work. WINNERS: Real Americans

Cesaro then spins Sweet T around, but he almost loses his balance so he only does it for a few seconds. The crowd chanted WE THE PEOPLE. Maybe both will turn face.

MATCH: Brie Bella vs. Tamina Snuka
Apparently this is punishment to Brie for what her fiancée did last week. That was during the time I was fast forwarding. AJ is at ringside. Tamina wins with a boot to the face. WINNER: Tamina Snuka

Snuka and AJ beat Brie down after the match. AJ puts her in that awesome Black Widow submission move.

Daniel Bryan barges into Stephanie’s office and rips into her for what she did to Brie. Stephanie tells Daniel he has a fiancée to attend to.

BEAT THE CLOCK MATCH: CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel
So Punk has to beat 5:44 or he faces Ryback and Axel at HIAC. These guys work pretty well together as they’ve wrestled each other often in the past couple of months. With 1:00 left Heyman keeps telling Axel to stall but Axel keeps going for the win and with :11 left Punk hits the GTS to win the match and beat the clock. WINNER: CM Punk

Punk asks Paul to come back down the ramp as the party’s just starting. Punk decides to keep the Handicap match, but it will be Ryback and Heyman against Punk, and it will be inside the Cell. That’s where the feud ends and Heyman will be destroyed.

MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio
Two definite candidates for WWE Wrestler of the Year right here. Del Rio beats the snot out of Bryan for most of the match. Bryan makes his customary comebacks and throws his body all over the place. ¾ through the match Randy Orton comes up on the TitanTron and says he’s going to check in on Daniel’s fiancée Brie. He opens and slams the door shut. Daniel tries to leave but Del Rio won’t let him. Eventually Bryan kicks Del Rio in the head and knocks him out, then runs out of the ring to the back room. He gets to the trainers room where Orton ambushes him and throws him into one of the hot tubs. WINNER BY COUNTOUT: Alberto Del Rio

Back from break and the Shield is badmouthing Daniel Bryan and then Triple H makes their match tonight with the Rhodes boys no disqualification. Triple H: “Finish this.” Triple H and Stephanie make out. I will say this, they are making themselves so nauseating its tremendous.

We get a John Cena workout vignette rehabbing. For Christ’s Sakes its ELBOW SURGERY. It’s not like he had open heart surgery. Just come back and enough of this crap. Seriously enough.

NO DISQUALIFICATION TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Rollins & Reigns © vs. Rhodes Brothers
The announcing is getting chippy. JBL “I’m getting punished by having to be with you two.” Cole: “You can leave. King and I were fine before you were here.” JBL: “Then that would be punishing the fans.” Cole ignored that line. HAHA. I appreciate Goldust wanted to honor the Susan Komen Foundation, but the pink gloves are hideous. Maybe pink face paint? That would be pretty cool. Goldust had the hot tag but now he’s being taken over by the Hounds of Justice. I like how Cody and Dustin are working each other’s moves into the equation. Ambrose finally gets involved and it turns into a handicap match. I’m waiting for a theme song to play. Goldust comes into the ring as Cody is being beat 3 on 1 and drops everybody with a chair. However Reigns gets control of the chair and is about to paste Goldust but Goldie ducks it and splashes Reigns onto it. There’s brawling everywhere. This has been a fun main event, one of the top 5 Raw matches of the year. Eventually Reigns spears Goldust through the barricade. Well there’s no theme song, as Big Show comes in through the crowd and over the barricade. He knocks all three Shield guys out, and Cody pins Reigns to win the tag team titles. The place is going crazy! WINNERS, AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Cody Rhodes & Goldust

Triple H runs into the ring absolutely livid as Big Show climbs back up the stairs through the crowd. Big Show starts a big YES YES YES chant as we go off the air.

SCOTT’S TAKE: A tremendous ending as the Shield finally lose their tag straps in a wonderful moment. I do like how Cole says Big Show repaid the debt to the Rhodes Family for knocking Dusty out a few weeks ago. The John Cena stuff is sickening. Fine he’s coming back. Too early I say, but do we need all the syrupy vignette packages?

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