March 31, 2010
Matt Peddycord
The Powerdriver Review

WWE Raw
March 29, 2010
Phoenix, AZ
US Airways Center

Tonight’s Guest Host: The main cast of ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’. Well, except for that John Cusack fellow who thinks he’s too cool for school.

They start off the show with the HBK-Taker highlight video set to music from the Titanic soundtrack.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler.

Out comes Batista. Let the ‘you tapped out’ chants begin! In between those chants and looking angry, he tells us all that it was a fluke and that he’s entitled to a rematch. The new WWE champ John Cena interrupts and while he rubs the defeat in Batista’s face, the crowd starts chanting “Cena sucks!”. THEY’VE TURNED ON HIM ALREADY! Cena decides to give Batista his rematch tonight, but Batista spites the fans and says “not tonight.” And they trade punches until Batista rolls out and stares back at the WWE champ. As Cena has all his attention on Batista, MR. MONEY IN THE BANK JACK SWAGGER runs in through the crowd and blasts Cena with the briefcase. There’s two mics in the ring, but Swagger grabs one from the ring announcer. He demands a referee to come to the ring PRONTO because he’s cashing in his briefcase. No ref, but he grabs Cena who trips him up to lock in the STF. Swagger slides out before that can happen and then decides against cashing in the briefcase once the ref gets to the ring because John Cena just took his shirt off. It’s serious business now. Swagger grabs his briefcase and goes home.

The Heartbreak Career: They show clips of Shawn’s debut match in the WWF with Marty Jannetty taking on the Jacques & Raymond Rougeau on 6-18-1988 in MSG.

Shawn Michaels Farewell: TONIGHT!

Ted DiBiase, Nick Bockwinkel, IRS, Pat Patterson, and Arn Anderson head out. Then Roddy Piper, Sgt. Slaughter, Ricky Steamboat, and Tony Garea get a separate entrance. Jerry Lawler leaves the announce table to join everybody else surrounding the ring. And now Rob Corddry and Clark Duke from Hot Tub Time Machine come out the tunnel to announce Batista & Jack Swagger will meet John Cena and a partner of his choosing tonight. Plus, there will be a hot tub match between them and the WWE divas. And you’re all invited! No, they’re just kidding. That would be stupid. So why are the legends hanging around the ring? Since their movie is all about the ’80s, they thought it would be cool to have a legends lumberjack match. ON WITH THE SHOW!

Ted DiBiase vs. Christian – Legends Lumberjack Match
This could be good, but don’t you think there’s a little conflict of interest with one of the lumberjacks and a certain wrestler? We JIP with Christian delivering a flying sunset flip for two. Christian tosses out DiBiase on the side where his daddy isn’t standing. Back in, DiBiase comes back with the Marufuji clothesline for two. Christian tries coming back with a tornado DDT, but DiBiase shoves him off for two. Christian ducks the Marufuji clothesline and drops DiBiase with the inverted DDT for two. Missile dropkick gets two. Christian heads up again, but DiBiase yanks him down and goes for DREAM STREET. Christian backs him into the corner to prevent the move from happening. DiBiase misses a corner charge and eats the kick through the ropes. Flying back elbow sets up the KILLSWITCH, but DiBiase counters with a back suplex. Christian flips out of that and they both get dumped on the floor. When all the lumberjacks come over to take care of business, they start beating on one another. Well, I’m marking out. Apparently DiBiase is marking out too as Christian surprises him with the KILLSWITCH for the 1-2-3. (3:27) And the babyface legends celebrate with Christian afterwards. Harmless fun. Father Ted tries to help his son up to his feet, but Ted Jr. doesn’t care for the sympathy. *½

The Heartbreak Career: The next clip they show is of the Barber Shop incident in January 1992.

They show highlights from the festivities that went down during WrestleMania week.

So Rob Corddry and Clark Duke have kept Craig Robinson (cast member from the movie) out of Phoenix to have this “hot tub match” with Tiffany, Rosa Mendes, and the Bella Twins. Whoever can stay in the hot tub the longest, is the winner and gets a Divas title match. BRILLIANT! If only that worked in real life.

Triple H comes out and talks about how much he loves Shawn. Apparently, Sheamus can’t stand Triple H’s voice and ends his speech with a lead pipe to the back of the head.

Eve Torres, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, & Beth Phoenix vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Vickie Guerrero
Maryse does her sexy pose and gets rolled up by Eve for the 1-2-3. (:19) It’s a good thing nobody takes this division seriously, because they would be PISSED right now. The good girls swarm Vickie Guerrero, which causes her girls to make the save only for the good girls to clean house. You can’t even call this a match.

The Heartbreak Career: The Shawn Michaels-Razor Ramon ladder match at WrestleMania 10.

Bret Hart is WALKING!

The Heartbreak Career: HBK vs. Bret Hart at WrestleMania 12.

Here comes Bret Hart. He congratulates Shawn Michaels for an EPIC career. He says he’s glad to have finally got the closure he needed – specifically getting the opportunity to beat the crap out of Vince. He can feel waves of high fives from heaven from Stu, Helen, Owen and Davey Boy for getting the Hart family together. “Owen” chants go up and Bret flashes his shirt which has Bret putting Owen in a brotherly headlock. He thought in the beginning of his WWE return that he might leave the WWE with a bad taste in his mouth, but now all he feels is joy and satisfaction. He thanks his fans for the last three months and as he starts to leave, the Big Show and Miz interrupt. Miz congratulates Bret on his win over Vince in a glorified 25-on-1 handicap match. You’re such a hero, Bret! Miz is tired of hearing about people screwing other people because its taking up valuable airtime that he could be using to talk about himself. He’s the US CHAMPION and one half of the UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Last night in his Miz’s first WrestleMania match, he won. That means he’s 1-0 and only 17 wins away from tying the Undertaker’s record. Don’t laugh because he is AWESOME. Miz calls Bret and the entire Hart family overrated. The most overrated there is, was, and ever will be. Miz tells Bret to get out of *his* ring before his fist gives Bret some closure. Why don’t you make him leave, Miz? Big Show pulls Miz back and asks Bret if he’s lost his mind. The Hart Dynasty head out to back up their uncle Bret. Since it’s four against two, ShowMiz decide to leave. Bret makes a challenge for the champs to take on the Hart Dynasty, but Big Show says this isn’t the time. Miz wants to teach the Harts a lesson though and convinces the Big Show to meet him in the ring. COMMERCIALS!

WWE Unified Tag Team Champions ShowMiz vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/Bret Hart & Natalya)
We JIP DH Smith hitting the Miz with a stalling suplex – just like his dad used to do. Smith clotheslines Miz out and then backdrops Tyson Kidd on top of the Miz. Back in, Tyson gets two. Miz slides out and back in for a tag to the Big Show. He slams Tyson down and tags Miz back in because he’s the one who wanted this match in the beginning. Miz hits his corner clothesline and when Tyson punches Miz back towards the Hart corner, Miz pushes Tyson back in for a tag from Show. He chops Tyson across the chest and cinches in on a deep chinlock. Miz tags himself in, but gets tossed away as Tyson makes the HOT TAG TO DH! SPRINGBOARD HART ATTACK to Miz! Tyson points over to Bret and clamps on the SHARPSHOOTER! As Miz inches to the ropes, Show comes over and asks him if he’s done trying to be a hotshot. He pulls Miz out to the floor and the tag champs take the countout loss to keep their titles. (4:43 shown) If you want to stay the tag champs, you better listen to the Big Show. The match certainly showed some promise for the future. **

The Heartbreak Career: They show various moments of the original DX and the PG-version of DX.

Back over at the hot tub, Rob Corddry asks for some gyrating and that creeps Tiffany and Rosa Mendes out to the point that they leave. Rob – “By creepy, do you mean sexy?” Craig Robinson interrupts VIA SATELLITE. He’s mad about his tickets getting screwed up, but just because he’s not in Phoenix doesn’t mean that he’s not the guest host. He announces the Bella Twins as winners of the hot tub match. And now for Clark and Rob’s next opponent, it’s Mark Henry! Yeah, he makes it work. Mark – “So tell me about Hollywood.” Rob screams out that something bit him and Hornswoggle pokes his head out of the water. Has that freak been in the water the whole time?

John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Batista & Jack Swagger
I love how Cena references Batista’s Evolution days with Randy Orton back in 2004, but seems to forget the YEAR LONG blood feud he and Orton just had in 2009. Randy gets a HUGE pop and I hope he sticks with this dark “viper” character that everyone seems to love. No trouble for Cena and Orton to start. Cena gives Swagger the release fisherman’s suplex and tags in Orton for the Garvin stomp. He drops the knee and set up for the RKO, but Swagger slides out before that can happen. After the commercial break, Cena is stuck in a gutwrench from Swagger. Cena powers out, but Swagger nails him with a back suplex for two. Running pump splash gets two. Batista tags in and Cena starts to fire back, but he runs right into a spinebuster to pop the crowd. Cena backdrops out of the BATISTA BOMB attempt and makes the HOT TAG TO ORTON! He hits Swagger with the Inverted Backbreaker and goes for the pinfall, but Batista makes the save. He stops Cena with a spear, but then stands up into an RKO! RKO to Swagger! Cover on Swagger, 1-2-3. (4:54 shown) Great finish and I think this solidifies Orton’s face turn. I mean, DANG. He has been pretty dominant the last few weeks. Still doesn’t do much for building up Swagger though. Cena and Orton exchange looks of respect to each other, but Orton still keeps his eyes on him as Cena walks away. **

The Heartbreak Career: Shawn Michaels-Undertaker from WrestleMania 25.

It’s time for the Shawn Michaels Farewell. Before Shawn gets started, the Undertaker comes out and tips his hat to him in a show of respect. In between the chants of ‘thank you Shawn’ and ‘please don’t go’, Michaels thanks the crowd because for the longest time, being in the ring and being with the WWE fans were the only thing that made feel good about himself. He thanks Triple H for being there for him when nobody else would be, he thanks the production crew, he thanks the commentators including the greatest ever in Jim Ross. He thanks the crazy red headed kid Adam in Stamford Connecticut who makes all the videos that are so incredibly awesome. The crowd starts chanting for one more match, but Shawn says he knows how people feel about retirement matches and he doesn’t want to go back on his word. He wants to honor what he said, but he’s going to make sure that ‘one more match’ doesn’t happen. He thanks Bret Hart for forgiving him and understanding, accepting, and believing the change in his life. He appreciates Bret for another chance at becoming someone he called ‘friend’ again. He doesn’t care if he gets in trouble for this, but he takes a moment to thank Vince McMahon because in the ’90s, Vince is the only guy he drove crazier than Bret. He thanks Vince for not allowing him to make more mistakes than he had made. If it wasn’t for Vince’s patience, he wouldn’t be here today. And of course, he thanks the fans again for the honor and the privilege to come out here and show off in front of them every night of his life. He thanks his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for saving him. To Rebecca and his kids, daddy is coming home. And he finishes just as he started. Ladies and gentlemen, the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels has left the building. Shawn shakes hands with the fans at ringside while the middle aged women cry throughout the audience. Triple H meets Shawn at the ramp for a bromance hug and then lays the DX glow sticks at their feet. He leaves as Shawn gives one last wave to the crowd and then we fade to black.

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