April 24, 2009
Matt Peddycord

WWF Monday Night Raw
March 4, 1996
Cincinnati, OH
Cincinnati Gardens
(Taped on 2/19/96)

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Bret Hart (11/19/1995)
Intercontinental Champion: Goldust (1/21/1996)
World Tag Team Champions: Vacant (2/15/1996)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler.

Shawn Michaels vs. The 1-2-3 Kid (w/Ted DiBiase)
And immediately, we start off the show with a match! Kid tries to shotgun HBK during his pre-match dance, but Shawn sidesteps the charge and throws the Kid over the top rope to the floor and continues doing what he was doing. Once they do lock up, Kid grabs a headlock. Shawn escapes into a spinning heel kick, but then he armdrags the Kid around and gives the Kid a press slam to send him out to the floor. Bret Hart joins us from the back to put over Shawn, himself, and their upcoming Ironman match at WrestleMania XII. Back in, HBK catches Kid with a powerslam for two. Now it’s Kid fighting out of a headlock, who then nails HBK with a jumping heel kick to the head to freak out McMahon. Kid dropkicks Shawn to the floor and follows him out with a springboard plancha. That leaves Shawn laying as DiBiase walks by and puts the boots to him. He doesn’t want to see Shawn get hurt here, because they’re friends. Ahem. Back in, Kid gives HBK the three kick combo in the corner and continues with a running corner dropkick as we go to break. We come back to see Kid still in control with a sliding legdrop. Shawn fights out of a chinlock and begins his comeback. Moonsault Press connects, followed by a Flying Forearm. He hits the Flying Elbow Drop and warms up the band. Kid avoids the SWEET CHIN MUSIC and baits Shawn around the ring to stomp him on their way back inside. Nice. Kid heads up top, but misses the Flying Legdrop! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! That’ll do. (10:08 shown) Good little match. The Kliq always worked harder with each other than with anybody else at the time. ***¼

Goldust in “Piper’s Pit”: Goldust cuts a promo on Roddy Piper from his own Piper’s Pit set. He wears a kilt and talks about how when Piper smashed the coconut over Jimmy Snuka’s head, he erupted with pleasure. Gross. He admits to being a fan of Piper’s movie They Live, but he’ll never be the greatest actor like Goldust is. He leaves us with a few blows on the bag pipes, which of course he treats like he’s sucking on a finger. So weird and maniacal, but boy would it make you want to beat him up if he were talking about you.

Vince does the voiceover to advertise the return of the Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania XII. He makes sure to tell us that Warrior defeated both the “so called immortal” Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage at WrestleMania 6 and 7.

Next week on Monday Night Raw, Yokozuna and the Undertaker join forces to take on Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith!

Justin Hawk Bradshaw (w/Uncle Zebekiah) vs. Hakushi
Looks like this is Hakushi’s last match in the WWF. Bradshaw thinks he’s the second coming of Stan Hansen at this point - even taking on his hand signal and trademark yell to the crowd. Nothing match as Bradshaw sadly just destroys Hakushi. Acting WWF President Roddy Piper talks us to Vince and King on the phone. He’s going to be at Raw next week to tell us all who Warrior’s WrestleMania XII opponent will be and if Goldust wants to confront him, he can do so next week. Bradshaw wins with a LARIAT. (4:13) After the match, Hakushi gets hogtied and branded by Uncle Zeb. You know, it’s really sad to see Hakushi go out like this, but that’s the wrestling biz for you. ½*

Mankind talks to us from whatever cave he’s sitting in. Probably not too far from the Dungeon of Doom, I bet. Like usual, he talks about his HORRIBLE childhood that made him the way he is. No one will have a nice day.

WWF World Champion Bret Hart vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Emerald Hart)
Another week, another blonde for HHH. Of course with her last name Hart, it gives Jerry Lawler a chance to make some jokes. Hunter fights dirty to start until he runs into a knee in the corner. Bret fires back with a flying clothesline and grabs an overhead wristlock as Shawn Michaels brings a chair with him to sit down and watch the match as we go to break. After some commercials, Bret still has Hunter down in a hammerlock. Helmsley fights out and dumps Bret to frustrate him a little bit. Bret spots Shawn and tells him to go back to the dressing room, but then Shawn tips him off about Hunter trying to double-sledge from the apron. See, it’s still a very friendly contest between these two. It’s not 1997 yet. With Shawn’s help, Bret sees it coming and nails HHH in the gut on the way down. Back in, Bret reverts back to the armbar. Helmsley fights out and hits a High Knee. He follows up by beating the crap out of Bret down into the corner. He whips Bret back and forth in between the corners and hits a suplex. Knee drop gets two as we have another commercial break. We come back to see Hunter eat a boot as he comes off the middle rope. HERE COMES BRET! Backbreaker and a Flying Vertical Elbow Drop gets two. Hunter gets an O’Connor Roll for two, but Bret kicks him off through the ropes. Back in again, Hunter begs off and suckers Bret into the corner. He comes off the middle rope, but Bret catches him for the SHARPSHOOTER to earn the submission victory. (9:43 shown) Decent main event. Shawn takes his chair and goes home as Bret celebrates in the ring. **½

TeeVee Trivia with Billionaire Ted and Candy: During this skit, Ted and Candy are on a game show where they have to answer who made certain ridiculous, racist, and misogynistic quotes. Supposedly these quotes are all things Ted Turner has said in the past. Ted misses every question, only for Candy to say the words Billionaire Ted while she’s talking to him to be awarded points. We see the Nacho Man off-stage giving the thumbs up. When he loses, Billionaire Ted claims he owns this network and pulls the plug on the show. AND WE OUT!

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