April 11, 2006
Matt Peddycord

WWE Raw
April 3, 2006
Chicago, IL
All-State Arena

Your Hosts are Joey Styles, King and Coach!

Well what do you know? The first thing we hear is the last thing we heard at WrestleMania! It’s John Cena’s entrance music! The crowd boos him out of the building, but he sticks it to them by showing everyone that he’s still got the belt. He lets us everybody that the champ is still here. He says being a fighting champion is what the WWE championship is all about, not trying to be popular with the fans. You must overcome all the odds, meet every challenge head-on, and evidently use every cliché possible. Triple H’s music hits! Hunter comes down and tells Cena he’s pissed off at himself because he underestimated him just like every other one of Cena’s opponents. H lets him know that it won’t happen again, so he wants another title shot. Edge and Lita come down because they are NOT cool with that! Edge tells H that once you lose, you go to the back of the line to let somebody else have a try. Edge thinks he should get a shot because he remained perfect at ‘Mania. Triple H could care less about Edge’s record and reminds Edge that he’s never main-evented WrestleMania. He tells Edge to go to the back and hang out with the other curtain-jerkers while the main event guys handle business. Funny sign: Edge is Rated G for Gay! Did you see what that kid did there? Genius! These two continue their battle of the zingers and the burns and eventually Cena is like, “Hey guys! I’m still here!” He proposes that Edge and Triple H have a match, and the winner gets a title shot. Edge says he’s too beaten up to wrestle one-on-one tonight, so he decides on a handicap match with him and Hunter taking on Cena. Cena agrees so I guess it’s on!

World Tag Team Champions Kane & Big Show vs. Kenny & Mikey

Mikey starts out with Kane. He tries some of that cheerleading crap and gets his face beat! Kenny gets tossed in and pressed onto Mikey. Side-slam sets up the top-rope clothesline. Kane calls for the CHOKESLAM and that’s when the rest of the squad interferes. Kane misses a charge in the corner and rams his shoulder into the steel ring post. Kenny and Mikey tag in and out and work on Kane’s hurt shoulder. Kane fights back and tags in Show. He cleans house but the ref gets nailed. The Spirit Squad interferes and puts Show down to set up the GUILLOTINE LEG DROP from Kenny. He covers Show and gets the three count! Wow. We have new tag team champions. (3:54) What an upsetting upset. ½*

Maria introduces the new tag champs in the back. They totally ignore Maria and do an insane cheer.

Styles announces that WWE.com got 35 million hits last night that set a new record! Ok, I admit it. I hit reload a couple million times last night because I have no life and nothing better to do. Please forgive me. Alright, I hit it thirty million times. You happy now?

Rob Van Dam comes out and adopts the nickname “Mr. Money in the Bank”. He says he’s not going to wait forever to use his title shot, because he has no reason to be like Edge and take a shortcut. He mentions that this title shot could not have happened at a better time. This title shot is so important, it’s EXTREME! Huh?

WWE Slam of the Week is brought to you by Lucky Number Slevin! We catch Kane taking care of Carlito & Masters from last night!

Chris Masters vs. Unnamed Jobber

This ends quickly with the MASTERLOCK. (:50) CRAP. Here comes Carlito! He comes down to the ring and stares at Masters while eating several bites of an apple. Just when you think he’s going to spit in Masters’ face, he spits it in the jobber’s face! They act like everything is cool, but that’s when Carlito gives Masters a LUNG BLOWER! They roll Carlito an apple, but he throws it back down and just straight-up SPITS on Masters!

Man, that WrestleMania Rundown video makes it almost unnecessary to buy the replay. They show everything good in it.

Here comes Shawn Michaels in a suit and tie. Shawn tells us that he’s completely satisfied with his match with Vince. Now that it’s over, he’s ready to move on bigger things. Since the popular thing to do is to want to beat up John Cena, he makes the challenge. That cues Shane McMahon. Michaels introduces Shane as the newest member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My *ahem* Club! Shane blows it off and brings out Vince McMahon. He comes out in a neckbrace AND a sad face. He explains to Shawn about all the trauma he’s put his family through in the last 24 hours. Vince says there’s no chance in hell of HBK getting a title shot. Vince has two words for Shawn, so Shawn and the Chicago crowd have two words for Vince. I don’t think I need to tell you what they are. Vince’s two words are “divine intervention”. He goes on to say Michaels was teaming up with God last night and that it was unfair. He makes a match with Shane & himself vs. Shawn Michaels & God for Backlash. Shawn tells Vince he’s finally gone completely insane. I tend to agree. WWE Rewind is brought to you by Bowflex! We get stills from Mickie/Trish from last night.

Trish Stratus & Torrie (w/Chloe) vs. Candice and Mickie James

Mickie comes down with her hair colored and styled just like Trish! She’s even wearing one of Trish’s outfits. I love Mickie! Candice starts out with Trish and that proves to be a disaster. After the whirlybird headscissors, Trish tags in Torrie. Candice gets shoved down and tags in Mickie. Mickie kicks Trish off the apron and finishes Torrie off with the MICK KICK. (1:30) Mickie ~ “I’m the CHAMPIONNNNnNNN!”

Chavo Guerrero comes out to thank the fans for their support. He congratulates his “family member” Rey Mysterio for winning the World Title. Tonight, he challenges Shelton Benjamin for the IC title. He dedicates this match to Eddie.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. Chavo Guerrero

Coach completely discredits Chavo like he’s a no-talent jobber by saying there is no way he could possibly beat the champ. Shelton slaps Chavo around in the corner. That fires Chavo up! He comes at Shelton with repeated forearms. He stomps a mudhole on Shelton in the corner but whiffs on a dropkick. Shelton attempts to dump Chavo but he lands on the apron. Chavo leans in for a shoulder thrust, but Shelton moves and kicks Chavo in the face. Out on the floor, Shelton drops Chavo onto the apron before going back into the ring. Shelton covers for two. Chavo elbows out of a chinlock and catches Shelton with a beautiful dropkick. Chavo hits a backdrop and follows up with a flying forearm. Shelton misses the Stinger Splash and goes down to a headscissors takedown. Three Amigos for Shelton! Chavo goes up top, but he takes up too much time playing to the crowd. He misses the FROGSPLASH and goes down to the EXPLODER. Shelton covers for three. (5:00) As Chavo goes to the back, he appears to be very disappointed in himself. **

WWE 24/7 presents This Week in Wrestling History. April 2, 1989 – NWA World Champion Ricky Steamboat vs. Ric Flair at Clash of the Champions 6 in New Orleans. Wonder why they didn’t choose anything from WrestleMania 5? Not that I’m complaining, but this is WWE.

In the back, we see Todd Grisham standing by with Chavo Guerrero. He’s still pretty distraught over his loss and mentions that he let everybody down. He decides it’s time for him to quit wrestling.

WOOO! Here comes Ric Flair! He and Chicago get along SO well! He lets us know that even though he lost the Money in the Bank ladder match last night; his desire for a 17th World Title reign is still strong. He’s soon interrupted by a Cuban drug lord looking guy named Armando Alejandro Estrada. His name sounds like he’s a relief pitcher for the New York Mets. He calls Flair old and that America needs a new hero. Flair stops him while he’s sucking and tells him that he better recognize. Before Flair can say anything else, Armando tells him to shut up. Flair responds and takes off his jacket. You know that when you can get a reaction from the crowd just simply by taking off your jacket, you’re the man. Flair tells Armando to bring out whoever it is he’s talking about to see what he’s got. Ladies and gentlemen, here comes Umaga. He looks like the third Headshrinker. Actually, it’s just Jamal dressed up as an island savage. Umaga chokes Flair down in the corner and gives him a spinning rack neckbreaker like Albert used to do. That’s odd, I didn’t realize 2006 was crying out for an island savage.

Triple H & Edge (w/Lita) vs. John Cena – non-title handicap match

Before the match, H told Edge to do most of the work while he sits in the corner and Edge agrees to it. Cena backs Edge into the corner and slaps him on his pin cushion of a back. HHH tells Edge get up and go get Cena. Lita trips up Cena off a whip and that allows Edge to take back control. “Cena Sucks” chants. Cena dumps Edge and motions at Triple H to bring it. He keeps Cena distracted long enough for Edge to nail him from behind. H decides to head back up on the turnbuckle. Edge slides out of an FU attempt and delivers an EDGECUTION for two! All three announcers fail to call it. Double-clothesline! That brings H off the turnbuckle to sneak up from behind Cena, but Edge is up and goes for the SPEAR! Cena avoids it and Edge nails Triple H! Edge could care less! He turns around and takes Cena’s usual offense. H comes by and joins in on the beatdown of Edge. Spinebuster from H sets up the Five Knuckle Shuffle! Cena comes off the ropes, but H is there to cut him off and deliver the PEDIGREE! (5:04) H gloats for a bit for the Chicago crowd. Meanwhile Cena can’t believe he just got pinned. *½

Final Thoughts: We have new tag champions, a face turn, and a new character. The only thing interesting was the Carlito face turn. I also like Edge being closer to the main event, but it’s going to be meaningless if he’s used as a third wheel in this feud. At least it appears as though they have a plan for the next month.

wordpress stats plugin