March 22, 2009
Scott Criscuolo

Friday Night Smackdown!
500th Episode
March 20, 2009
Corpus Christi, Texas
Jim Ross and Tazz

We start with a recap of last week’s Raw and Triple H going after Legacy, including the lowering of a steel cage and Cody Rhodes’ decimation at the hands of the Game.

We go straight to the arena and it’s TIME TO PLAY THE GAME. Out comes the WWE Champion ready to fight. JR welcomes us to the 500th episode of Smackdown! Tonight Shawn Michaels will take on Kane and Undertaker will go one on one with the Intercontinental Champion, JBL. We begin with some unfinished business.

WWE Champion Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov
Triple H takes the mike and says the worst kept secret in this business is that Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are really married. They tried to keep it a secret for the sake of the business but really everybody knew. The whole world knew. He knows the fans knew. Trips says Randy Orton knew, and he should have known not to do what he did. Triple H said he let it slide when Orton kicked Vince and Shane in the head. They’re grown men, they can take care of themselves. Triple H says when Orton RKO’ed his wife, well that’s not allowed. He says Orton should have known better. He says Orton played the card anyway, then hid behind lawyers and doctors and mental conditions. Triple H says Orton does have a disease and its called cowardess. He says it runs rampant in Orton. He says Orton has run from every challenge he’s ever faced. Triple H says the running stops at Wrestlemania. There will be no place to run or hide. Orton says at Wrestlemania there will be no running or hiding, just the two of them. Triple H says Orton better pray to God that he’s as good as he thinks he is. Triple H says Orton says he has a disease. Triple H says Orton is the disease. Triple H says he is the cure. BRING ME A STEAMING BOWL! Out comes the Moscow Mauler. They lock up and Koslov pushes into the corner and hits a low knee and some punches but HHH punches out of it. Kozlov with a shoulder block. Kozlov charges and Triple H pulls the rope down and Kozlov goes flying onto the floor. Kozlov comes back in, misses a clothesline and gets clotheslined by Triple H to the floor. Kozlov is seething as we go to break. We return and Triple H has a Figure Four on Kozlov but the Russian gets to the ropes. Kozlov rams him to the ground and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Some forearm shots and shoulder blocks follow. Kozlov with a fallaway slam for 2. Kozlov with a waist lock, for a minute or so. Triple H breaks it but Kozlov with a forearm, then into a bear hug. Triple H punches out of it and hits his facebuster knee drop. Into the corner and HHH with 2 clotheslines and a neckbreaker for 2. Triple H with some right hands, but Kozlov with a whip into the corner but misses the charge. Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Kozlov back drops out of it. Kozlov charges but walks into the Double-A spinebuster. Triple H goes for the Pedigree and this time drills it for the 3 count. WINNER: Triple H (Grade: 2)

-We go back to last Monday and the Edge/Big Show/Vickie soap opera. Edge, Big Show and John Cena are in the house tonight.

-Tonight’s Wrestlemania moment takes us back 2 years to Wrestlemania 23 at Ford Field. Undertaker defeated Batista for the World Title, and John Cena outlasted Shawn Michaels to retain the WWE Title. Of course we’re most remembered for Vince McMahon having his million dollar quaff shaved when Bobby Lashley defeated Umaga.

US Championship: Shelton Benjamin © vs. MVP
They lock up and Benjamin with some boots in the corner. More Shelton kicks to the ribs. MVP is lifted and flapjacked into the turnbuckle, then clotheslined on the top rope for 2. Very aggressive Gold Standard early. Benjamin with a modified Abdominal Stretch but MVP hip tossed out of it. MVP off the ropes but Shelton with a low knee. Benjamin with forearm shots, but then backs up and misses a splash. He hops on the second turnbuckle to avoid damage but walks into a body toss by Montel. MVP with right hands and reverse elbows, and a power slam. He whips Benjamin off the ropes and hits a big boot for 2. MVP with a double thrust and a knee drop. MVP with his now Rock-esque “Ballin’ Elbow” for 2. Shelton goes for a spin kick but misses, then MVP gets a suplex reversed into a Benjamin neckbreaker for 2. Benjamin with some kicks but MVP with a backslide and an almost 3 count. MVP with a roll-up for 2, but Shelton with a quick backbreaker and T-Bone for 2. Benjamin in waiting charges but MVP sidesteps and Shelton hits the ropes. MVP hits the Playmaker and with the 3 count becomes a 2-time US Champion. From 25 straight match losses to the new US Champion. WINNER AND NEW WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPION: MVP (Grade: 3)

-We have a trailer for 12 Rounds, focusing on Miles Jackson.

-We return from break backstage with Vickie scolding Edge for spearing Big Show last week. Edge says its all one big perverted package to him, and he recaps all the putrid details of the past couple of weeks. He says Big Show is DONE AND DONE.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane
It’s a pleasure to get to report a rare Smackdown match for the Heartbreak Kid. They lock up and HBK with some shops and forearms. Kane whips HBK into the ropes and goes for a slam but HBK bounces out of it and more right hands and chops. Kane with a clothesline but misses a chop. HBK with a chop block and right hands. He backs up and walks into an uppercut. Kane works HBK over in the corner with turnbuckle shots and right hands. Kane chokes in the corner with his boot, but when Kane backs up Shawn with boots to the gut but Kane with a clothesline. HBK with a reverse elbow and some chops. Kane whips HBK in the corner and he flips over and hits the floor. Michaels is down as we go to break. We return and Kane with a clothesline in the corner for 2. Kane with a hammerlock throws HBK’s shoulder into the turnbuckle. Kane works the left arm over with some kicks and an armbar. HBK to his feet and he tries to punch out of it and gets a whip into the ropes but Kane with a kick. HBK down and Kane with a low drop kick for 2. Kane goes back to the armbar. This goes on for a minute or so. HBK breaks it with a knee to the back but Kane with a boot to the head. Kane whips HBK into the corner but gets a boot. Michaels with forearms and chops, followed by a neckbreaker off the ropes. HBK with two more chops and his patented flying forearm. HBK waits a moment to nip up, but Kane gets him by the throat for the chokeslam but HBK with a reverse Atomic Drop gets out of it, hits a clothesline, then goes to the top rope and goes in the air for the elbow drop but Kane lifts his knee and whacks HBK in the arm. Kane gets up first and goes to the top to hit his rolling clothesline. Kane prepares for another chokeslam by holding his hand up, but HBK gets up and out of nowhere hits Sweet Chin Music and gets the 3 count. WINNER: Shawn Michaels (Grade: 2.5)

-Backstage and Vickie is begging Big Show not to do something. Show says Vickie’s pathetic husband couldn’t handle John Cena alone last week and went out to help, but not for him. He did it for her. Show says after Edge spears him, he can’t let it go. Vickie says if they both care about her they’ll let it go. Show says it’s too late for that now.

-Back in Texas and JR announces that the brother vs. brother match between Jeff and Matt Hardy at Wrestlemania will now be under “Extreme Rules”.

Extreme Rules match: Jeff Hardy vs. The Brian Kendrick
Wow Kendrick doesn’t even get an introduction, as he’s already in the ring. We start with Jeff drop kicking Ezekiel Jackson out of the ring, which gives Kendrick a chance to pounce with right hands. Jeff pushes away and drop kicks Zeke again. He pitches Kendrick out, then planchas over the ropes onto Jackson. Jeff goes after Kendrick but Zeke comes from behind, grabs Jeff and throws him hard into the barricade. Zeke walks over to check on Kendrick, which gives Jeff a chance to grab a steel chair and beat the crap out of Zeke with multiple chair shots. Jeff chases Kendrick with the chair and Kendrick gets in the ring. As Jeff follows him into the ring Kendrick kicks Jeff square in the head. Kendrick with punches, and then throws Jeff into the corner. Kendrick clears the chair out, but misses the blind charge. Jeff gets the chair, throws it at Kendrick, then opens it up and does his flying leg sweep with it. Jeff then grabs Kendrick’s head and smacks it into the open chair seat multiple times. Jeff flapjacks Kendrick, then hits a Twist of Fate on the open steel chair. Kendrick’s almost out, and with a Swanton to finish, Jeff gets the 3 count. Just a wicked beatdown as Jeff is preparing himself for his brother on April 5. WINNER: Jeff Hardy (Grade: 2)

-Wrestlemania is April 5 in Houston, as AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill” plays over a montage. JR then announces the final (in all likelihood) members of the HOF Class of 2009: The Von Erich Family, Texas’ first family, and the foundation of World Class Championship Wrestling. They’ll be inducted by former Von Erich adversary Michael “PS” Hayes. From there another trailer for “12 Rounds”, out March 27.

The Undertaker vs. Intercontinental Champion John “Bradshaw” Layfield
Taker gets in the ring and has a mike. He says to Shawn Michaels that make no mistake about it. HBK is the prey, and the Deadman is the Hunter. Taker says when HBK leasts expects it, he will feel the wrath of the Undertaker. JR has just announced that JBL has accepted Rey Mysterio’s challenge for an Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania. Taker with some quick punches to start. JBL starts punching back until the ref separates him. Taker grabs him, throws him in the corner and starts throwing soupbones again. Head butt by Taker and a slam into the turnbuckle. Taker starts working over JBL’s left arm. Taker tries to go Old School but JBL with a punch to the ribs. Taker whips JBL into the ropes and hits a big boot for 2. Taker continues to work as we go to break. We return and Taker hits his apron guillotine leg drop. Both men are outside and Taker whips JBL into the barricade. Taker breaks the count but goes for a big boot and JBL ducks out of the way, and Taker is hung up. JBL starts throwing rights, then both men get back in the ring. JBL grabs Taker’s left leg and starts working it over with elbows and grapples. Taker tries to break out of it with elbows and succeeds. JBL kicks back and chop blocks the leg. JBL wraps the leg around the ropes and starts punting it. JBL keeps working the leg and wraps a Figure-Four. JBL throws rights but Taker grabs JBL’s throat to break it. JBL ducks a clothesline and chop blocks the leg for 2. JBL keeps on the left lef with kicks but Taker with punches but JBL keeps on the leg. More punches from both men, then Taker hits Snake Eyes and a boot to the head. A leg drop from the Deadman for 2. Taker grabs JBL’s throat but JBL punts out and hits the Clothesline from Hell, but Taker kicks out of it at 2. JBL bends over, and that opens it up for Taker, who cranks the Devil’s Gate. JBL holds for a few moments, but eventually taps out. WINNER: Undertaker (Grade: 2.5)

-We see Edge and Big Show walk down separate hallways, and they will meet in the ring, NEXT!!!

-We return from break with our final segment and the Big Show’s music cranks up. Big Show grabs the mike, says he’s tired of this. He says to Edge to stop being a coward, grow some heart and let’s deal with this like men. Edge’s music cranks, and out comes the World Heavyweight Champion. Edge is decked out with purple tights tonight which is pretty cool. Edge won’t get in the ring, but grabs a mike. He then gets in the ring, and they start screaming at each other. Vickie Guerrero then comes down and tells them to stop fighting. Vickie says the both of them are in a difficult situation. She says they had a big part of this mess. Vickie says it’s a difficult situation, as she’s in love with both of them. Edge tells her she’s ridiculous, and Show tells him not to talk to her like that. They keep screaming and Vickie stops them. She says at Wrestlemania, the winner of the match will not only be the Champion of the World, but the Champion of her heart. Until then, Vickie says let’s stop the bickering and shake hands. Show extends his hand, and Edge takes it. Then, the music cranks, and THE CHAMP (or former champ) is HERE!!!! Out comes John Cena and the place is nuts. Cena tells them to stop the music. Cena says before the deal-makers relax, remember that there is a third party in this Championship match at Wrestlemania. Cena says he wants nothing to do with Vickie’s heart, head, or handles. Cena says from this perspective this truce is nauseating. Hell folks, Cena says this is the 500th episode of Smackdown! Cena says for the WWE Universe, these two clowns are shaking hands and having fun. Cena says wow, happy 500th. Cena says wow, this is awesome tv. Cena tells Edge that his wife and Big Show have done things that no person should ever speak of. Cena tells Edge that all he’s doing is playing scared and not doing it. Cena says Big Show shouldn’t be smiling, but he came out on Raw to help Edge take him out, then Edge speared him. Cena says what gets him is that at the 25th Anniversary of Wrestlemania, the stage where legends are made is more than just a triple threat World Heavyweight Title match, its for Vickie’s infection, oops he means affections. Cena says actually he’s right, it was infections. Edge cuts him off, because he says Vickie’s love is worth fighting for. Edge and Big Show start comparing intimate Vickie moments. Big Show says if Vickie doesn’t stop this, Edge won’t make it to Wrestlemania. Edge and Show start jawing and Show grabs Edge by the throat. Vickie tries to break it up and Show pushes her to the canvas. Show helps her up, but Edge tries to spear Show. He ducks out of the way and he spears Vickie instead. Edge tries to help but Show throws her out of the way. Show picks her up but Edge grabs her. Show grabs her back, so when he turns around Edge chop blocks Show legs and he falls, but he drops Vickie too. Edge blames Show for dropping her, so Show drops Edge with a chokeslam. Edge is out, and Show carries Vickie to the back as we go off the air. Nice job of Cena to stir the shit in this segment, but the goofiness of the last couple of minutes ruined it.

FINAL GRADE: B

MVP: MVP
Runner Up: Jeff Hardy
Non MVP: Shelton Benjamin
Runner Up: JBL

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