May 8, 2006
May 5, 2006
US Bank Arena
With the announcement of MNM vs. London and Kendrick for this week’s Smackdown, WWE suckered me into watching like a fish chomping on a tasty lure to only find out my mouth is caught on a HOOK! Well maybe it’s not THAT bad. Anyways, I know this is a couple days behind but so is reviewing SummerSlam 1989.
¡Sus anfitriones son Coles de Michael y Tazz! ¡FELIZ CINCO DE MAYO! ¡Permite obtener malgastado, los amigos! Ha, you don’t know what I just said.
We kick things off with the 170-pound World Heavyweight Champion Rey Mysterio! Rey tells us how blessed he is to be the World HEAVYWEIGHT Champion. He couldn’t be any more right! JBL interrupts this going-absolutely-nowhere segment and reminds us all that Mexicans are bottom-feeders and Caucasians like him are better. Rey gets the big head and tells JBL he’ll take on anybody. So JBL brings out Rey’s next opponent, Mark Henry! Henry gets his chest all up in Rey’s face! Tonight’s main event, Rey vs. Henry in a non-title match!
Tonight, Benoit and Finlay will go at it in the final KOTR opening round match!
Booker T (w/Sharmell) vs. Gunner Scott
For some reason, they have the KOTR throne already set up beside the entryway like the finals are tonight. Booker tries it out and likes how it feels! I can see King Booker and Queen Sharmell. This is actually a rematch from four weeks ago on the post-Mania Smackdown show where Booker got distracted by Boogeyman’s music. That led to Gunner rolling him up for the surprise win. Gunner chops Booker in the corner to start to show him he’s not messing around. Booker knocks Gunner down with a shoulderblock but takes a drop toe hold. Booker elbows out of a hammerlock and chops away on Gunner in the corner. Gunner comes back with Benoit-like chops, but gets cut off with a hotshot. Gunner baits Booker in as he tries for an axe kick, but nails Booker with a back elbow as he comes off the ropes. Booker reverses a whip and attempts a Harlem side kick, but Gunner ducks and drops Booker with a Benoit double-arm knockdown. Gunner gives Booker a pair of snap suplexes for two. Booker retaliates with a hook kick. Gunner comes back with the same type rollup he beat Booker with back on April 7, but it only gets two. Sharmell distracts Gunner by grabbing his leg, allowing Booker to catch him with a superkick. That sets up the SCISSORS KICK and we are done. (5:20) I like the Gunner/Benoit deal. We’ll never see Dynamite/Benoit together, so this could make up for it. As long as this isn’t all fabricated and it’s for real (no pun intended), I hope this protégé stuff with them goes places. Post-match, Booker grabs a mic and stands on top of the announce table to address his subjects. He says Finlay or Benoit; he’ll beat either one of them with his hand tied behind his back. Hey, you forgot Lashley! He tells us to get used to bowing down to Booker T! ALL HAIL KING BOOKER! Sucka.
WWE Slam of the Week is brought to you by Tomb Raider: Legend! Melina and Jillian Hall get in a makeup fight!
WWE Tag Team Champions MNM (w/Melina) vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick
London & Kendrick get distracted by Melina’s entrance (who can blame them) so that Nitro and Mercury can sneak attack them from behind! SNAPSHOTS for everybody! No match. Now that I think about it, it’s a good move. They probably would’ve given Kendrick and London the belts only to return them right back in a rematch at Judgment Day. Maybe this means a PPV tag title switch? Guess we’ll have to wait and see! Hit MNM’s music!
Next up, we get a special video presentation of Tatanka. They show him going through different Lakota tribe rituals. It’s about as stereotypical as the character. I just don’t know if Tatanka the American Indian Warrior is going to work in 2006 or not.
Finlay vs. Chris Benoit – KOTR Opening Round Match
Benoit and Finlay go through their usual to start. They go to the mat as Benoit has the advantage. Benoit tries to get Finlay in a cross armbreaker position, but Finlay reaches the bottom rope. Finlay puts Benoit down with a short-arm clothesline, but Benoit comes back with an Indian deathlock. Nice touch as Finlay grabs the bottom rope, Benoit keeps the hold applied until the four-count. Finlay goes to the eyes and sends Benoit shoulder-first into the ringpost. Finlay hooks on an armbar, but Benoit trips him up and goes for the SHARPSHOOTER. Finlay rolls out and baits Benoit out onto the floor. Finlay puts Benoit back on the apron and covers up his face with the apron skirt and then punches the daylights out of Benoit! Back in, Finlay goes back to working on the shoulder. Benoit trips him up again and tries for the SHARPSHOOTER once more, but Finlay punches out before Benoit can turn him over. Finlay lays in more punches and it appears Benoit is cut. Finlay covers for two. Benoit comes alive and grabs Finlay by the arm. He tries to power him down into the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE, but Finlay fights it off. Finlay tries for another short-arm clothesline, but Benoit ducks and delivers a German. Benoit chops Finlay out of the ring. Finlay is PISSED! He tosses a bunch of chairs into the ring as we go to a break. We come back to Benoit chopping the bejesus out of Finlay. Benoit gives Finlay a snap suplex for a pair of twos. Finlay begs off as Benoit keeps on with the chops. Just as it looks Benoit is in total control, Finlay reverses a whip that sends Benoit into the corner chest first. Finlay covers for two. Benoit fights out of a chinlock on three different occasions, but Finlay shortly takes back over and returns to the hold. On the third time, Finlay charges at Benoit in the corner and runs shoulder-first into the ringpost. HAT TRICK O’ GERMANS! Benoit goes up for the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT, but nobody home. Finlay grabs the shillelagh and runs at Benoit but gets dumped to the floor. Finlay gets nailed on the apron and drops the shillelagh in the ring. As referee Jimmy Koderas goes to the other side of the ring to dispose of it, Finlay grabs a chair and jabs into Benoit’s throat! Finlay scoots back in and delivers the CELTIC CROSS to Benoit to eliminate him from the tournament. (20:15) It’s something different and I do like Finlay. The winner of Finlay vs. Lashley meets Booker T in the KOTR finals. ***½
Foley vs. Edge! WrestleMania rematch! Raw! Live! Next week!
The Gymini (w/Simon Dean) vs. Scotty 2 Hotty & Funaki
Nothing more than a muscle head tag team squash match. One of the Gymini guys gets an OK looking head and arm suplex on Scotty. It’s sad because even Cole & Tazz can’t tell these two apart so what’s the point. Scotty takes the CRASH DIET, which is just a double-team slam, for the win. (3:24) Since there will soon be no more Velocity, I guess we better get used to these matches. ½*
We get a special look at Kane’s “See No Evil” movie that comes out May 19. Even if I liked Kane, I wouldn’t see this movie. I’m just not a horror buff at all.
In the back, Lashley barges into Booker & Sharmell’s dressing room to let Booker know that he better recognize.
Nunzio (w/Vito) vs. Kid Kash vs. Super Crazy – #1 contender’s match for the CW title at Judgment Day
Where’s Psicosis? Nunzio and Kash work together against Crazy to start. That doesn’t work out too well, as Crazy takes them both out. Crazy springs off the ropes with a dropkick to Nunzio and then catches Kash with the same. Crazy charges at Nunzio in the corner, but eats a boot. That sets up the SICILIAN SLICE for two! Kash surprises Nunzio with a rollup for two. Nunzio and Kash return to the original plan. Crazy dumps them both out to the floor and delivers a TOP ROPE MOONSAULT! He takes out everybody including Vito! That cues The Great Khali. He slowly walks down to ringside (Cole: “Khali is making a beeline for the ring!”) and destroys everybody in sight. He even tosses Kash into the third row! This match is over. Daivari comes down and poses with the monster.
Raw Rebound shows us the Cena vs. Kenny match from last Monday! The return of DX is approaching, people.
World Heavyweight Champion Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry – non-title match
JBL joins Cole & Tazz on commentary. Rey goes with the hit-and-run strategy to start. Rey hammers away on Henry while he’s stands on the apron, but it doesn’t phase him. As Rey gets tossed out to the floor, JBL leaves the table to go and cheer on Henry. Rey gets back in the ring and hears JBL’s big mouth. JBL turns his back on Rey, so he dropkicks him onto the announce table. Cole ~ “Take that, JBL! Take that!” Henry swats away a quebrada and walks across Rey’s ribs. Rey uses his speed to take control of the match by evading several corner charges by Henry. La Silla connects and takes Henry off his feet! Yeah OK! Undertaker couldn’t take him off his feet, but a flying Rey Mysterio can. UNBELIEVABLE. Top rope splash from Rey! 1-2-OH SNAP! Henry rolls out of the pin with Rey still in his arms! Rey counters with a swinging DDT. Springboard dropkick from Rey sets up the 619! Rey goes the springboard plancha but Henry catches him and slams him down for the three count. (5:17) Post-match, Henry drags Rey over to the staging area and attempts to splash Rey out on the concrete. JBL runs over to stop him because if he injures Rey, there won’t be a title match. JBL promises Henry to get the first title match once he wins at Judgment Day. Then JBL gets in Rey’s face and tells him his opponent next week in San Diego will be The Great Khali. Why is JBL making matches? ½*
Final Thoughts: I hope WWE isn’t surprised for the ratings being low as they have lately with Angle, Orton and Batista all gone. Like I said at the start, I was looking to see the tag title match but they didn’t deliver this week. That and the King of the Ring tournament is the only good thing about this show anymore. I mean, Rey is just not a believable long-term champion. They REALLY need Batista back, stat. Next up, Backlash 2006!