December 2, 2006
Matt Peddycord

WWE Survivor Series 2006
November 26, 2006
Philadelphia, PA
Wachovia Center

Your hosts are JR, King, Michael Cole and JBL!

Ric Flair, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes & Sgt. Slaughter (w/Arn Anderson) vs. Kenny, Mikey, Johnny & Nicky (w/Mitch) -4-on-4 Survivor Series Elimination Match

Wow, I believe Ron Simmons just received his biggest ovation since 1992. Mikey runs into Simmons, who does not budge. Then he tries a side headlock, but Simmons throws him down. Mikey pokes him in the eyes, but then comes off the ropes into a Powerslam. The rest of the Spirit Squad (minus Mitch) runs in to attack, but Simmons fights them all. Simmons comes off the ropes, but Mitch trips him which causes Simmons to go out after him. Mitch backs up into Arn Anderson and gets posted! Simmons doesn’t get back in the ring before the ten-count at 1:52 for the first elimination. Mitch and Arn get sent to the back as well for causing problems. Mitch argues with the ref and then turns around and receives a Spinebuster from Simmons. Arn would’ve been cooler doing it though. I mean, one spinebuster for a quick pop isn’t going to kill him, is it? Simmons takes Mitch with him to the back. Apparently, to his woodshed, which JR says is somewhere he would NOT like to be. Crowd calls “bullshhh” on the whole thing, but what can you do? Lawler makes a valid point saying that the ref actually saw all the shenanigans and acted accordingly, which is a rare occasion. So now it’s Slaughter vs. Nicky. Slaughter hits a whole bunch of slams and tags in Dusty. It’s BIONIC ELBOW time! Flair gets a turn and chops away on Nicky in the corner. In comes Sarge and he applies the COBRA CLUTCH! Dusty blocks a slow save by Kenny, allowing the ref to be distracted and Johnny breaks up the Cobra Clutch with the JOHNNY-GO-ROUND! Nicky gets placed on top of Sarge and the ref counts three to eliminate Slaughter at 6:28. It’s now come to Rhodes & Flair vs. Kenny, Mikey, Johnny and Nicky. Since Nicky is so incapacitated from the Cobra Clutch, all Dusty does is drop an elbow on Nicky for the easy elimination at 6:56. Mikey stomps Dusty down and puts him in the SS corner, but Dusty fights out with BIONIC ELBOWS! Johnny stops Dusty and tags in Kenny. Dusty starts to shake it loose and Kenny receives the FLIP FLOP AND FLY! But then Dusty misses a charge in the corner and gets rolled up and jeans pulled for the three-count at 8:24. Mikey tags in and beats down Flair, but then makes a mistake by going for the ten-count corner punch! It’s a mistake because Flair counters into an inverted atomic drop and Flair uses the ropes to pin Mikey at 9:14. Kenny runs in and stomps Flair, but he gets quickly rolled up at 9:50. It comes down to Johnny vs. Flair. Flair chops away and delivers the shin breaker to set up the chopblock and the FIGURE-FOUR for the submission to win the match. (10:34) Survivors: Ric Flair. All of the Spirit Squad return to the ring and attack Flair. Why didn’t the other legends make the save? The eliminations were too fast for this to be any good, which would become the recurring theme of the night. *

WWE U.S. Champion Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero (w/Vickie Guerrero)

I have to admit, the video package they played before the match made Vickie look like a great actress. Benoit slams Chavo and connects with a running elbow drop, followed by a backbreaker for two to start. Benoit punishes Chavo in the corner and then delivers a snap suplex for two. Chavo battles back with some European forearms, but Benoit regains control with ONE chop and hits the double-arm clothesline for one. Chavo turns Benoit around into the corner and starts to beat him down to the mat. But that isn’t enough to keep Benoit down, as he tries for the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE out of nowhere. Chavo gets his foot on the bottom rope for the break, with a little help from Vickie. Benoit brings Chavo to the center of the ring and delivers a back suplex for 1, 2, NO! Chavo knees Benoit in the gut and then throws him shoulder-first into the ringpost. Chavo hits a nice angled back suplex that lands Benoit on the injured shoulder for the 1, 2, NO! Chavo hooks on an overhead keylock, but Benoit stands up out of it and counters with a Samoan drop. Benoit comes off the ropes, but he gets caught with a dropkick for 1, 2, NO! Chavo begins to stomp on Benoit’s hurt arm and then European uppercuts Benoit back down to the mat. Chavo ~ “I told you to stay out of my business!” All that talking from Chavo makes Benoit hungry for three Germans. Not people necessarily, but the suplex kind. Benoit heads up top for the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT, but Vickie stalls him long enough for him to dive and miss the move. Chavo hits the BRAINBUSTER and connects with the FROGSPLASH for 1 2, NO! Chavo starts badmouthing and slapping on Benoit, which JBL points out is a dumb idea when you’ve got Benoit down on the canvas. It proves to be a dumb idea, because Benoit trips up Chavo and tries for the SHARPSHOOTER. Chavo punches his way out and kicks Benoit off into Vickie who was up on the apron. Benoit turns around to look at Vickie and Chavo comes up from behind with a roll up for 1, 2, NO! As Benoit kicks out, he keeps Chavo’s arm into between his legs and pulls Chavo down for the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE! He gets the submission and retains his title. (8:23) This is the first time that I can recall these two ever going one-on-one for over five minutes. They did a decent job of using psychology to make for an interesting match, but it’s still hard to take Chavo seriously as an upper mid-card talent. **¾

In the back, Todd Grisham is standing alongside Edge & Lita. Lita says she hasn’t had second thoughts about not retiring because she gets NO respect for being the greatest women’s champion ever. Edge ~ “Mickie James is going to go down faster than Donovan McNabb!” Once Lita leaves to go get ready for her match, Cryme Tyme slips in Lita’s dressing room while Edge spouts off about how Team DX is gonna get HURT tonight! Now that Edge is done, Todd recaps what was just said as Cryme Tyme slips back out the door with a box full of Lita’s panties and other unmentionables. Todd asks them what they’re doing, so they tell him that he didn’t see NOTHING.

WWE Women’s Champion Lita vs. Mickie James – Lita’s Retirement Match

Mickie SMACKS Lita and then kicks Lita around on the mat and then in the corner. Lita reverses a whip on Mickie in the corner and mounts Mickie for some punches. Lita gets distracted by the HO chants and takes a clothesline. Mickie tries to flip out of the corner with a headscissors takedown, but Lita throws her off and makes her land face-first on the mat. Lita starts pounding on Mickie’s nose. Mickie tries to fight back, but Lita stops that with a Russian legsweep for 1, 2, NO! Lita rolls up Mickie during some “She’s a crack whore” chants. Now it’s time for the sleeper/body scissors hold from Lita, but Mickie rolls into the ropes. Lita comes off the top for a flying crossbody, but Mickie ducks out of the way. Mickie heads up top, but Lita meets her half way and takes Mickie down with a back suplex. Mickie hits a clothesline and a whole bunch of back elbows for two. Mickie follows that up with the Mick Kick Combo for 1, 2, NO! Mickie hits the Fisherwoman suplex for 1, 2, NO! She calls for the JUMPING TORNADO DDT (which needs a name) but Lita shoves her off into the corner. Lita runs into a boot and Mickie tries for another headscissors, but Lita flips her over onto the mat. Lita goes up top and hits the LITASAULT for 1, 2, NO! Wow, I haven’t seen her do that move in years. Mickie holds onto the ropes to block the SNAP DDT for 1, 2, NO! They do a rollup sequence, which leads to Mickie delivering the JUMPING TORNADO DDT for the 1-2-3 to win her second WWE Women’s title. (8:20) After the match, Lita takes Lillian’s mic and rebukes the crowd for their disrespect. Cryme Tyme interrupts and starts selling Lita’s stuff that they stole from her dressing room out of a box full of Lita’s panties for a dollar and some “Monistat” that Lita says she bought for a friend. Oh yeah, can’t forget about the vibrating dildo that gets sold for $25. JBL gets gypped out of $100 for trying to buy one of Lita’s panties. Once it comes down to just the box, Cryme Tyme even sells that for $20! It’s a HO SALE, ya’ll. Hah, that was silly and NOT kid-friendly. But who’s worried about the kids, right? That’s what Smackdown is for, with their cheat-to-win #1 babyface named Batista. By the way, the match was a pretty decent send-off for Lita. **½

Earlier today, Michael Cole sits down with Batista to ask him a bunch of ridiculous questions. Batista doesn’t answer ANY of them and then takes off his shades before he gives a rebuttal. He’s leaving tonight as World Heavyweight Champion.

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy & CM Punk vs. Edge, Randy Orton, Gregory Helms, Johnny Nitro & Mike Knox (w/Melina & Kelly Kelly) – 5-on-5 Survivor Series Elimination Match

Punk, Knox and Kelly Kelly are all making their WWE PPV wrestling debuts. Note that I said WRESTLING debuts. Triple H eyes Kelly and asks her to get up on the apron and show him her boobies, but Mike Knox is not down with anybody noticing his girlfriend. He shoves Triple H back and then turns around into SWEET CHIN MUSIC from HBK for the first elimination at 0:40. Shawn goes over and asks his teammates who that was he just pinned. Haha, that’s great. Shawn runs the ropes with Nitro and then slides out and puts his arm around Melina. She had her back turned and doesn’t realize that it’s not Nitro for a second there. Then when she does, she freaks out! Shawn gets back in and chops away on Nitro and then tags in Jeff Hardy. He hits the running sleeper drop and tags in Matt for their “tandem offense” as JR likes to call it for two. Nitro pulls Matt into the Team Rated-RKO corner as the heels tag in and out stomping away on Matt Hardy. After a minute or so of that, Matt comes back with a Side Effect on Johnny Nitro and makes the HOT TAG TO CM PUNK. He hits Nitro with some forearms and connects with the running knee to the face in the corner, followed by a bulldog. Punk tries for the Uranage, but Nitro elbows out of it. Punk ducks a clothesline and Nitro falls into a hotshot from Matt Hardy into the Uranage and the ANACONDA VICE for the tap-out at 4:58. Edge charges in and stomps away on Punk, but then he runs into a boot. Punk turns Edge around in the corner for a ten-count corner punch, but Helms comes in and distracts the ref long enough for Orton to pull Punk off of Edge into a hotshot, allowing the heels to go back to dominating one guy. Orton trades YAY-BOO blows with Punk, and then delivers an RKO! Orton covers for 1, 2, NO! In my opinion, that says a lot about what WWE thinks of Punk. Edge tags in and sets up for the SPEAR, but Punk moves out of the way and lets Edge ram himself into the corner. Punk HOT TAGS Triple H, who hits his usual on everybody. Triple H goes for the PEDIGREE on Helms, but Edge breaks it up with an Edge-o-Matic. Shawn and Jeff come in and dump Orton and Edge to deliver STEREO PESCADOS! Meanwhile in the ring, Triple H ducks the SHINING WIZARD from Helms and gives him an Arn Anderson spinebuster. Matt tags in and delivers the TWIST OF FATE and then Jeff leaps off the top and hits the SWANTON BOMB to finish Helms at 9:26. It’s now down to just Rated RKO vs. DX, Hardy Boyz and CM Punk. The heels decide that it’s best to leave, but the Hardy Boyz bring them back into the ring and feed them to DX. They dump Orton while they decimate Edge with Punk’s charging knee in the corner, the Hardy Boys hit the Poetry in Motion, and Shawn connects with SWEET CHIN MUSIC to pin Edge at 10:39. Once Orton realizes he’s all alone against five guys, he jumps the security wall and runs, but Punk and the Hardys bring him back into the ring. Shawn’s SWEET CHIN MUSIC makes Orton stumble into a PEDIGREE for the win. (11:33) Survivors: Triple H, Shawn Michaels, CM Punk, Matt & Jeff Hardy. Lawler seems to think that this is the first time a Survivor Series team has ever had anyone eliminated from it, but he obviously hasn’t done his homework. Match was fun, but nothing memorable that made the heels look the least bit threatening to anyone within DX. Just like in the earlier elimination match, the eliminations were done way too fast to make it possible for a great match. Is America really that ADD these days? ***

Backstage, MVP lets Mr. Kennedy know that he’s not mad that Kennedy fed him to Undertaker and Kane and that he’s got Kennedy’s back.

Mr. Kennedy vs. The Undertaker – First Blood Match

Kennedy goes old school and baits Taker around the ring to be the first man in so he can get in his licks. Taker no-sells and throws Kennedy out to the floor. Taker beats Kennedy out on the Spanish announce table for a bit. Next, he bounces Kennedy off the steel steps and beats him out to ringside. They return to ringside with Taker still in control until Kennedy reverses a whip into the steel steps. Ouch, Taker took a nasty bump there. Kennedy pounds away on Taker and then leaps off the apron, but gets caught and driven spine-first into the ringpost. Back in, Taker places Kennedy in the corner and delivers a superplex. Kennedy goes low, but then runs into a boot. Taker works Kennedy over in the corner with body blows, but then Kennedy goes low again and rolls out to the floor. From all the body blows, we see that Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth! The ref doesn’t see any of this as MVP runs down and lets Kennedy spit in a towel. MVP tells Kennedy he doesn’t need this match and starts to take him to the back, but then turns Kennedy around and throws him back into the ring. Taker looks to bust Kennedy open in the corner, but Kennedy counters by dropping Taker face-first on the exposed turnbuckle. Kennedy drives Taker’s face into it one more time. Kennedy pounds away on Taker trying to bust him open just as MVP slides into the ring with a steel chair. Referee Charles Robinson fights over the chair, even though there’s no rules, and gets shoved out to the floor. MVP turns around and decks Taker with the chair! From the look on his face, it doesn’t look like he wanted to hit Taker. That draws blood, but the ref doesn’t notice it. Kennedy goes back to pounding on Taker’s forehead while Robinson gets back in the ring to see the blood pouring out of Taker’s head and calls for the bell. (9:25) Kennedy stays on top of Taker and continues his assault after the match. He motions with Taker’s blood on his hand for his microphone to come down from the ceiling. “And the winner of the match, Mr. Kenned-AGH!” Taker goozles him and beats the crap out of him down in the corner before picking up the chair and completely DESTROYING Mr. Kennedy with a chairshot to bust him open. When the Philadelphia crowd is impressed with a chairshot, the victim is probably stumbling around with a concussion. Taker beats on Kennedy some more and then gives him a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER. Taker still isn’t done, as he takes off a glove and punishes Kennedy with bare-knuckle shots. BONG! The post-match stuff was more entertaining than the match. *½

Over at Booker’s kingdom, Queen Sharmell gets King Booker’s mind ready for his title defense. NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT?

Big Show, MVP, Test, Finlay, Umaga (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. John Cena, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Bobby Lashley & Kane – 5-on-5 Survivor Series Elimination Match

Finlay’s shillelagh is confiscated before the match until he learns how to play nice. Cena starts off dodging stuff from Umaga and then dumps the Samoan BULLDOZER out to the floor. While Umaga is going crazy out over by JR and King, Finlay gets flipped into the ring. Cena tags in RVD while Umaga unhooks a monitor. Umaga brings the monitor into the ring and nails RVD in the gut with it to get himself DQ’ed at 0:56. Cena gets nailed with the monitor and falls out to ringside. Umaga follows him out and wants to smash the monitor on Cena’s head, but Armando calls him off and they go to the back. Meanwhile in the ring, Lashley and Kane clean house on the heels. Once the ruckus settles down, Test tags in and hits some back elbows in the corner. RVD punches out and tries a springboard crossbody, but Test catches him and delivers a backbreaker. Finlay tags in and starts to pound on RVD’s midsection. MVP tags in and covers for 1, 2, NO! RVD elbows out of a chinlock and rolls up MVP for 1, 2, NO! MVP gets dropped with a mule kick, Test comes in and gets nailed with a superkick, and Finlay takes the hardest blow as he eats a nice stepover heel kick. Big Show gets kicked off the apron, but MVP is over to hammer RVD down to the mat. RVD kicks back, but gets pulled out to the floor by Test. He tries to post RVD, but RVD avoids it and posts Test instead. During all that, Kane gets in while referee Mickey Henson is busy with Cena and CHOKESLAMS MVP. RVD heads up top and delivers the FIVE-STAR FROG SPLASH to put MVP away at 5:32. Test rolls back in and YAKUZA KICKS RVD down to eliminate him at 5:41. It’s now 4-on-3. Sabu sneaks in a quick rollup on Test, but only gets two. Test takes Sabu out to the floor, but then gets SPEARED from out of nowhere by Bobby Lashley! Test gets tossed back in the ring for a Sabu slingshot legdrop from the apron. Sabu follows that up with a springboard tornado DDT and eliminates Test at 6:20. Sabu decides it would be wise to springboard into the Big Show and gets caught for a CHOKESLAM to finish him off at 6:38. Kane comes in for a GOOZLE-OFF as the Little Bastard comes out from under the ring, hands Finlay a shillelagh. Before he leaves, he takes a minute to stand between the two giants. While the ref is tending to the leprechaun, Finlay nails Kane with the shillelagh. Big Show CHOKESLAMS Kane and sends him walking at 7:17. Cena runs in and takes a powerslam, much to the delight of the Philadelphians. Finlay tags in and delivers the butt splash and the short-arm clothesline. He draws Lashley into the ring to give Show a chance to illegally SLAP Cena in the chest. Show comes in and hits his usual offense on Cena until it’s time to bring Finlay back in the ring. Finlay drills Cena in the corner with a running shoulder charge. He heads up top, but comes down into Cena’s sneaker. HOT TAG TO LASHLEY! He hammers away on Finlay and hits an overhead half-nelson suplex for 1, 2, NO! Show interrupts the count, which causes Cena to come in and bust his chops. Cena and Lashley try for a double-team clothesline on Show, but they all fall down to a clothesline. Finlay brings the Little Bastard back in, but gets SPEARED by Lashley! The Little Bastard ends up being tossed into Cena’s arms for an FU, but Cena gets booted in the face by Show while Lashley pins Finlay at 10:30. Now that it’s 2-on-1, Cena and Lashley deliver a miss-timed double-shoulderblock to Show that gets one. Show misses a charge in the corner before Lashley tags in Cena. They all screw up a double-DDT for 1, 2, NO! Cena tries a suplex. Big Show doesn’t budge, so Lashley comes in and helps out on the other side of Show to pull off the move. Cena hits the Five-Knuckle Shuffle to absolutely no one’s delight in Philly. Cena poses and then turns around into a GOOZLE. Lashley saves by SPEARING Show into the ropes. That’s enough to cause Show to stumble into an impressive FU to win the match. (12:36) Survivors: John Cena and Bobby Lashley. Dang Lashley and his dang spear. It’s death to EVERYBODY. Nothing special here at all to add to an already forgettable PPV. *½

World Heavyweight Champion King Booker (w/Queen Sharmell) vs. Batista

Before the match, Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes down and announces that if Batista loses tonight, he will not receive any more World title shots. That should tell you right there who’s going to win. Also, King Booker can lose the belt by countout or disqualification. Like a good guy should ALWAYS do, he attacks his opponent before the bell. After a minute or two of that, they finally get in the ring as the bell sounds. Batista hits a back elbow for two. Booker kicks back at Batista, then they take turns beating on each other in the corner. Batista brings Booker out of the corner and delivers a suplex. Batista sets up for the DEMONBOMB, but Booker avoids and rolls out to the floor. They blow a hotshot on the apron, followed by a backbreaker by Batista for two. Batista hits a pair of short-arm clotheslines for another two. Booker comes back with a hotshot and then catapults Batista throat-first into the bottom rope. Booker hits a superkick for two. Booker proceeds to hammer Batista down in the corner. He whips Batista into the opposite corner and follows him in with a clothesline. Batista regains control with a side slam for two. Batista Jackhammer gets another two. Booker tries to fight back, but then he runs into a Black Hole Slam for two. Next, they fight on the apron where Batista gets kicked off into the security wall. Booker follows him out and smashes Batista’s face into the steel steps. Back in, Booker covers for two. Booker hits the Harlem sidekick for two. Booker hooks a chinlock, but Batista powers out and catches Booker in a belly-to-belly suplex. Batista starts seething and delivers a bunch of clotheslines. He boots Booker out to ringside and then throws Booker into the steps. Back in, Batista heads up top and hits a flying shoulder tackle for 1, 2, NO! Batista connects with a Spinebuster for 1, 2, NO! Booker ducks a clothesline and delivers the BOOK END for 1, 2, NO! Booker goes for the SCISSOR KICK, but Batista blocks with a boot and hits the DEMON BOMB! He covers for 1, 2, NO! Booker grabs the bottom rope. While Batista argues the count, Sharmell sneaks Booker the World title belt. She then gets in the ring to talk with referee Nick Patrick. Batista comes over and wants to give her a DEMON BOMB, but tosses her aside instead. Her crown NEVER came off! Batista ducks a belt shot, takes the belt away from Booker, and nails him in the face with the belt all with the ref’s back turned! Batista covers for 1-2-3. We’ve got a new World Heavyweight Champion. (13:58) That guy has SOME character. The guy’s a freaking cheater. I don’t think these two should ever wrestle again. *½

The Good News:
1)
Even though Chavo still looks to be stuck as a mid-card wrestler for the rest of his career, I’m glad he’s been given a chance at an upper-tier title. Sure it’s the USeless belt, but at least it’s not the Cruiserweight belt. It just sucks that it has to be at Eddie’s expense just like everything has been in the last year with that whole Latino clique.

2) CM Punk kicking out of the RKO and not being eliminated says something to me about what WWE thinks of this man.

3) Mr. Kennedy remains to be one of the reasons I still bother with the current product. There’s no one I’ve enjoyed watching more in the past six months than Kennedy. He’s great on the mic and his in-ring work has vastly improved since I saw his TV debut IN PERSON in August 2005.

The Bad News:
1)
The same problems seem to keep happening in the WWE. As much as I liked the Team DX vs. Team Rated RKO match, I just can’t understand for the life of me what good it does for the business to make DX so untouchable.

2) Why must Taker job, but then massacre Kennedy twice on PPV? Is it so terrible for a person who is the winner actually LOOK like a winner for once?

3) I just really don’t care that Batista won the title.

4) This was such a forgettable show. I could probably think of more bad, but I’d just rather forget about it instead.

While the card looked alright on paper, the execution and lack of excitement just killed it for me. Thumbs down for Survivor Series 2006.

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