March 26, 2006
Matt Peddycord

Saturday Night’s Main Event
March 18, 2006
Detroit, MI
Cobo Hall

Let’s go OLD SKOOL-STYLE and catch up on some quick and fast-paced interviews with Vince & Shane, HBK, Triple H interrupted by Cena, and JBL doing an Earl imitation. He made a list of all the bad things he’s done in his life and challenging Austin to a beer-drinking contest as #452. Wow, so he’s got at least 451 other bad things he’s done in his life that he remembers. I feel sorry for him. He’s got a LOT on his conscience. JBL reminds us that he’s not a man like Stone Cold, he’s a WRESTLING GOD! Oh snap, there’s Boogeyman!

POD, “Boom” is your SNME’s theme song! That song is so fresh and new! From what I hear, POD will be at ‘Mania performing Rey’s entrance theme. Get it? Because they’re all from San Diego.

WHOA! We’re joined by JR, Jerry Lawler & Tazz! Welcome back, JR!

John Cena & Triple H vs. Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio & Randy Orton – 2-on-3 Handicap Match

Cena and Orton kick this baby off by trading blows. Angle gets in a blind tag and delivers a German to Cena. Angle eats a boot off a charge into the corner, but comes back with a release belly to belly suplex. Angle knocks H off the apron and goes for the ANGLE SLAM, but Cena shoves him off into the ropes for a spinebuster for two. H tags in and goes right to stomping on Angle down in the corner. Angle gets up and delivers a trifecta of Germans to Triple H. Rey makes a tag and gets a springboard in onto H. Rey gets a pair of quick rollups for two. H goes to the eyes to slow down Rey. Cena tags in to a HUGE number of boos from the crowd! Once Cena goes down to a dropkick, H comes in and takes one himself from Rey. Rey sets up Cena for the 619, but H saves his partner and nails Rey with a follow-through clothesline as we go to a break. We’re back, and H is now the legal man with Mysterio. H sends Rey to the floor and goes out after him. He tosses Rey hard into the barricade. H goes over to yell at Cena for a minute because they’re feuding, you know. Back in, H covers Rey for two. H reaches over for a tag from Cena, but he won’t tag him. H whips Rey into the far-side corner and charges, but Rey gets his feet up. Rey’s offense is cut short as he runs into a Triple H spinebuster. H covers, but Angle comes in to make the save. Rey fights back as the “Eddie” chants go up. Rey gets caught with a sleeper-hold. He fights out of it, but then gets sent chest-first into the corner. H sets Rey up for a belly-to-back superplex. But he elbows out and delivers a moonsault press like he’s Shawn Michaels or something! They both make it to their corners as Rey tags in Orton. Cena tries an FU on Orton, but he slides off his shoulders and knocks Angle off the apron. Protobomb sets up the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. It’s FU TIME for Orton! Cena covers, but H breaks up the pin?! WHAT THE F?! H PEDIGREES Cena and puts Orton on top of him! H watches on from the ramp way as Rey comes in to make the quick save by pulling Orton off of Cena. H is all like, “What the heck, bro?” and goes back down and PEDIGREES Rey! Angle comes in out of nowhere and clotheslines H out of the ring. He turns around and takes an RKO from Orton! This is getting BEYOND ridiculous. Orton tries for an RKO on Cena, but he falls back into a rollup for the pinfall! (11:40) Triple H can’t believe it and neither can Orton. Nothing pisses off fans more than a guy who they already hate, overcoming all the odds and obstacles nearly EVERY WEEK. **

Wrestlemania 22 rundown. Did anybody hear about the Indy wrestler who had trademarked the phrase “Big Time” as it pertains to wrestling and is suing WWE? How does a little of your own sue-age taste, WWE?

Next up is the Hall of Fame 2006 rundown. Mean Gene will be inducted by Hulk Hogan. Eddie Guerrero will be inducted by Chavo, Rey and Benoit. Verne Gagne will be inducted by his son, Greg. Sherri Martel will be inducted by Ted DiBiase. But let’s not forget the highlight of the inductees, Bret Hart, who will be inducted by Shawn Michaels? I’m just kidding. He’ll be inducted by Stone Cold Steve Austin.

We go to the back to witness Booker T writhing in pain. He sounds like he’s pissing razor blades! GREEN MILE! Nah, his knee is hurt again. Seriously Teddy, he heard something pop! He can’t wrestle the Boogeyman tonight! The “doctor” says he needs to go to the hospital and get an MRI, so Teddy Long cancels his match for tonight. Booker limps out with Sharmell until they get out the door where they laugh and laugh and laugh.

It’s time for “The Cutting Edge” as Edge & Lita come to the ring. His special guest tonight is his Wrestlemania opponent, Mick Foley! Edge has various hardcore weapons spread around the ring meant to inspire Mick at Wrestlemania so that when he beats him, it’ll actually mean something. He says that Foley isn’t the hardcore legend anymore. He’s gone from being the hardcore legend, to a cuddly teddy bear. He calls Foley out now to get his Wrestlemania beatdown now! As Mick comes down to ringside with his bag o’ tacks, Edge sets the table that is between him and Mick on fire! Almost like, “Cross this line, I dare you!” A ring crew guy comes in and puts out the fire as Mick jumps on Edge and beats him down into the corner. Mick connects with a running knee to the face! After that, he grabs his bag o’ tacks and pours them all out! Mick punches away at Edge as he nearly falls on the tacks. Mick comes off the ropes, but Lita is there to nail him in the back with a chair so that Edge can send Foley face-first into the tacks! Once Edge & Lita are up the entryway, Foley sits up and looks at Edge with a smile on his face! Foley comes out after him with a steel chair! They both have chairs! Swinging neckbreaker on the steel rampway! Foley seizes the opportunity and delivers a ONE-MAN CONCHAIRTO to Edge! BANG! BANG! Play his music!

Vince/HBK promo video

We go to the locker room, as it appears Sharmell and Booker is just “finishing up” if you know what I mean. Booker (with just a towel wrapped around himself) and Sharmell (shirtless) decide that it’s a good time to “work it” and they start dancing like fools. BOOGEYMAN ALERT! Boogeyman is shown leaning back OVER the wall, laughing it up. Booker & Sharmell SCREAM and DART out of the locker room, running past Teddy Long! Booker stops for a second to awkwardly look over at Long and then he keeps on running! Booker T just might be the funniest man ever in wrestling.

It’s time for the JBL/Stone Cold beer drinking contest. JBL makes fun of Detroit in general for being an embarrassment to the rest of the country and all that jazz. *BREAKING OF THE GLASS* Austin, of course, gets his usual explosive reaction. This is all because Austin didn’t list JBL as one of the all-time greatest wrestlers from Texas on I didn’t even know that until Tazz just told me. Stone Cold makes fun of JBL for a bit. He stops for a minute to tell us all about his day. He woke up at 6:30AM and called room service at his hotel to bring him up one egg and two cases of beer for breakfast. Before lunchtime, he got hungry. He went over to a bar and drank fifteen pitchers of beer. Wow, that’s got to be the most depressing story I’ve ever heard. Austin wants to go ahead and start drinking, but JBL stops him. JBL starts yelling at him by calling Austin, “Billy Bad Boy” hahaha. He tells Austin that he brought in Canadian beer for this contest in order to slip in a quick hockey joke. The rules are as follows, to drink as many beers as possible in sixty seconds. Also, they have to do this back-to-back like the Old West. Just start DRINKING already! Austin calls JBL the one minute man. JBL ~ “You’ve been talking to my wife.” Ok guys, let’s do this! Turns out JBL wanted this to be back-to-back so that he could start pouring the beer out instead of guzzling it down. Austin catches him and gets on his case about it. JBL throws a beer in Austin’s eyes and runs out of the ring. But CHRIS BENOIT is right behind him! He tosses JBL back in the ring for a STUNNER! Hit all the four corners and play his music!

Candice Michelle & Victoria vs. Trish Stratus & Mickie James

Candice starts off with Trish, as her and Victoria OWN Trish to start. Victoria tags in and delivers a slingshot flip legdrop for two. Victoria applies a front facelock so they can do the false-tag routine as Candice comes in. Ref Mickey Jay admonishes Mickie J for coming in without a tag. Ha, I had to say it. Double-DDT by Trish! Victoria stops the tag by knocking Mickie off the apron, but turns around into a STRATUSFACTION for the three-count. (2:40) ½*

Post-match, Mickie gets on the stick and tells Trish she wants to tell her goodbye the right way. She just wants a handshake, but then pulls Trish in for a kiss! Trish shoves her away! Then Mickie goes crazy and grabs a hug! Trish shoves her away again! Alright then, MICK KICK TO TRISH! ALRIGHT! The heel turn is complete! Mickie with a handful of Trish’s hair ~ “You want me now?!” STRATUSFACTION TO TRISH! Mickie ~ “This is your champion?” Ohhhh snap I love this!

Another Wrestlemania 22 Rundown video

Here comes MARK HENRY with DAIVARI. Henry says he will beat Undertaker at his own game! *BONG* It’s getting CREEEEPPYY! The Druids carry out a HUGE casket fit for a Mark Henry before the Undertaker makes his entrance. Undertaker and Henry fight all around ringside until Henry gets booted into the front row. After that goes down, Undertaker delivers not just a chokeslam on the casket, but also a TOMBSTONE to Daivari!

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon – Street Fight

Shawn interrupts Shane’s entrance and beats him down to ringside. HBK nails Shane with a chair and then sets up a table out on the floor. Shane reverses a whip into the steel ringpost. Meanwhile, Vince comes down to cheer on his son. Vince sets another table up beside the other one while Shane brings a ladder into the ring. Shane takes HBK and drives him spine-first into the ringpost a couple times. Shane slides in to set up the ladder in near the ropes. Vince lays HBK on the table as Shane ascends the ladder. Shawn thumbs Vince in the eye and then catches Shane up on the top of the ladder in order to SUPERPLEX Shane from the TOP OF THE LADDER thru the TABLES! INCREDIBLE! We got to go to a break after that one. We come back to Shawn holding Shane down in a front facelock in the middle of the ring. Shawn’s back looks to be killing him from that bump, but he goes for a slam anyways to set up the elbow drop. Shawn climbs the ladder that’s still in the ring, but Vince knocks him off the ladder from behind with a kendo stick. Shane folds the ladder up and drives it into Shawn’s back not once, but twice. For the third time, Shane wants to run and ram HBK with it. He connects with it right across his forehead! Shane covers for a near-fall! Shane applies a modified surfboard on HBK. Shawn fights up after a minute or so and reverses the hold. Vince gets up on the apron, so Shawn releases the hold to go swing at him. Shawn turns around into a hurricane-DDT from Shane! Shane covers again, but it only gets two! Shane grabs a chair and waits for Shawn to get up and turn around to take it in the face! Shane nails him good! He drags HBK over to a corner to set him up for the VAN-TERMINATOR while Vince holds a trash can in front of Shawn’s face! Shawn slips away just in time and slides the trash can in between the middle and bottom ropes to catch Vince in the face! Vince is out cold! Shawn hits his usual, including SWEET CHIN MUSIC to put Shane away. HBK covers, but Vince pulls the ref out at two! HBK goes out and throws Vince into the ring, but Shane stops that with a low-blow. Shane slaps on a SHARPSHOOTER so that Vince can screw Michaels by telling the timekeeper to ring the bell and having Lillian Garcia announce Shane the winner by submission. (16:42) It had some good spots, but by the end of it, it just felt like a weekly Raw main event screwjob. **½

Final Thoughts: This was like a good edition of Raw in my opinion. The initial purpose for SNME was to help promote the Big Four shows during the year before weekly WWE primetime programming came about, so there’s really no reason for it now but to just have another wrestling show for Saturday. The ratings did about what an average Smackdown does, so if NBC is smart, they won’t do this again. If they do agree to another show, I highly doubt it’ll be in primetime. They really gave it a good effort. I’ll give them that much.

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