August 16, 2006
Matt Peddycord

WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event #5
March 1, 1986
Phoenix, AZ
Veterans Memorial Coliseum
(Taped on 2/15/1986)

The current WWF Champs were as follows:
World Champion: Hulk Hogan (1/23/1984)
Intercontinental Champion: Randy Savage (2/8/1986)
World Tag Team Champions: Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (8/24/1985)
Women’s Champion: The Fabulous Moolah (11/25/1985)

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura!

Mean Gene RUDELY interrupts Mr. T’s workout session to get a quick UNNECESSARY interview with him. The GALL of that guy! All T has to say is that he’s going to smash the chump. Play the SNME intro!

All of a sudden, Bob Orton Jr. is “Battling” Bob and he’s a REAL good boxer! On a recent Piper’s Pit, he puts out an open challenge to anybody who has ever wrestled in the WWF. Hogan comes out but only to answer the challenge for his buddy, Mr. T. They show several vignettes of Mr. T training and KNOCKING OUT his trainee opponent! They finish with Mr. T getting interviewed in the locker room before his match by Gene, but he keeps interrupting him. Hahaha, don’t like being interrupted, do ya?

Mr. T vs. Bob Orton, Jr. (w/Roddy Piper) – Boxing Match

Orton attacks from behind before the bell sounds. T no-sells and they go to a stand-off. Both men appear to get in some pretty good shots before they get tied up together in the ropes. Orton gets in some body shots while backing T into the corner. Jesse ~ “Vince, just because you’re Irish, you think you know everything there is to know about [boxing]?” Hahaha. They lock up again in the ropes. Orton breaks clean and then pops T in the face to injure him. Vince calls it a thumb in the eye. Never mind the fact they have BOXING GLOVES on! The fight stops for a moment as the trainers and the referee check on T in his corner. T starts again and backs Orton into the ropes as the bell sounds to end round one. As the ref tries to back T up, Orton nails him with a straight right to put both men down. I don’t know why they didn’t just DQ him there. It’s not like the ref didn’t see it. Round two begins with Orton showboating around the ring. He gets too cocky though and turns around into a left-right. T begins to build momentum but Piper distracts the ref long enough for Orton to bury a knee into T’s gut. Now the ref gets distracted by T’s trainers who are up on the apron, but then some heel miscommunication causes Piper to get nailed. T decks Orton with a left hook that sends him over the top and out to the floor for the countout victory. (4:30) I’m not going to rate this, but I will say it was pretty entertaining stuff. This leads to a double-team beatdown on T which leads to Piper/T at Wrestlemania 2.

King Kong Bundy wants Hogan tonight!

King Kong Bundy vs. Steve Gatorwolf

Gatorwolf is nothing more than a jobber as far as I know. ATLANTIC CITY AVALANCHE and its over. (:40) CRAP

It turns out that Mr. Fuji has turned into Mr. Fluji tonight, as he is under the weather. Just so that Muraco doesn’t have to face Hogan alone, Mr. Fluji has got his good friend Bobby Heenan to assist his man at ringside. Heenan is more than proud to represent Muraco simply because he hates Hogan THAT much.

Hulk says that nobody has been able to stop him yet, so why would this next match be any different!

WWF Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Don Muraco (w/Bobby Heenan)

Muraco dominates Hogan to start with back rakes and punches. In other words, he uses heel-Hogan offense. Hogan reverses a whip into the corner for a back drop. Now Hogan uses the back rake and knocks Heenan off the apron. Muraco begs off in the corner before he gets whipped into the turnbuckle for a clothesline. Hogan follows up with an atomic drop that sends Muraco out to the floor. Hogan goes out and posts Muraco before he brings him back in the ring. Hogan wins a slugfest for 1, 2, NO! Hogan catches Muraco off the ropes for a bearhug. Muraco headbutts out and begins to field goal kick on the ribs. Muraco now hits a pair of knee lifts before returning to the ribs. He follows up with a Fuji-like falling headbutt to the groin. Vince can call it affecting the lower abdomen, but if you land between a guy’s legs, you’re crushing his balls. Muraco hits a Russian legsweep and Vince has no clue what to call it. Muraco follows that up with the ASIAN SPIKE and covers for 1, 2, NO! And here comes the Hulkster. Big boot and the LEG DROP, but Heenan is in to break up the pin for the blatant DQ. (6:55) Of course we all know what happens next. Bundy runs down and AVALANCHES Hogan several times while Muraco holds him in the corner. After all that, Hogan takes several more splashes to his abs and his back! It’s so bad that Hulk is stretchered out and sent to the hospital! *

WWF World Tag Team Champions Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake (w/Johnny Valiant) vs. Dynamite Kid and Davey Boy Smith (w/Capt. Lou Albano)

Haha, the Dream Team uses “We are the Champions” as their theme music. The Bulldogs won a non-title match to earn themselves an actual shot at the belts here. Davey Boy and Valentine get into a shoving contest to start. Is Valentine seriously trying to match strength with DAVEY BOY SMITH? Valentine takes a one-handed atomic drop by Davey Boy and then a headbutt for 1, 2, NO! Valentine gets his foot on the bottom rope. Davey hits a suplex and covers for two before tagging out to Dynamite. He levels Valentine with another headbutt for 1, 2, NO! Valentine nails Dynamite in the gut and tags out to Beefcake who comes in and botches their own double-team! Dynamite punishes him for it by nailing him all around the ring. Davey Boy tags in and gives Beefcake one of those elevated arm wrench moves that Taker does. Beefcake takes a back elbow and falls in his corner to make the easy tag out to Valentine. He comes in and gets press slammed for 1, 2, NO! CLOSE near fall for the Bulldogs. Dynamite tags in for a double-headbutt. He connects with a back suplex and a falling headbutt for two. Next up, Dynamite comes off the middle buckle with a knee drop and tags in Davey. Valentine tries to come back with forearms, but Davey Boy puts him down with a running dropkick for two. Davey Boy backs Valentine into their corner and tags in Dynamite. Valentine sneaks in an inverted atomic drop and quickly tags in Beefcake. He comes in with a kick to the lower abdomen (it actually was this time) and struts around. Meanwhile, Valiant and Albano get into a little scuffle as we go to a commercial break. We come back and see that Beefcake is being schooled by the Bulldogs as they trap him in their corner. Davey tags in and hits a missile dropkick for 1, 2, NO! Beefcake gets in a shot and tags in Valentine. He immediately goes for the FIGURE-FOUR. That proves to be UNWISE as Dynamite runs in to break it up with a leg drop. Dynamite hot tags in, but gets cooled off as Valentine fights back with body blows. Valentine connects with an elbow drop for 1, 2, NO! Shoulder breaker by Valentine gets two. Beefcake tags in for a double-team in the corner. Beefer delivers a quick running stomp and covers for two. What a technical genius! Valentine tags back in since Beefcake can’t finish him off and connects with the Hammer forearm for 1, 2, NO! Dynamite kicks off a FIGURE-FOUR attempt, sending Valentine crashing headfirst into the corner. Valentine goes up top and gets tossed down to the mat, so Dynamite goes up top and nails him with a front missile dropkick. Cover 1, 2, NO! Valentine’s foot gets up on the bottom rope. Clothesline by Dynamite gets 1, 2, NO! Now Dynamite hits the SNAP SUPLEX and covers, but that brings in Beefcake and Davey Boy. Beefcake gets dumped as Valentine and Dynamite collide with Valentine falling on top for the lucky three-count to retain the belts. (9:27) Great match, and the best match from the first five SNME shows. It definitely proved the Bulldogs had the champs’ number with the abrupt accidental finish. Give it 5-10 more minutes with as little of Beefcake as possible and it could be a MOTYC. ***¼

Meanwhile, Mean Gene is standing outside of the emergency unit at the hospital to find out some information on Hulk’s condition.

Next up, we get to witness Rick Derringer’s “Real American” music video. If you’ve ever seen a short clip somewhere of Hulk playing a red, white and blue guitar, then it’s from this video. It’s a great unintentionally funny video. By the way, I wonder if this song would be on Stephen Colbert’s Celebrity iTunes playlist.

Junkyard Dog vs. Adrian Adonis (w/Jimmy Hart)

As one of Jimmy Hart’s wrestlers, Adonis is feuding with JYD by default to continue the Funk/JYD feud into Wrestlemania. Adrian is in “Adorable” mode here. Adonis gets in JYD’s face to start, so he gets swung around by his the many scarves hanging around his neck. JYD posts him and then ties him up in the ropes for a free beatdown. JYD hits a clothesline and covers for two. Adonis fires back with an uppercut, but then gets whipped into the corner and flips out onto the floor. JYD pulls him and Jimmy into the ring. Jimmy tries to leave, but JYD throws him onto Adonis as they both flip over the top rope and out to the floor in a SICK fashion as we go to commercial. They continue where they left off as Adonis crawls back into the ring and receives for it for 1, 2, NO! Adonis gets his foot on the rope. Adonis avoids a falling headbutt and holds the referee captive in the corner while Jimmy ties JYD’s foot to the rope. After that’s done, Adonis goes over and chokes on JYD while Jimmy is with the ref. Ref Dave Hebner pulls Adonis off of JYD by the hair and drags the drag to the other side of the ring. Adonis delivers a running fist drop for 1, 2, NO! The ref gets bumped as Adonis goes for a piledriver. Jimmy gets up on the apron and prepares to use his megaphone, but JYD reverses the whip and Adonis gets nailed. The ref comes to and counts three. (6:35) That was just silly stuff. ½*

We go to Mean Gene one last time for an update on the Hulkster. He’s standing by with Dr. Monovich, who says Hulk has sustained injuries to his lower back, ribs and neck. Thanks Doc for clearing up all the CONFUSION.

They show one last replay of the Piper/T and Hogan/Bundy incidents before they go to close.

Final Thoughts: With the great tag title defense and the building to Wrestlemania 2, I give SNME #5 the thumbs up. I mean if nothing else, you’ve GOT to see the “Real American” video! Funny stuff.

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