April 8, 2012
Adam Sanders
Never Hand Over

Uncensored 2000

1. The Artist vs. Psychosis – 4
Artist may hav been a Prince rip-off but I really dug his music. Juvi is ringside in Psychosis’ corner. I wonder how high he was at the time? I think someone in the back missed a cue as the bell rang and the competitors just sort of awkwardly stood around until Chris Candido came out for guest commentary. Call me crazy but I’m really enjoying this. Psychosis seemed to be pretty much spot on with his assortment of high risk stuff. I loved the front facebuster and the huge guillotene leg drop. Artist kept his offense pretty ground based but that jumping DDT from the second rope was tits.

2. Lenny Lane & Rave vs. Norman Smiley & The Demon – 2
Talk about a completely random tag team match, this is it. Smiley looks really odd coming out wearing Demon’s gear and trence coat with KISS face paint. Yikes, Lane and Rave tried a double clothesline on the Demon that resulted in not only Demon falling down, it resulted in Lance and Rave falling down as well. Norman looks terrible in that Demon t-shirt. Wonder what sad sap bought one of those at the merchandise stand? This felt more like something that should’ve been on TV instead of PPV.

3. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall – 3
Here’s a match that had some good and some bad. The good was these two just throwing down in the middle of the ring and down the aisleway. The bad here was the horrible looking bump Bigelow took through a table and the goofy explosion one of the giant computer monitors made. I don’t think there was a finish to this. If there was, it was never mentioned. David Flair and Crowbar come out to brawl with The Wall and eventually Wall and Crowbar wind up on the side of the giant screen where Crowbar takes a pretty awesome bump through the stage. I’ll give this some points for the few minutes of acceptable in-ring and Crowbar’s wild bump.

4. Three Count vs. Brian Knobbs – 3-on-1 Handicap Hardcore Gauntlet Match – 5,BR> Not sure why Helms is wearing that mask. He looks like a bad stand in for Kato from Green Hornet or a terrible Lone Ranger impersonator. The rules here are that Knobbs has to beat all three members of Three Count to win. Damn, Helms nearly killed Knobbs with a hard ass chair shot. Like them or not, Three Count’s bumping here was just fantastic. Karagais took a pretty sick powerbomb from the ring through a table. Thought the spot where Helms, Moore, and Karagias took turns jumping off the ladder was a bit contrived. Compared to the rest of the match, finish was pretty lame with Knobbs splashing a trash can off the top rope on to Moore. Really had a lot of fun watching this.

5. Booker T & Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000 – 3
Not quite sure it was explained why Kidman and his Tommy Hilfiger shorts are teaming with Booker T. What in the hell happened to Big T, the former Ahmed Johnson? Looks like he put on at least a hundred pounds since he was in WWF. I’ll give him credit though, he still moves pretty well and hit a pretty nice sidekick. Kidman bumped around good for the rather immobile members of Harlem Heat and Booker got some good offense in but this really felt like it was rushed for time.

6. Fit Finlay vs. Vampiro – Falls Count Anywhere Match – 6
I cringe every time I see Vampiro on the card but I rather enjoyed some of his work here. The spin kick from the top rope was good, as was the spot he kicked a chair into Finlay’s face so hard it broke. Brawl in the men’s room was a real fun aspect and Vampiro jumping off the top of a stall was completely nutty. The fighting on the concourse was pretty poorly lit as it was all red and felt like it was in an underground night club. Again, match felt like it was rushed for time but still, check this out if your looking for a fun way to kill about eight minutes.

7. The Harris Brothers vs. The Mamalukes – No DQ Match – 3
Sort of forgot about the fact that Big Vito and Johnny the Bull were a pretty decent team. Johnny had pretty good agility and Vito was really into the character. Most of the Harris offense was punching and do some generic power stuff. Both teams tried a double team powerbomb in the middle of the match and both looked awful. Mamalukes went straight from one move to the next without a breath.

8. Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk – Bullrope Match – 4
So the first move of the match was Funk hitting Dustin with a chicken. Yes, a chicken, as in one that you might find in the grocery store. Bulldog on the cowbell from Dustin was very interesting. Could have done without the interference from an uknown assailant in a chicken suit. Some trademark Funk stuff here with his selling and his crazy theatrics. Rhodes spent the majority of the bout working Funk over with the cowbell. This felt somewhat homogenized without any blood but it was enjoyable for what it was.

9. Lex Luger vs. Sting – Lumberjack Match – 2
The action here was passable but there seemed like there was ton of stuff going on. Story here was that Luger had broken the arms of all the lumberjacks over the course of the past few months, including Sting. The mess began with Tank Abbott coming down and hitting Doug Dillenger for no apparent reason, then after all the lumberjacks were gone, we got interference from Flair, Liz, and Vampiro. Real messy match.

10. Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett - 2
It’s early 2000’s Jarrett so of course than means a crowd brawl about two minutes in. Jarrett’s work from this era has a really bad rap, and it’s warranted. He’s a lazy in the ring as a sloth and his matches were always big, overbooked messes that usually ended with a guitar shot. Speaking of which, we get a ref bump and said guitar shot. Good god, this got shitty fast with a second ref bump, interference from Hogan and The Harris Brothers, and then after match interference from Scott Steiner. Puke.

11. Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan – Strap Match – 6
Yes, Flair and Hogan main eventing a pay-per-view in 2000. I liked the way this started, with Flair running down after Hogan getting beaten down by Steiner and Jarrett at the end of the last match and Hogan having to come back right from the start. Hogan was still able to move around decently. Trademark Flair stuff here with the bump from the top rope, blood, and constant chopping. Why is Jimmy Hart in the ring and why isn’t the referee doing anything about it? I thought this was supposed to be a match where the winner is supposed to touch all four buckles in succession but Hogan won on a pinfall. You know what, this may not be the best match between the two, as a matter of fact, it wasn’t, but I certainly enjoyed this. So I’m going to recommend it.

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