June 5, 2010
Alexander Settee

The Best of the WWF Volume 12

We continue on with this series to Volume 12 and from looking at the lineup here I sense trouble with this one. Nothing jumps out as having the potential to be great while a lot jumps out as having the potential to be terrible. Letís get it over with, I guess.

Kamala (w/Mr. Fuji & Kimchee) vs. Ricky ďThe DragonĒ Steamboat (June 20, 1987, The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA)
Steamboat has definitely been one of the highlights of the series, appearing in one of the best matches on every tape heís been on, but heís got his work cut out for him here. To make matters worse this is also post-IC Title run, so his motivation canít be that great. He starts by using speed to avoid Kamala. This goes for a while until he finally runs into a kick. Kamala works him over with Fuji also getting in his shots from the floor. Steamboat gets a few shots in but Kamala pretty much just ignores them and continues the beating in boring fashion. Finally he misses a charge to the corner and Steamboat gets some sustained offence, mostly consisting of chops, but he canít knock him down. Kimchee trips him up at one point, so he gets nailed for his troubles. Steamboat hits a top rope chop and then goes for a second one, but Kimchee grabs the leg. Steamboat eventually kicks him off, but it gives Kamala the chance to get over there and slam him off. Big splash follows and gets the 3 count at 5:59. This was easily one of the worst matches youíll ever see Ricky Steamboat involved in, which was really sad to watch. DUD

Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kimchee) vs. Tito Santana (November 20, 1986, Metro Center, Rockford, IL)
Craig DeGeorge introduces us to a new concept for this series: The Dark Match, which is a match from a TV taping that has never aired anywhere before. I believe there have been one or two up to this point, but now theyíre emphasizing how they have an exclusive match here. But even with all the fanfare that went into the new feature, weíre still stuck with Kamala as another great worker in Tito Santana gets to try him out. Also, this is an older match than the first one and I donít get why they would show them out of order. I guess it doesnít really matter though. Santana uses speed to avoid Kamala and gets in a couple of shots. He gets caught on the ropes, but avoids the shot and fires away some more until Kamala retreats. Now Kamala wants a test of strength, but Santana is wary. So wary in fact that he spends literally two minutes contemplating it. Yes all that happens for two minutes is Kamala sticking his arm up and Santana thinking about it. He finally goes for it and gets taken right down. They clip (not a moment too soon) to Santana fighting back and stomping on the foot to escape. Kamala then misses a charge and Santana goes to a wristlock, but Kamala uses a shot to the throat to break it. He beats on Santana with really boring stuff like kicks and choking on the ropes. Amazingly the crowd has managed to stay into this so it must have gone on early in the taping. Finally Santana fires back and goes off the ropes, but the Wizard trips him up and then Kamala nails the splash for the 3 count at 6:43 (shown). The flow of this match was pretty much exactly the same as the Steamboat match, but this one sucked worse because of that never ending test of strength spot and the fact that Steamboat had better hope spots. Again it was sad to watch someone who could have had a great match stuck in there with this useless tub. What they should have done was forgotten about Kamala and had Steamboat wrestle Santana. -*

Big Machine, Super Machine, & Piper Machine vs. King Kong Bundy, Big John Studd, & Bobby Heenan (October 4, 1986, Boston Garden, Boston, MA)
The Machines and The Heenan Family feuded for basically the entire run that the Machines had and on occasion various guest Machines were brought in to help out in six mans. In this case we have Roddy Piper wearing the mask, but he keeps lifting it up just to make sure that we know itís him I guess. Super and Bundy start things off slowly. They finally lock up with Bundy pounding him in the corner, but missing the Avalanche. Super gets a crossbody for 2 and then they both tag Big and Studd. They showdown but Studd wants Piper so Big tags him in. Piper gets a sunset flip for 1 and then goes to the corner and beats on everyone. The heels bail for a moment and then when Studd gets in he catches Piper in the corner. That doesnít last long as Piper soon has eyepokes for everyone. He chases Heenan around but ends up cornered again. They go after the leg, which is taped up from the Orton/Muraco/Adonis deal and the triple team is on. Heenan gets the tag, but Piper has no interest in selling for him even as the face in peril. Heenan lands on the injured knee and then tags out to Studd. Studd drops some elbows for 2 and then tags Bundy who whips Piper off the ropes with Piper appearing to duck the clothesline, but then deciding to sell it anyways so there was some sort of miscommunication there. Tag to Heenan who tries a headbutt and is again no sold. Piper is kind enough to stand there while Heenan tags back out to Bundy so that the heels retain control. Bundy and Studd trade him off for a bit until Piper finally uses another eyepoke to escape and tag Big. Big is almost immediately caught in the heel corner too. Bundy misses a knee and tags Studd who hits a clothesline and a slam for 1. He puts his head down on another whip though and gets kicked with Big then tagging Piper back in. Piper gets serious now, whipping off the mask and even slamming Studd which they try to sell as a big deal but I believe that everyone and their mother had slammed him by this point. The slam gets 2 as Bundy tries to save but Piper moves and Bundy elbows his own partner. Piper then quickly gets back on top while the Machines cut off Heenan and Bundy and he gets the 3 count at 10:14. Studd and Bundy tease a breakup after the match, but Heenan seems to make peace between them. Well, weíre three matches in, and theyíve all sucked so far. Ĺ*

Luscious Johnny Valiant vs. Brutus ďThe BarberĒ Beefcake (May 2, 1987, Boston Garden, Boston, MA)
This of course stems from the breakup of the Dream Team at Wrestlemania III and Beefcake getting his new gimmick after helping Roddy Piper shave Adrian Adonis. Valiant tries a sneak attack, but Beefcake avoids him and starts working him over until Valiant bails after a slam. Beefcake slings him back in and continues the beating for a bit. Valiant fires back but his corner whip is reversed and he ends up hooked in the sleeper and put out to end it at 3:20. A haircut ensues but the ref quickly breaks it up because they have to save some hair for the other towns. This tape isnít getting any better. DUD

WWWF International Tag Team Championship, 2/3 Falls Match: The Mongols vs. Pedro Morales & Gorilla Monsoon (December 26, 1970, Philadelphia Arena, Philadelphia, PA)
Deep into the archives we go for this one, which is also on film as opposed to videotape. First Fall: JIP with Monsoon getting the tag and coming in to beat on Bepo, who grew up to become Nikolai Volkoff if you didnít know. Bepo gets him to the corner and the Mongols double team Monsoon who gets tossed to the floor. Morales rolls him back in with Geto who comes off the top rope with a stomp. He then does it again and that gets the 3 count to put the champs up 1-0. Second Fall: Clip to Morales getting double teamed. He comes off the ropes and gets shoulderblocked by Geto, but kind of falls into a tag to Monsoon. Geto comes off, but right into a bearhug. Bepo comes in and breaks it and they start double teaming Monsoon, but that results in a DQ to even things up. Third Fall: Clip to Monsoon and Geto in with Morales quickly getting the tag. Morales dropkick Bepo on the apron and then hits two on Geto. He follows with a splash to get the 3 count and win the match at 5:11 (shown). I presume that there was no Title change here due to one of the falls being a DQ. I further presume that there was much more to the match then we saw here so no rating, but the little bit that we did see wasnít that exciting.

Paul Orndorff (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. George ďThe AnimalĒ Steele (January 19, 1987, Madison Square Garden, New York, NY)
Heenan has a poster of Elizabeth with him which he tears up in front of Steele to distract him which allows Orndorff to attack. Orndorff beats him with knees for a bit until Steele comes back with biting and ramming him to the buckle. He then pulls the pad off and rams Orndorff to the exposed buckle. Heenan gets involved so Steele chases him back to the locker room. He then gets back in the ring and tosses Orndorff to the floor so that he has time to put the poster back together. As heís contemplating how the pieces fit, Orndorff attacks and stars choking him. Then he chokes him with a cable. He misses a charge on a corner whip which leads to Steele going to work on the arm to set up the flying hammerlock. But before that can happen, Heenan returns with a new poster to distract Steele again. He chases after Heenan, grabbing a chair along the way. Then when he gets in the ring, the ref tries to stop him and he basically brushes the guy with the chair. Thatís enough though for the DQ at 6:00. After the match, Orndorff gets the chair, but Steele blocks the shot and clears the ring. The crap continues and Iím begging for this tape to give me something at this point. -**

WWF Womenís Championship Match: Fabulous Moolah vs. Leilani Kai (December 26, 1986, Madison Square Garden, New York, NY)
Yeah, thanks a lot there guys. They start with a bit where the ref wants to check them for foreign objects, but both women want nothing to do with it to the point where it even breaks down into a shoving match. He finally lets it go and the match starts with Kai attacking and hitting a dropkick. Moolah bails but Kai drags her in and catapults her. Moolah kicks her off and uses the hairtosses before sending Kai to the floor. She then drags her back in and hits a short clothesline before tossing her again. This time Kai drags her to the floor and rams her to the apron, but Moolah counters that by ramming her to the table and then slamming her on the floor. Back in, Moolah works her over but Kai comes back and drops an elbow for 2. Clip to Kai missing a dropkick and Moolah choking her. Irish whip sets up a flapjack, but then a second one sees Kai come off with a bodypress for 2. They trade shots and then Moolah drops her on the ropes. Kai in turn takes her down and hooks a legbar. She then lets that go and hits some stomps. She then hits a flying double thrust for 2. A second try misses and then Moolah faceplants her and starts choking her. The ref pulls her off which leads to another shoving match which allows Kai to attack from behind. She hits a dropkick and then she starts choking her so the ref drags her off as well. Moolah gets up and dropkicks Kai into the ref, and then rolls Kai up for the 3 count at 8:22 (shown). Hey look at that, a terrible match involving Moolah and one of her trainees. Didnít see that coming. -*

Then for no apparent reason we get a montage of Howard Finkelís tuxedos throughout the years. Thatís followed by the Hulk Hogan/Mean Gene training sessions from 1984, again for no apparent reason, but which may in fact be the most entertaining thing we got on this whole tape.

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Kamala (w/The Wizard & Kimchee) (December 6, 1986, Boston Garden, Boston, MA)
Iím really hating this tape right now. I mean, did we really not get enough of Kamala earlier on? Do we really need to see him for a third time? Hopefully the Hogan formula can pull something decent out of him, but Iím not holding my breath on that one. They start with a couple of shoulderblock showdowns where nobody moves. On the third try Kamala leapfrogs him, falling down in the process, but he comes back and knocks Hogan down. Hogan comes back and tries a slam, which of course fails and now Kamala pounds him down. Kamala gets a slam, but then misses some chops on the mat. Hogan fires back, hitting a high knee and some punches. He makes the mistake of going after Kimchee though and gets attacked from behind. While the ref gets Kimchee out of there, The Wizard tosses his necklace thing to Kamala who nails Hogan with it and busts him open. Thankfully no one runs out to close the cut and we continue with Kamala working it over. He hits a couple of throat tosses and then squashes Hogan in the corner a few times. He goes up for the big splash, but Hogan crawls away so Kamala is forced to come down and pound on him some more. He hits a regular splash, but it only gets 2 and kicks off the Hulk Up. Hogan gets three punches, followed by a corner clothesline. He follows with the big boot and a slam, and then the legdrop for the 3 count at 7:39. It wasnít good, but by the standards this tape has set so far Iíll take it. Ĺ*, which ties it for best match on the tape.

Well, that was undoubtedly the worst entry in the series so far with not a single redeeming match or segment on the whole thing. We got three negative star matches and only two matches that achieved a positive rating of any kind (a whopping Ĺ* in both cases). Thumbs all the way down for Best of the WWF Volume 12 and a recommendation to destroy any copy you come into contact with lest it have any sort of influence on future generations.

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