March 20, 2005
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR (1989)
This won't be too pretty folks, but I'm doing it for all of you good fans! *Curses fans under breath*
1989 was the height in the Ultimate Warrior's original face run. Not only was he still I-C champion, but he had a very entertaining and great feud in Rick Rude. This tape was released in Spring of 1989, so we won't be seeing the awesome ***1/4 match they had at Summerslam of 1989, though I'm close to getting a copy. The Ultimate Warrior would never get a better run.
The WWF and Coliseum Video released 3 Ultimate Warrior videos. One was in 1992, and unless you like Superstars Squash matches and negative stars, it's for you! Another was released in 1989, and was also 60 minutes. It was from the WWF Collector's Series: The same series that brought you Hulk Hogan: Real American, Wrestling Superheroes, and Tough Guys. This version is the original, 90 minute one.
Let's get on with the tape!
-Total Irony as the Warrior is telling people not to smoke, with him crushing (Though sometimes it looks like he's eating them) cigarettes.
-Whoopee! No Holds Barred Promo! Man, when your best movie involves Zeus, Kurt Fuller, and Stan Hansen making fun of small dick sizes, I think it's time for you to think about something.
-Slim Jim Commercial (!) with a coked up Ultimate Warrior beating up kids and stuff in their garage for being bored, and not eating Slim-Jims. Yeah, that'll force me to buy them.
COMING SOON FROM COLISEUM VIDEO:
Best of the WWF Volume 20 (Sucks)
WWF Fan Favorites (Koko vs. The Brooklyn Brawler?!)
AVAILABLE AUGUST 9TH 1989.
-Old, and awesome WWF "What the world is watching" promo, that is almost as good as the original coliseum video opening.
-The Ultimate Warrior is our host, and as usual, is a fucking weirdo. Clips of him beating up jobbers follow.
-Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules
From a February 1988 episode of Wrestling Challenge. Vince McMahon is the only one on commentary, and Mel Philips is your ring announcer.
Infamous for 2 things:
1. Everyone claims to have seen it, but never remembers it.
2. For what is to follow.
We get no match, as Hercules and Warrior go into a tug of war with the chain, and Warrior rips it in half. Hercules looks understandably shocked, and attacks the Warrior. Rene Goulet in wrestling tights, as with other jobbers run in and try to hold Herc off, and they succeed. Herc tries to run away, but the Warrior catches him and chokes him out with his own chain back to the dressing room. No match, so no rating.
-Ultimate Warrior vs. Honky Tonk Man
From Summerslam 88. No need for more explanation.
-Ultimate Warrior vs. Honky Tonk Man
This is the rematch from the January 1989 episode of Saturday Night's Main Event. One of my personal favorite episodes, and if you have it, we need to talk. First, Honky is with Gene, and Jimmy Hart claims that Honky will re-capture the I-C championship. Vince and Jesse are on commentary. For some reason, Jesse isn't as heelish on commentary here. Honky walks to the ring, but Gene is with the Warrior who gives another whacked out interview. Wow, that's a shock. When Warrior's music comes on, we get cheesy graphics depicting Honky and the Warrior. I used to love that junk. Warrior chases Honky outside of the ring, and starts the attack. Warrior then press slams him back into the ring. Ventura sounds less like a heel and more like an NFL color commentator here. Warrior connects with a boot, and the crowd is pretty jacked tonight. Jimmy Hart decides to be a bug and jumps on the apron, so we get a double noggin knocker here. Vince hypes the Terry Taylor vs. Tito Santana match were Taylor turns face. Punches and an elbow by the Warrior. He's just dominating here. 10 punches on the buckle. Ram to the buckle afterwards. Warrior nails a flying tackle, but misses a Stinger Splash/Avalanche, giving Honky a turn to fight. Honky decides to use the megaphone, and he starts pounding. Even Hart gets a cheap shot in. Warrior starts no-selling. Warrior with a slam, and he misses an elbow. Honky tries to ram the Warrior's head into the buckle, but Warrior reverses it and HE rams Honky's head ten times. Clothesline, and Warrior tries a splash and it misses. Honky with an elbow for two. Honky misses a clothesline, and Warrior nails a shoulderblock for the 3. *1/2. Fun match!
-Ultimate Warrior vs. Greg The Hammer Valentine
The Main Event of 1989 dark match, since Tony and Lord Alfred are here, and there's a Main Event banner. Warrior clotheslines Hammer during his theme song, and afterwards. Jimmy Hart tries to be a distraction, and gets chased. Valentine tries to hit him from the outside, but Warrior no-sells and Hart jumps on Warrior's back in a funny moment. Valentine takes this as an opportunity, and nails Warrior with the shin guard. It gets 2. Elbows. Once again, Valentine uses the shin guard to cheat. Warrior reverses and rams Valentine's head on the buckle ten times. Slam, and then the Warrior misses an elbow. Valentine nails the Warrior with elbows for 2, and follows with a snapmare. Warrior then gets nail by an axe-handle. Face first drive to the mat for Greg, and both being brawling. Warrior then with a clothesline and a shoulderblock. Hart takes the shin guard, tries to hit the Warrior from behind, and...gets caught. Warrior press slams Hart in the Hammer and uses the shin guard to nail the Hammer with a clothesline, and gets the pin to retain the I-C belt. Who ever said Warrior never cheated? *. Mainly for Hart's antics.
-Ultimate Warrior vs. Haku
Looks to be either Late 1988, or early 1989. Uh oh. This won't be so good. Ron Tronguard and Billy Graham on commentary, so this is one of the arena tapings. Can't put my finger on it. Stare down starts this match. Sneak attack by Haku before the bell. Warrior catches him with a boot and nails him with a high cross body for a 2 count. Warrior then begins to no-sell stuff, as usual. Warrior connects with a hiptoss, but misses an elbow. Haku tries the same, and ultimately fails. Atomic Drop by the Warrior, but he misses a splash from the buckle, like always. Haku then follows with a choke hold. He decides to ram him into the turnbuckle, but the Warrior blocks it, and connects ten times. Chop and choke fest to begin. Warrior fights back, and connects with a slam. Haku puts his knees up before Warrior can splash him. Kicks and a chokehold once again from Haku. That's a shock. More fun as he connects with chops to the neck, chokes, and slams him. Haku tries to do a splash, but Warrior puts his knees up. Haku tries to do a suplex, but Warrior DOES THE IMPOSSIBLE, and does A WRESTLING MOVE! Suplex (!!!) by the Warrior, and the splash finishes it. I'm tempted to give an extra 1/4* on the Warrior doing a wrestling move. *1/4. Decent, for MENG and The ULTIMATE WARRIOR of all people.
-Title vs. Title: Randy Savage (World) vs. The Ultimate Warrior (I-C)
I can already guess the ending. Superstars dark match from early 1989, since Tony and Lord Alfred are back, and Savage is still the World Champ. Savage attacks the Warrior before the bell, but the Warrior fights back with a shoulderblock. Savage decides to take a break and exit the ring, but the Warrior press slams him right back in. The chase is on, and Savage, being the wise one, attacks. Savage goes for a Double axe-handle from the top rope, but is caught by the Warrior, who destroys him. Warrior connects with chops, but misses the splash from the corner, AGAIN!. Every damn match has the same spot in it. Jeez. Savage with a kneelift and that takes Warrior to the outside. Savage connects with an axe-handle from the top turnbuckle. Savage then rams the Warrior's head onto a table. That cool clothesline from the rope spot is next by Savage. Savage first with a chokehold, and then he hits a sleeper for 2. Once again, Warrior no-sells. Savage connects with a clothesline for a count of 2. Double axe-handle smash for 2. Warrior then with a suplex (Ehh, the fun is gone...), and the Warrior starts dominating. Rick Rude comes out to pose and distract the Warrior, but the Warrior does the smart thing (!!!!!!!) and ignores him. 2 count. Roll-up by Macho for only a count of 2. Warrior back on the attack, and Savage puts his knees up for the splash. That gets a 2 count. Warrior begins to no-sell and shake the ropes again. Punches, and a clothesline by the Warrior, but he becomes a moron and starts chasing Rude, giving Savage the SUPER LAME count-out victory. Man, just how low can you go? Post match sees Savage and Rude celebrate, so the Warrior comes back, and Press slams Rude. Wrestlemania 7 this ain't. Match of the tape honors with only **. And that's being a bit generous.
- It's time for the Super Posedown from Royal Rumble 1989. Wow. This went on WAY too long, eating up about 30 minutes of the tape. How about showing another title defense? Rude decides to attack after the final pose. Gee, wouldn't it of had made sense to attack him during the first time, and then save some time? If it weren't for this shit, we'd see the totally underrated Harley Race vs. King Haku match. Rude leaves and a lot of officials come up to help the Warrior, who is still blinded, and attacks them all. I would've made this a match, with the Warrior going over here, and then have Rude win at Wrestlemania 5. THEN I'd let the Warrior re-gain the title at Summerslam. Some things in life are strange that way.
-Clip from Wrestlemania 5, as Rude does probably the biggest upset of 1989 WWF, as Rude wins the I-C title in a VERY VERY underrated match.
-Clips from the first rematch which was at the Boston Garden. Warrior won by count-out, by the way, though the ending isn't shown.
-Clips from the second rematch from The Meadowlands. Warrior won again, by count-out. Once again, the finish isn't shown.
*The results of the two shows above thanks to thehistoryofwwe.com*
-Warrior gives a whacked out promo to end the tape, vowing revenge.
OVERALL: The last 3 "Matches" were just fucking 30 second clips. Why did we need to see the Posedown? Why not just show one of the two re-matches in freakin' full? Don't even bother with this tape. Mediocre wrestling from the nutso as usual. Damn I have a headache from all of this garbage.